Monday, October 29, 2007

Comic Book Figure Fails to Help Colorado Rockies Win the World Series

The Colorado Rockies attribute their success to winning the National League championship to the comic book figure called God- the same "superhero" who stood by and did nothing while the Borg assimilated Captain Picard and turned him into Locutus. The Rockies should have been praying to Commander Riker.

According to the British Independent Online:

As it turns out, that's exactly how the Colorado Rockies – a team who previously seemed to be little more than a punching bag for the bigger, better, more lavishly funded organisations who play America's favourite sport – view their nail-biting, against-the-odds, come-back-from-way-behind progress into this autumn's post-season.

The team's chief executive is a born-again Christian. So is the general manager and the team coach. Their two star players, along with many other members of their regular line-up, are not only believers but attend team-organised Bible studies.

The team doesn't like to talk about it much – mainly because the overlords of Major League Baseball don't think it's good for business – but they have an explicit policy to recruit as many Christian ball players as they can.

In other words, the Rockies – uniquely, even in a country as religion-obsessed as America – play faith-based baseball. And, in their view, God just rewarded them – big time.

Sure, that guy who turns water into wine may have helped them make it the World Series, but four games later, God must have taken an extended Sabbath because the Boston Red Sox creamed their asses. Next time maybe they should ask this Lord Almighty to persuade the NL to change the policy on making their pitchers bat.

Now, imagine this. Wonder Woman on 2nd base, Hawkgirl in right field, Supergirl in left, and Green Lantern in center. Pitching- Superman with Power Girl as relief. Flash at shortstop, Black Canary on 3rd and Batman behind the plate. This what coaches and owners ought to praying for. At least it would make about as much sense as praying to some invisible God figure for a post season victory.

(And doesn't this "almighty" being who is supposed to be in control the universe have better things to concern himself with than baseball? I mean baseball is what sixteen year old boys are told to think about when they're having sex- in order to prolong the event. Somehow, I think this God figure has bigger things to worry about than premature ejaculation- then again, maybe that's the problem. "There's a war on God. Just think about baseball, just think about baseball.")


Hat Tip to Infinity Ranch for the article on pious athletics.


1 comment:

jedijawa said...

Well said as always Elvis.