Sunday, September 30, 2007

On Marriage

Fatwa #4:

A DC Comictician and Star Trekiologist is allowed to marry someone who reads Marvel Comics or watches Stargate Atlantis instead of the holy teachings handed down to us through Star Trek episodes. However, within six months of the union, your partner must fully embrace Barbara Gordon as the true Batgirl and accept their role as a citizen of the United Federation of Planets or it will be considered annulled by the Justice League, Starfleet, and this church.

According to the Salt Lake Tribune:

"All married couples fight, but those of the same religion are more able to prevent, resolve and overcome their conflicts, according to a study by Brigham Young University professor David Dollahite.

"'Couples who practice their faith together are more likely to remain committed to each other and the marriage when conflict does occur,' he says."

We couldn't agree more. How are people going to share their love and possibly raise a family when one believes in the righteous and true ways of Wonder Woman while the other believes in some far-fetched notion of a guy who scales walls like he's some kind of spider? We don't think it's possible. The conflicts that will inevitably arise between someone who believes that Kal-El, Clark Kent, was sent here from Krypton to save humanity from dastardly villains and someone who believes that the (not-so) Fantastic Four became "superheroes" because of some piloting accident will be too hard to resolve.

We're going to save you that trouble by ordering you to either convert wayward souls away from false heroes and fictional TV shows or divorce them if they do accept the Truth with a half-year's time. Like all major religions, we strive to spare you the burden of having to think for yourself.

It has been decided. All praise be to the Black Canary; may Her grace guide us all through of our struggles in Sector 001.


(For more on marriage, myth and divorce: check out this from Southern Beale.)


Jackie Lantern said...

Ha! Terrific post!
Thanks to me, my better has learned Marvel=Good, DC= Bad :D

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Oh, Jackie. What can I do to convince you that the false prophets from Marvel have led you astray?

Batman is a patient hero. We ask for his guidance and protection everyday so one day people will see that the X-Men were just a bunch of kids who took too much LSD in college.