Saturday, November 8, 2008

The Difference Between Trekies and Trekiologists

Many people make the erroneous and often times outright blasphemous mistake as referring to those of us who have devoted our lives to delivering the message Starfleet and Captain Jean Luc Picard as Trekies, when in fact there are distinct differences between those follow what they consider a TV show and those of us who consider every word in every episode as literal Truth for all Terans and friendly aliens to live by.

1) Trekies dress up like Captain Kirk, Spock, and Mr. Scott; whereas Trekiologists build temples in their honor and worship them.

2) Trekies go to conventions once or twice a year. Trekiologists attend worship services once or twice a week to pay homage to our commanding officers in Starfleet.

3) Trekies learn to speak Klingon. Trekiologists translate important speeches and historical documents in Klingon so that we will be prepared for the peace that will come after the Khitomer Accords.

4) Trekies watch Star Trek in the basement all day while Trekiologists watch Star Trek in the basement all day- meditating and praying to Captain Kathryn Janeway that she may deliver us from the evils of Delta Quadrant.

5) Trekies dress in Federation uniforms when they serve on juries. Trekiologists dress in Federation uniforms when they're picketing the local school boards- protesting and demanding that our faith, which is the only true one, be taught in our schools.

6) Trekies call Star Trek episodes "reruns" while Trekiologists call Star Trek episodes the Gospel which contains eternal wisdom that cannot be questioned.

7) Trekies get autographs from William Shatner, Patrick Stewart, Kate Mulgrew, and Avery Brooks. Trekiologists watch these people closely and keep extensive files on them because we know that they are Gamma Quadrant shape-shifters sent here by the Dominion to pose as our Holy Starfleet Captains and lead the faithful astray.

8) Trekies raised money in an attempt to keep the show Enterprise on the air. Trekiologists raise money to get politicians elected so that America may have a government which reflects the values and morals taught to us by the Five Pillars of Star Trek as interpreted by the leaders of this church.

9) Trekies hope for a new Star Trek series on television. Trekiologists hope for a Sixth Pillar to the Prophet Gene Roddenberry's Word of Truth which will only come after a devastating nuclear war wipes out all the Borg sympathizing riff-raff after which the Vulcans will land in Montana to cleanse the pure of heart.

10) Trekies create new sagas and write new books while Trekiologists consider any additions to the work of the Prophets Gene Roddenberry and Rick Berman sheer heresy and intolerable blasphemy that should be met with swift persecution.

So there you have it. This is why we take offense to being referred to as Trekies. Trekies consider Star Trek to be entertaining show and a hobby. We see the Five Pillars as a way of life that should be imposed on everyone, by force if necessary.


Brian Barker said...

An interesting development!

A new international language, named after Barack Obama And no -it is not Klingon or Bill Shatner's Esperanto!

It is called Obami and can be seen at

However Obami will have a lot of work to do to catch up with Esperanto.

Esperanto is now within the top 100 languages, out of 6,800 worldwide, according to the CIA factbook. It is the 17th most used language in Wikipedia, and in use by Skype, Firefox and Facebook.

Native Esperanto speakers, including George Soros, Nobel Laureate Daniel Bovet, and World Champion Chess Player, Susan Polger.

The World Esperanto Association enjoys consultative relations with both the United Nations and UNESCO.

Evidence can be seen at

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Is Esperanto a Federation world? Because it sounds like a pre-warp society and the Prime Directive prohibits us from interfering with pre-warp culture.

Now I realize in this day and age, the Prime Directive is something most people don't take seriously- what with all the Borg propaganda being taught in our public schools and such. Nevertheless, the Prime Directive is an eternal document of unquestionable Truth and violating its principles may be convenient, but it have dire consequences on your immortal soul and cause nothing less than eternal separation from Starfleet, a fate worse than death or even assimilation.

Malach the Merciless said...

How about us Jedi . .

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Jedi? Sure, you're not pre-warp so you mat become one with Starfleet's chsoen.

MountainLaurel said...

Montana? Are you sure?

Rosie said...

Aack! I need you to resend the note you just sent me. I was cleaning out my spam folder and pressed delete just as I saw your name. Whatever it is sign me up.

I and my fellow animetheists have been busy conducting a jihad against Cartoon Network.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Cartoon Network is one of the few channels that's willing to tell the Truth. I applied for an hour sermon show on their channel, but I haven't gotten a reply yet.

Rosie, here's the gist of the message I sent you:

Join us at:

I'm going to post on this here (already did at Appalachian Greens).