Monday, January 7, 2008

Why Our Faith is Better Than Yours Pt. 1

People probably think we hate Christianity, Islam, Judaism, etc.. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. Just because the names of these people are on Arkham Asylum's waiting list, doesn't mean that we should discriminate against them or treat these folks any differently than we would the truly righteous people who understand the wonders of Batman and honor the sacrifices Captain James T. Kirk made for Sector 001, daily.

In fact, the stories from that comic book people call the Bible are pretty entertaining. Worth worshiping, though? Nah, you're better off following the Incredible Hulk- which isn't saying a lot. In fact, the only problem we do have with the Holy Bible is that it doesn't contain any pictures. I mean how is a person supposed to comprehend the strength of King David if they can't look at drawings of him kicking Philistine ass- frame by frame. It makes no sense.

Sure, they've made comic books to go with the big comic book- but the big book, itself, is filled with nothing more than "thou"s, "shalts", "not"s and "beget"s. There's no pictures of Jesus smashing Satan in the jaw; no pictures of God throwing rocks at people for following the orders of Baal or whatever. And how are we supposed to know if John wore a mask when he became The Baptist? Did these "heroes" wear capes? These are important facts that no religious text should omit.

But I guess that's life in the Alpha Quadrant.

The same goes for the Quran, the Torah, the Tao Te Ching, the Upanisads. No pictures, just text. All the pictures I seen of Mohammad show his face whited out. Does this mean he had face disguising spray paint like the Question? Followers really need to know this shit.

Now, up in Moundsville, the Hare Krishnas from that temple sell comic books with pictures. But we all know that Power Girl would have kicked the shit clean out of Krishna, so that pretty much cancels that one out. The guy didn't even wear a utility belt- I mean come on.

So we are going to launch a new series designed to show all the unworthy; the heathens and the infidels, why they should give up their religion and subscribe to ours. Without the Martian Manhunter, there can be no peace and we're willing to bash people in the head to prove our commitment to non-violence. But it won't come that. Once you've seen the Truth, we're certain that you'll convert without the need for us to put you to the sword or tie you to a stake and light a fire beneath your feet.

The Truth which comes from DC Comics and Star Trek are there for all to see. You only have to open your eyes and see it.



new illuminati said...

At last - someone who realises that there's nop such thing as fiction - and that today's comic books are superior to their ancient counterparts!
Keep up the good work!

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Thanks for dropping by, New Illuminati.

There actually is such thing as fiction, Marvel Comics for example. Take the Hulk- some doctor drinks a bad glass of ginger ale then turns green and explodes out of his shirt when he gets mad. How could anybody believe that? Only Kryptonians can have that kind of strength- and science can prove it. It has to do with gravity and the difference between our sun and Krypton's. But kids won't learn about this in science class- which is one of the major reasons America is failing.

The sooner everyone accepts the fact the Bruce Wayne is the only true Batman and Robin is His partner, the better off we'll all be.