Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Time for DC Jihad

This church tolerates a lot blasphemy, immorality, heathenism, and general incivility from a nation full of journalists that would walk right past the Atom and ask Thor what he thinks about John McCain's big win in New Hampshire.

We tolerate the fact that Hollywood is totally run by Marvel ideals and Legion of Doom sympathizers. We accept our role as a persecuted people under a government so hostile to DC Comics that none of the candidates running for president could be bothered to take sides in the Green Lanterns' latest war against Sinestro and his minions.

But now we have people claiming that Kal-El aka Superman has been taking steroids. Have you people no shame? Have you people no decency? How can you dare commit such heresy against the Son of Krypton, who was sent here to save us from our sinisters.

I mean we're talking about Superman here and not some flash in the pan baseball player who beefed up his arms so he could throw a freakin' ball a little faster. (Instead of looking at Superman as if he were some kind of mortal in need of some strength enhancing drug, people need to looking into the possibility of Lex Luthor and the Joker pushing these steroids on America's favorite pastime in order to throw the games in their favor.)

If this were Wolverine or the Punisher being accused of taking strength enhancing drugs, there'd be lawsuits and protests and you name it. But in this multi-comic book society where almost anything goes, it's perfectly OK to put down the true Man of Steel.

Well folks, we have our limits and this outrage against everything that is True just plain simply calls for a DC Jihad*. The infidels must not be allowed to desecrate the Hero who has given so much of Himself that He even died defending us from Doomsday.

We're only going to say this once: Superman draws His powers from the Earth's yellow sun and has no need for some stupid shit like steroids.

So beware infidels, we're on to you.

*Disclaimer: DC Jihad is not actually meant to be interpreted as a war to be waged against other people. It's the war we wage within ourselves to battle our own inner super-villains and become more righteous in the eyes of the JLA.



The Film Geek said...

I also hear that in the 31st century, American citizens are being told the lie that Superman is an Earthman, and not from Krypton. The Legion of Superheroes are on the case, and I'm sure they will prevail. But there is no doubt that DC is persecuted far more than anyone else.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

That's right, Film Geek. And we'll carry this jihad right through a boom tube into the 31st century if we have to.

Is it just me or does it seem like our country pays more attention even to Spawn than they do our true Heroes. I mean I'm sure if some college professor passed out Spawn comic books no one would make a peep. But introducing the teachings of Superman in the classroom would almost certainly spark a public outcry in this nation full of the multi-comic bookism pushing secular humanists and nihilists.