Saturday, May 31, 2008

Natural Disasters

In case you missed it, Sharon Stone stirred some controversy when she stated that the recent earthquake in China was caused by Karma; in an effort to seek out revenge for the government's brutal treatment of the Tibetan people.

So the Elders and I decided to launch our own investigation. We got out a few books like the Dhammapada, Upanisads, Bhagavad-Gita and a few books about something called "Zen" to see what we could find. It didn't us take long to give up our research because none of these books had any pictures in them or frame by frame action or characters attempting to teach us eternal wisdom through speech balloons. We can only assume that this hero they call Karma is the same as all the rest; no utility belts, planes or cool cars, and certainly no idea on how to command a Galaxy-class starship.

We would like to call out to our friends who get derive their knowledge and wisdom through comic books with no pictures and people who find their spirituality inside faiths that have never even ran a weekly television show. We would like to tell them that this kind of thinking is complete nonsense.

There is a better explanation on why people endure these bouts of nasty weather and wicked natural occurrences.

It is because we as a people have turned our backs on the Justice League and Starfleet. No, our Heroes do not cause these natural disasters, supervillians do. But they have the ability to stop them if we could only bring ourselves to ask.

Picture this: the Weather Wizard decides to reek havoc upon humanity because he is evil and loves to see people in fear. The Flash has stopped him on numerous occasions. But if we can't even be bothered to get out bed one day of the week to gather and offer Him thanks, why should He bother to get out of bed and stop the Weather Wizard or any other member of the Rouge's Gallery when they decide to rob and steal and create massive diversions in order to do so.

You see, the answers to all these problems are simple if you just stop and think about it for a few minutes. There isn't any need to understand or explain things like earthquakes in terms of tectonic plates or any other kind of scientific mumbo jumbo. There are forces at work out to destroy us all and if we don't surrender ourselves to Batgirl and the JLA, we will all perish. Bad things only happen to bad people and bad people is anyone who doesn't have enough faith in the Batcave and anyone who refuses to acknowledge that Superman was sent here from Krypton to save us from our sinisters.

If we live right and follow the path laid out for us by DC Comics and Star Trek, everyday for all the world will be warm, breezy, and filled with rays of sunshine.



Malach the Merciless said...

My dead cat didn't cause no damn earthquakes, I keep telling you people that!

Rosie said...

They did have a weekly episodic TV series--Kung Fu. Pebble. Grasshopper. All that.

Sharon Stone is an idiot. Anyone who watches anime knows that karma is personal. What does she think China will be reborn as if it continues on this course? Lichtenstein?

I have come here for your wisdom today. The green or blue belly dancer woman in original Star Trek--what was she? Like, where was she from? Was she green or blue? I need it for a short story I'm writing. One of the characters natters on and on about DC Comics and Star Trek.

Elvis Drinkmo said...


We forgot all about Anime. It may be one of the first steps a person will take on the short path to Arkham Asylum, but at least anime'theits know that you can only way to teach people about spirituality is through cartoon characters whipping some ass.

The belly dancer is green and she is known as an "Orion slave girl". She is from the race called Orions and I'm guessing the planet is named the same. A little know fact about Orion slave girls is that they aren't actually slaves- it is the cover they use to hide the fact that they actually run the intergalactic crime ring known as the Orion Syndicate. (The blue people you are thinking of are the Bolians- they are actually card-carrying members of the Federation. The Orions are aligned with no one and are only out for gold-pressed latinum.)

I hope that helps. I'm interested in your story. Are you putting it up on your blog? Oh shit, is this story about me or some other lunatic who rails on and on about Star Trek and DC Comics. :)

Anne Johnson said...

I've always suspected that the worst natural disasters were caused by Supervillains. If you look at motive, means, and opportunity, it all adds up.

Jennifer said...

OMG, did she really say that? Yes, she is an idiot. We should create a special care package for her with some comic books that explain karma and Buddhism in an easy, follow the picture format. Following her logic, all of recent tornadoes in this country were "caused by karma." What a dingbat.

Rosie said...

Well, it's a love story, Elvis.

I got prompted by those Amazon tribes they just revealed who were shooting arrows at airplanes. Which--by the way--I'm anticipating you writing about in regards to either A)sending missionaries to save their loin-clothed souls from Arkham or B)The Prime Directive. I'm thinking schism here.

Anyways--the character is an outlander boy who meets a girl from a hidden clan of blue people in the Appalachians. He's 12 when they first meet. He keeps her secret because he's believes her clan is descended from Star Trek blue people and he's concerned about The Prime Directive. So--loosely based on you--I must admit.

Bolians--right color--wish they were prettier.

Ananke (Goddess With An Identity Crisis) said...

Sharon Stone as the religious authority on karma....yeah,I don't think so. I always laugh at these celebrities who think they speak for the downtrodden. Gimme a break! That nobody has never even been in a Star Trek movie/series. What a wannabe. ;-)

And I thought the Andorians had blue skin.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

No doubt, Jennifer. Sharon Stone on karma. Oerhaps we should treat her to a few rounds of Zen 101 with Keenau Reeves.

Ananke, I'm going to address the Andorians versus Bolians in a separate post.

Rosie, I can't wait to read it.