Sunday, September 9, 2007

On Becoming Klingons

The First Church of DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets will now begin issuing fatwas so we may know what it takes to get into Starfleet or to see the Hall of Justice versus being locked up in Arkham Asylum for an eternity or becoming one with the Borg.

Again the fatwa is defined as:

1. The fatwa is in line with relevant legal proofs, deduced from Qur'anic verses and hadiths;

-In our case these legals proofs will be deduced from the chapters of DC Comics, DC Movies and cartoons and from the Holy scriptures of all five Star Trek seasons.

2. It is issued by a person (or a board) having due knowledge and sincerity of heart;

-That would be me since I talk to Captain Picard and the Martian Manhunter daily and my heart has been proven sincere.

3. It is free from individual opportunism, and not depending on political servitude;

4. It is adequate with the needs of the contemporary world.

Fatwa #1: Dressing up like Klingons and speaking their language:

In the 22nd and 23rd centuries the Klingons are the mortal enemies of the United Federation of Planets, but by the 24th century they become our allies.

So is it okay to dress and act like these aliens who killed Captain Kirk's only son and tried to poison the grain on Sherman's Planet?

In light of the fact that the Klingons fought well during the Dominion War, the First Church has decided that, yes, this is an acceptable practice. We hereby declare that a person can get into Starfleet while taking on the form of a Klingon in this lifetime provided they wear a Federation comm badge on their Klingon uniforms for at least six hours a day, five days a week.

So in order to maintain righteousness while wielding a Bat'leth, drinking Blood Wine, and eating Gagh, one must show their connection to Federation values by wearing the comm badge at the proscribed times. This will adequately demonstrate a spiritual connection to the 24th century when the Klingons are our allies; not our sworn enemies.

Praise be to the Holy Starfleet Captains for helping us to see this wisdom.



jedijawa said...

I love it! I ran into a group of these guys at a sci-fi convention once. Actually, a news guy wanted to film my ex looking over some merchandise because the was "the most normal looking person in the room at the time" and when he had just finished saying this a group of about 8 Klingons walked in an raucous fashion. They were on their way to a major convention in Michigan and had stopped at Cleveland on their way.

Leon said...

Funny. I enjoyed it. I'm a Trekkie too, and I enjoyed Star Trek passionately. But for you, it's obviously a religious experience.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

It's more than a religious experience, it's the Truth. And until we start forcing people everywhere to acknowledge it, we will most certainly loose our way and become assimilated by the Borg.

(Thanks for dropping by Leon: live long and prosper.)

Anne Johnson said...

Making friends with our former enemies: It's the Marvel way. How long have Superman and Lex Luthor been at odds without ever settling their differences? If your faith was so great, Lex would get his act together and be nice.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Superman, in his infinate glory and wisdom, has tried trusting Lex Luthor only to be betrayed over and over again.

DC Comicticians know the difference between good and evil and there is no compromise. Well, except for maybe Catwoman and sometimes the Batman acts more like his foes........ ok, at this point we're asking to many questions and that in itself is blasphemy against the Truth.

We must believe and practice obedience if we are to see the Hall of Justice.