Friday, September 7, 2007

We Don't Need to Do Anything

I received an angry letter from a non-believer (or possibly a Marvelite- it's hard to tell these heathens apart anymore) rejecting my call to hang the Bat signal over every town in America because this person claims that such a "waste" of energy would harm our environment.

Folks, despite what these nihilists will try to tell you, global warming and greenhouse gas emissions are not a problem that we need to concern ourselves with.

Why?

Because in the year 2063, the Vulcans are going to land in Montana and rescue us all from the horrible things that humanity has done to this planet including any harm we've done to our environment. So stop fretting over the ozone and carbon dioxide and put your faith in our logical friends from the planet of Vulcan.

Seriously, what the hell is everyone so worried about? The Vulcans are coming to fix things and they'll be here any day now (if we just believe, maybe they'll come sooner).

So for Robin's sake, people, forget about greenhouse gases, holes in the ozone, rising sea temperatures and dying wildlife. Let's fire up those power plants, turn up those air conditioners, rev up those gas engines, and blow off those mountain tops. Because when the Vulcans arrive, everything will be set straight again. Star Trekiology tells us so. Please, have a little faith.


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8 comments:

The Film Geek said...

Excellent post! And damn good advice. I've got a whole bunch of What Would Spock Do? (WWSD) bumper stickers and rubber bracelets if you'd like one.

Anne Johnson said...

Excuse me? You're not a bit concerned about these heartless, soulless Vulcans taking over? Beings that wouldn't show emotion if their grandma was being punched on the sidewalk by thugs?

I think I'd rather fry. Hang those Vulcans out to dry.

Yours from Marvel-ous land

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Film Geek,

It makes me proud to know that you fly WWSD banner. It's but one question I ask myself everyday before making any decision no matter large or small.

Anne,

I suppose you think the X-Men are going to save us. I mean that's an interesting story and all, but it denies everything that represents the Truth.

Tonight, I'm going to ask the Martian Manhunter to look over you and hopefully try to sway you from your Marvel-ous ways.

Anne Johnson said...

Thor's got my back, dude.

Chris James said...

On a serious note, I have a friend who doesn't feel the need to do anything to help the environment based on the fact that God destroyed the world once (the flood) and He certainly won't do it again.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

The same God that doesn't even own his own Batplane? The one that has never commanded a Galaxy or Constitution class starship?

I think I'll place my bets on the Vulcans.

Jennifer said...

Oh thank god (or batgirl), I'm so happy to learn that the Vulcans will save us. Now I can stop blogging about the environment and just kick back, turn the AC up full blast, and eat bon bons. I'm so thankful I found this web page. ;-)

Is there a chant/dance/prayer we can employ to attract the Vulcans more quickly?

Elvis Drinkmo said...

I'm not sure. But I do think if we force kids in our public schools to stand up, give the Vulcan salute, and say "live long and prosper" after each and every class- the Vulcans will hear them and move their arrival up by 27 to 32 years.