Thursday, June 12, 2008

Keep Marijuana Illegal

Friends, it's the Reverend Elvis D. here and I like to talk to you about something very serious: Marijuana.

I have seen and heard people talk about decriminalizing this deadly drug which kills millions of people everyday and I ask myself, "have these people gone insane?" Legalize this plant and next thing you know teenagers everywhere will be lying around on their couches, chilling out, and listening to Bob Marley. I can't imagine anything more dangerous for a society.

There are several reasons why these lunatics think this poisonous weed should be allowed.

1) It could be used as an energy source. With oil being as plentiful and cheap as it is now, why the hell would anybody being thinking about alternative fuel sources? Damn.

2) It could be used for things like paper and it is easier to replace than trees. This is a really lame argument, it isn't like we need trees to breath or anything. These people need to get a grip.

3) It has medicinal purposes and can be used to treat chronic pain. I guess Vicoden and Oxycontin ain't good enough for some people anymore. Do you think Batgirl had access to medical marijuana when the Joker shot her in the spine and leaving her crippled? No.

And look, if we decriminalized pot, there wouldn't be as much need to blow our tax dollars on prisons and more cops and in this time of great peril that would be a serious travesty.

It may be an innocent looking plant to average person, but make no mistake; marijuana is the weed with the roots that lead to the Legion of Doom's headquarters.


Malach the Merciless said...

Robin smoke pot . . . the Titans Tower smells of it

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Heresy! The Dynamic Duo understands that fatality rate that comes from all these people everywhere who have overdosed on marijuana.

Robin would never stoop to this level.

Chris James said...

Remember kids, keep consuming alcohol and wood products.

All Click said...

Marijuana also called me lots of mean names, and ate my hamster.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Thank you, Chris. Alcohol is known for it's calming effects and keeping violent brawls down to minimum- especially in redneck bars. And to hell with all those trees, they don't do nothing more than block logging trucks and interfere people's satellite receptions anyway.

All Click, marijuana is just that evil. It will kill your hamster and then move on to reek havoc upon every living thing in the house. It must remain banned for the sake of everything that is decent and pure- like vicoden, gasoline, ethanol, and bleached paper made from old growth forests.

Jack Dorf said...

Dear Reverend Elvis,

the arguments you put forward above are insightful verbal hand grenades in the ongoing war on drugs.

We need more voices of reason like yours to battle the rising death toll from marijuana.

I salute your efforts to exorcise the world of this devil weed.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Thank you, Jack. We're here to spread the Word and make sure that the morals handed down to us by the Justice League of America are observed. These crazy ideas about legalizing marijuana are what happen when our public schools start taking Superman out of the classroom.

Weed must remain illegal. If people are smoking pot, their heads will not be clear enough to learn the lessons we need to learn from the Batman Chronicles. They'll be talking philosophy and and relaxing in their homes when they should be actively preparing for the Legion of Doom's assault against every thing that is pure and decent.

Anne Johnson said...

Maybe with the money saved by making stoner comedies, Hollywood could produce more Batman flicks.

Goat Yoda said...

Dear Rev. Elvis- Speaking of stoner comedies, go take a look at me current blog entry about Adventure Con, a really large comic con held in Knoxville last weekend- Silent Bob was there......and a special guest appearance by Wonder Woman in full battle armor.

Rosie said...

What would I do without the pot choppers circling over my farm all summer? Tell me what? Sometimes I can't see them but can hear them and wonder if it is some secret Justice League technology.

johnieb said...

Yew aint nuthin but a damned dopey hippie pothead pretending to be a Man of the UFP/ JLA, and I'm proud to know ya.

Brian said...

Yep, I heard that if you smoke marijuana more than 10 times that you go crazy and kill people.

Or maybe that's just what happens when government officials smoke it?