Sunday, June 8, 2008

How Life Began

My friend, Jennifer from Infinite Sphere has written some good posts about Charles Darwin, the theory of evolution, and some people's resistance to Darwin. Since Jennifer has excepted Batgirl into her heart and enjoys the bliss that comes from knowing Captain Jean Luc Picard's wisdom, we here at the First Church feel we need to cover this topic again.

Charles Darwin was only partially right when he put forth his theory on evolution. We did evolve; that much is clear. What Darwin fails to mention in his papers is that our DNA was programmed to evolve by a dying race of superintelligent aliens who once lived in our galaxy.

Don't believe me? Let us turn then to Star Trek, The Next Generation, 6:20. It is here that we learn of how Captain Picard and the crew of the Enterprise, along with some Klingons, Romulans, and Cardassians discovered a hologram which tells us the story:

You're wondering who we are; why we have done this; how it has come that I stand before you - the image of a being from so long ago. Life evolved on my planet before all others in this part of the galaxy. We left our world, explored the stars and found none like ourselves. Our civilization thrived for ages, but what is the life of one race, compared to the vast stretches of cosmic time?

We knew that one day we would be gone, and nothing of us would survive - so we left you. Our scientists seeded the primordial oceans of many worlds, where life was in its infancy. This body you see before you, which is of course shaped as yours is shaped, for you are the end result. The seed code also contains this message, which was scattered in fragments on many different worlds.

I think the scriptures are pretty plain about this.

And yet our public schools can't bring themselves to teach this wisdom to our children. Instead, people want children to believe that some guy called God dropped Adam down in a garden then yanked one of his ribs out his chest and made Eve. This might adequately explain how humans came to be on earth, but it fails to explain how Andorians ended up on how Andor or Klingons become the dominant species on the Q'onos. Perhaps they want us to believe that this God opened up Adam's chest and began flinging ribs, bones and shit into space to land on all the habitable planets of our galaxy; which would be pretty impressive feat coming from some guy who couldn't even pilot a Galaxy-class starship.

Friends, the answers are out there and they were given to us by the Prophet, Gene Roddenberry, a man who had the decency to launch a one hour weekly program in order to teach all you ungrateful Terran brats the Truth.

Charles Darwin may have half the Truth, but Captain Jean Luc Picard has the whole. You see unlike Darwin, Captain Picard had the privilege of being brought back in time to the beginning of life with Q to witness the first combustion of some DNA which was programmed by the Preservers (Star Trek TNG, 7:25-26).

Compare that to a sunny vacation lying around on the beaches of the Galápagos Islands with some turtles and a couple of pink flamingos.

8 comments:

Malach the Merciless said...

What about the Mutants? Are the blasphemy?

Aphra said...

Hallelujah! I'm spreading the word!

Jennifer said...

I'm so glad you enlightened me about these points. I'm going to bring them up in the biochemistry class I'm taking in the fall and see if I can convert my professors. I'll let you know what happens... Perhaps you can send me some literature? I already have plenty of batgirl stuff.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

That's a good idea, Jennifer. I think it's about time we starting putting the Truth back in the classroom. If you should happen to take any physics classes, might I suggest you also introduce "Mr. Scott's Guide to the Enterprise" as mandatory reading. (If they object, then we all need to start picketing our colleges and writing angry letters to our local papers.)

Thanks for the link, Aphra. I've added that blog to the sidebar. Everyone needs to get on over there and take a gander at Suffolk Humanists and Secularists.

All Click said...

But Darwin had a kick ass beard. Surely that means something.

I had heard that Darwin had also met Q and was sent back to the beginning of life but had missed his medication that morning (twas a rainy Tuesday) and so snoozed throughout the whole experience only waking up at the end and then creating his theory.

Juanuchis said...

Hm, I may have to share this truth in the form of a letter to the editor of the Weston (non)Democrat. The utter gravity of these truths must be shared with the Unenlightened.

Plus, it'll either set him on his tin ear or push him over the edge.

BTW, there is a post just for you on my blog, Dear Rev.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

All Click, I think you may be onto something. Perhaps they need to add your suggestion as a side block in our history and science books. If not, we could always lodge protests at the schools and block the doors so no one can in- the way a local Christian group did to a video rental store in my area when they stocked the movie "Last Temptation of Christ".

Cool post, Juanuchis, the scriptures teach that Vulcans make the best security officers. Tuvok, for example.

Chris James said...

Why would Hawkman allow some planets seeded by the ancients, such as Earth and Cardassia, to flourish with intelligent species while others are allowed to be wiped out by Klingons or to be devoid of all life, save some algae crust?

(Note: That ep. of TNG is one of the best 44 minutes of episodic TV found anywhere).