Saturday, March 8, 2008

Mr. Freeze

For the past week it has been just downright f**cking cold. Snow blasts, icy roads. It has been a real mess.

If you turn on the Legion of Doom's Weather Channel, they'll tell you that this is all caused by weather fronts and and atmospheric conditions. These nihilists who have been paid off by the Joker to tell lies and push their scientific propaganda on the masses don't want you to know the Truth.

The Truth is that Mr. Freeze has recently busted out of Arkham and has been firing his ice gun down upon the Appalachian mountains and the northeast.

The reason for this is simple. This nation has turned its back on the Justice League of America and the morals they've tried to teach us, giving supervillains everywhere a renewed sense of confidence. They will continue to plague us with natural disasters so long as we continue keeping Superman out of the classroom and Batgirl's wise guidance out of our courthouses. JLA morality has become a thing of the past and now were paying the price for our insolence.

So enjoy these blasts of freezing wind gusts and ice storms being fired down upon you by Mr. Freeze, himself. You've earned it America.

Hat Tip to Ananke from Confused and Amused for inspiring this church to inform you all about what is really going on.



Malach the Merciless said...


Juanuchis said...

My question is this:

Is Jim Cantore an ancient leader of the LoD, or is he a minion?

He scares me. He has been around since time immemorial, and weathers hurricane-force winds better than his Columbia jacket.

And I have another for you on my blog, Fr. Elvis.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Jim Cantore is the one who exposed the Legion of Doom connection to us. He has remained there at the Elders' request as a hidden operative to let us know what the Penguin and the Cheetah are up to.

We didn't want to reveal this to the public, but we're certain that Brainiac has figured it out by now.

Ananke said...

Damn that Mr. Freeze and the 12 inches of snow he dumped on us this weekend! He is truly evil and must be destroyed.