Monday, January 28, 2008

Election 2008

Here's a website that I stumbled across which is certainly worth the attention of the First Church of DC Comictician and Latter day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets.

Here a blogger named Money Tastes Bad (a name very holy to the principles of the Federation charter) writes about the candidates and gives each one a very in depth critique. In fact, this is the best coverage this church has seen so far of the potential prospects biding for the White House.

We ain't too sure what this "Star Wars" is. We can only assume that it's something from one of the other dimensions in the multiverse that we have yet to cover. It kind of looks like maybe high ranking military officials of the Breen may be in charge over there.

Nevertheless, please welcome Tinfoil Hats and Rock n' Roll to the West Virginian blogroll.


Friday, January 25, 2008

Third Party Comics

The other day I was out on the street trying to convince people to give up their sinister ways and live a life worthy of the Batman. I was waving the Batman Chronicles around in their faces and telling them about how they can enter the Hall of Justice as well as about the horrors they may have to face inside Arkham Asylum if they do not give themselves to the JLA. That was when a guy walked by and in his hand was none other than a Spawn comic book.

Now, let's discuss this for a minute.

There are two major comic book publishers in this country: DC and Marvel. Of course, DC is filled with lessons of morality and righteousness while Marvel fills people's minds with unclean thoughts and words of blasphemy.

But what is this Image Comics? I'll tell you. Image Comics does nothing but spoil things for DC Comics. Every time a kid picks up a copy of Spawn, that's money and support that could have been used on one of only two viable comic book publishers. Every time a person wastes a dollar on an independent or third party comic book, they're throwing it away and offering backhanded support to the wrong publisher, Marvel.

One thing I don't want to hear from these loony independent comic book readers is that there is no difference these days between DC and Marvel. That is completely untrue. DC shows Heroes like Batman kicking the shit out of His enemies and Marvel shows heroes like Daredevil kicking the shit out of his enemies.

I mean, come on, people. There is no such thing as the perfect comic book. If you don't like the Green Lantern then get out there and show your support for the Flash. If the Green Lantern is all that's left then just suck it up, get with the program, and buy it. Don't go digging through the racks looking for a hero like Spawn. There is no way that a single knight is going to ride into town and save us all from our sinisters. Every time you purchase a a comic book published by Image, you're helping Marvel win the culture war. When you're reading Spawn instead of Batman, you're really just showing your support for the X-Men whether you admit it or not.

Grow up. This is America, land of the free, where we have choices. And those choices have been all but narrowed down by law to two: DC or Marvel. There's your options, anything else is just a waste of everybody's time. Your ego is not as important as this wonderful system we have going; where only one of two comic book publishers will prevail. What you believe in, who you think is honest and who isn't and the things you stand for are not as important as making sure this remains a two comic book publisher nation. If you don't believe me, just ask the people over here.


Thursday, January 24, 2008

Infidels Beware

If you don't believe in Batman or the Justice of America and choose to ignore their great wisdom, this is what you have to look forward to:

That's right- music and all. For eternity. The time to repent before Batgirl is at hand.


Life After People?!

Last night I watched a program on the History Channel called Life After People.

This program was undoubtedly created by the same nihilists who think we shouldn't crank up our air conditioners to full blast from early March until late October because of global warming or whatever. That's right, the same nonbelievers who think we should be protecting certain animals just because they're going extinct; the same people who think we should worry about pissy little things total nuclear holocaust and the polar ice caps melting. They worry more about preserving trees than they do preserving the values of the Federation charter. If people would just believe in Star Trek, they would know that the Vulcans are coming back and we don't have to worry about anything.

So we get "Life Without People". I mean this is just preposterous. Sure, the earth could exist without humans, but how in the hell do these nonbelievers think the United Federation of Planets is going to exist without humans? Without people in San Fransisco, there will be no Starfleet Command headquarters and to suggest that there will be no Starfleet Command is the kind of blasphemy that can only be cleansed with some rope, a stake, and a book of matches.

Do the writers at the History Channel think the Vulcans, Andorians, and Telarites are going to form a pact that will endure for centuries with earth's cockroaches? What are the Breen going to attack during the Dominion War? Stones covered with blue-green algae? Come on, people, let's use our heads.

Instead of promoting this far fetched notion of a planet without people, we need to be advocating for an early World War III, so that the Vulcans will show up a little sooner than 2051. Sure, 75% of planet will be gone but all that means is less Stargate Atlantis viewers. Those of us who understand the ways of Captain Kirk and have embraced Starfleet Command as our true saviors will be just fine.

So the next time the History Channel wants to air a show like this, they need to call it "Life Without 3/4 of It's People". Otherwise, they all need to get back in their Borg cube and fly on back to the Delta Quadrant.


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

I Won, I Won!

Actually, we all win. For JDB so loved the world, he has decided to spread the love offered to us through Batgirl and honor the sacrifices She has made for us.

Therefore, the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federations of Planets has been chosen to receive the Roar for Powerful Words Award. Of course, we all know that the loudest roar comes from the sweet but bad ass voice of the Black Canary. However, we must give praise to Justice League of America for be presented with this honor.

And being as that we are closer to Captain Kirk than the average mortal, it is our duty and our responsibility to share with some of Starfleet's and the JLA's wisdom when it comes to blogging.

1) Put your desk in the basement, carve a body sized hole through the floor, put a pole through the floor (like them ones they waste on exotic dancing), and slide down that pole every time you sit down to your computer. You won't be Batman, but you will feel a little closer to His grace.

2) Before sitting down to your computer and moving your mouse, call out: "On Screen". And if you're really in need of spiritual nurturing, recite the passage of Captain Jean Luc Picard from Star Trek The Next Generation, 3:26

Borg vessel, you have committed acts of aggression against the United Federation of Planets. We have developed new defensive capabilities since our last encounter and we will be forced to use them if you do not withdraw from Federation space.

3) Enjoy yourself while you're blogging. It doesn't matter how many people read your blog so long as you, yourself, have fun with what you're doing. Entertain yourself and others will join you and enrich your experience. (If you're lucky enough to live in a state like West Virginia, you'll make friends and meet some really cool people in no time flat.)

So now, this Church with the Authority of the Revered Intergalactic Elders nominates the following blogs to receive the Roar of the Powerful Words Award:

1) Ananke from Confused and Amused. One of the Justice League's chosen people, her blog is anything but dull and this Church has been down with her blog for a few years now.

2) Anne from The Gods Are Bored. She has some pretty strange ideas about Milk and Cheese Slave Graphics, but she has recently joined us in praise of Lieutenant Uhura. Anne's blog kicks ass and unlike some other religions, which we shall not name, she realizes that in this day in age we need all the gods we can get.

3) Rosie from Smokey Mountain Breakdown. Rosie takes the time to experience and savor the Appalachian culture that so many of us take for granted. Commander Trip Tucker is smiling upon her as I write.

4) Scarlett from Scarlett Tanager from the Wild and Wonderful state of West Virginia blogs gets the award. I know next to nothing about handcrafts, but I find myself becoming more interested in the art of stitching and sewing- well, that and making my own beer. What is cooler than getting a gift that someone made just for you- well, aside from somebody making a bottle of beer for you. May Zatanna Bless You.

5) Last, but not least, is my another one of my homegirls, Jenny from Jennyville. Jenny is number one when it comes to bloggers who make me laugh and smile when I need it most. Her soul will one day see the Hall of Justice unless she decides to become a commissioned Starfleet officer- they both carry an equal amount of bliss.

Almost as common as this thread itself is the award winners saying that they wished they could nominate more bloggers for this. One I really wanted to name was Laurel's Observations, Wabi Sabi, Juanuhcis' Way (who I just now found out won- cool), and Don't Print This and how did Chris James and the get missed- but I didn't want anyone to think I'm biased toward West Virginians. This Church thinks very highly of all Appalachian bloggers from all thirteen states our region touches- no matter what their political or religious stripe.

Now, Go and Walk with Starfleet.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Living a Life Full of Sinisters

Good morning, friends.

You know, it is difficult for us to dwell in a land where people worship the very things that the Legion of Doom stands for.

It is hard to walk amongst people who believe a man named Peter Parker puts on a spider suit and scales large buildings while completely rejecting the lessons that Superman has tried to teach us. It's safe to say that people these days are all about coveting the technology invented in the batcave. They walk by jewelry stores and think of ways to rob those stores without getting caught.

So in these dark times when Lex Luthor and Gorilla Grodd are all the rage, it is important to remember what Batman has to offer in the DC scriptures.

Let us turn now to Batman Chronicles I.

The scriptures tell us:

Less than a week ago, the Batman saw his sworn enemy, the grim Doctor Death, burned to ashes in a fire that wrecked an entire house.

And the Bat saith unto the masses:

There should be a wall safe behind one of these pictures. I'll try that one.

I think the scriptures are pretty clear. We all have a little Dr. Death inside of us and we all have stolen goods hidden inside our walls. Those walls might be literal and they might be the walls which surround our minds. The stolen goods might be diamonds and they might be the thoughts that tempt us into looking at a Fantastic Four comic book. We must strive to surrender these treasures and thoughts before the Batman finds us too and drags us off to Arkham.

One thing is for certain, Dr. Death no longer poses a threat because the Bat dealt with him. Therefore, you haven't seen him in any of the cartoons and movies and you won't. The question lays before you. Will you join Dr. Death in Arkham or will you confess your sinisters to the JLA and live a life worthy of a cartoon? The choice belongs to all of us.


Monday, January 21, 2008

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Fatwa #9: On Voting

Fatwa #9

This is perhaps the most important order we can give people who wish to see the Hall of Justice, you must vote the way we tell you to vote. There is no middle ground or room for compromise. Either vote like we tell you to or spend eternity in Arkham. It's that simple. Once you've set your mind to voting, it's time to stop thinking. We're here to do that for you. (You're welcome.)

You see, we must create a nation that is worthy of Superman and the Bat if we are to continue receiving their blessings. This means keeping a lid on progress and passing legislation more favorable to a DC Comics way of life. We must face the major issues of the day with Plastic Man in our hearts. We must vote correctly on such issues as: declaring that all humanoid life is sacred, using our tax dollars to help fight the minions of Apokolips, and putting Batgirl back in the classroom.

Friends, if we continue on with this Legion of Doom, secular humanist way of life than the Justice League of America is going to turn their backs on us. And the DC scriptures tell us that without the JLA there can be no peace.

Now, as for the candidates currently vying for the White House, we've come up with a hundred point rating scale based upon the issues that matter to the DC Comictician. Here's how each of the top contenders rate:

John McCain: 0
Hillary Clinton: 0
John Edwards: 0
Mitt Romney: 0
Mike Huckabee: 0
Barack Obama: 0
Rudy Giuliani: 0

All Praise Be to Power Girl for blessing this church with such wisdom.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

From Our Readers- Second Edition

Once again, the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets will turn its attention to some questions that our readers have asked us.

We remind you that we don't have the answers to everything- just the answers to everything that matters. And of course, you will find more insight in our responses than you will find here or here.

Dear Reverend Elvis,

Some of my friends at school have been telling me that the First Church is full of hypocrites. They say that you, in particular, are a fraud and that I would be better off following the Fantastic Four or Daredevil. They tell me that it isn't right for you or any church to promote peace, understanding, and non-violence while worshiping Heroes who regularly beat their enemies to a pulp and Starfleet Captains who disregard the Prime Directive whenever it suits them.

Please give me some advice on how I can approach these friends when they criticize everything that is true.

- Alive with the Batcave

Dear Alive,

You need new friends. Plain and simple. A path led by infidels is a path to Arkham Asylum. I mean ask yourself, who are these kids to be questioning the motives of Captain James T. Kirk?

But to address the matter at hand, we are not hypocrites for advocating non-violence while worshiping Heroes who will knock the shit clean out of those who oppose them. (At this point it is important to remind our readers that too much thinking can also become a path to Arkham, we advise against it.)

However, if you feel the need for clarity remember of the words of the Bat from Batman Chronicles 1:

"Well, kids, there's your proof. Crooks are yellow without their guns. Don't go around admiring them... rather do your best in fighting them and all their kind!"

Dear Pastor D.,

Is there a way for us to invest and make loads of money while still remaining true to goals laid out for us in the scriptures of DC Comics?

- Batgirl's Devoted Servant

Dear Devoted,

That is a difficult question.

We know that Bruce Wayne had loads of money and Oliver Queen wasn't that bad off either. The scriptures tell us that Wonder Woman was an Amazon princess, so she must have had some loot.

But you should always remember, it is ok for our Heroes and the leaders of this church to do some things that the average person should not. However, we think that it would be alright for you to make millions if you give 85% of it to this church and spend another 10% on candidates who support a constitutional amendment that would allow us to bring Superman's teachings back into the classroom. That will leave you with 5% and a soul that might just get to enter the Hall of Justice.

Dear High Priest of the Truth,

I'm having troubles with my boyfriend. I've been praying to Captain Kirk and fasting for Spock in hopes that things will get better between the two of us. I have been studying all three seasons of the original Star Trek and trying to learn all I can about what it takes to make a relationship work.

Do have any other advice?

- Captain Picard's First Yeoman

Dear Yeoman,

You've done yourself a wonderful favor by learning the ways of Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock.

However, I would recommend turning your attention away from the Original Series for a moment and begin to explore the scriptures laid out in the episodes of Deep Space Nine. While Captain Kirk is the King when it comes to starting new relationships, Captain Benjamin Sisko can help you understand what it takes to make them last. Lieutenant Dax can also help guide you in the ways of love because she has eight lives (well, actually nine counting Ezri) of experience in such matters with various males, females, aliens and entities. It is here that your answers should be sought.

Dear Holy Messenger of Starfleet,

Lately, I've been depressed. My doctor thinks it's seasonal, but it is starting to give me aches and pains around my neck.
Is there a dance I can perform or a song I can sing that will make this depression go away?

- Gratitude Be with Lt. Commander Tuvok

Dear Gratitude,

First off, dump the doctor. Any quack who thinks that winter causes depression has obviously never been to
the Andorian Academy of Art. Clearly, this guy is a total crackpot.

There are a few things you can try. Spinning in circles while humming the theme song from Star Trek The Original Series can help lift your spirits. You might also try going to a crowded local restaurant, standing on a table and singing the 60's Batman TV show theme- that will certainly take your mind off any other problems you might be facing.

But the best thing you can do right now is call your bosses and tell them your taking the next month off for spiritual healing. Then barricade yourself in the basement and begin watching Star Trek from the pilot episode with Captain Pike to the last episode with Captain Archer. That is really the only way you'll begin to understand the Truth and become one with Starfleet. I promise your depression will lift quicker than a Federation runabout trapped on the Breen homeworld once you understand what Starfleet Command has to offer us.

Thank you all for submitting your questions. Remember, it is our job to bring the Word of Batman and spread the love of Captain Picard. If there is anyway, we can help you deal with this Borg infested world run by the Legion of Doom, please let us know.

Friday, January 11, 2008

A Prayer for Communication: Lieutenant Uhura

Good evening, friends. Let us bow our heads.

Our Lieutenant Uhura, who art aboard the Starship Enterprise, hallow be thy name. We shall forever praise you and your work in protecting this sector.

We ask that you will look over us and help guide through these perilous days as we patiently await the arrival of the Vulcans. And please, give us the strength to fight the urge to bash those choose to oppose your wisdom across the back of their heads with Bat'leths.

Please help us those of us who have found the Truth to talk with one another so that may always avoid those who would share their lot with the Borg. Guide us in the ways of communication so we too may one day be able to hail Starfleet Command and apprise them of our situations.

Lieutenant, we thank you. We thank you for relaying your messages to us so that those who dwell among us with Romulan-like ears will not be able hear the message that they wouldn't listen to anyway. We thank you for helping us to see the righteousness that is Starfleet Command and the plans laid out for us by our five Holy Starfleet Captains.

Please help us to one day serve with you under the command of Captain James T. Kirk so that we too can embark on a five year mission to explore strange new worlds to seek out new life and new civilizations.

In the name of the communications relay we pray to you,


Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Time for DC Jihad

This church tolerates a lot blasphemy, immorality, heathenism, and general incivility from a nation full of journalists that would walk right past the Atom and ask Thor what he thinks about John McCain's big win in New Hampshire.

We tolerate the fact that Hollywood is totally run by Marvel ideals and Legion of Doom sympathizers. We accept our role as a persecuted people under a government so hostile to DC Comics that none of the candidates running for president could be bothered to take sides in the Green Lanterns' latest war against Sinestro and his minions.

But now we have people claiming that Kal-El aka Superman has been taking steroids. Have you people no shame? Have you people no decency? How can you dare commit such heresy against the Son of Krypton, who was sent here to save us from our sinisters.

I mean we're talking about Superman here and not some flash in the pan baseball player who beefed up his arms so he could throw a freakin' ball a little faster. (Instead of looking at Superman as if he were some kind of mortal in need of some strength enhancing drug, people need to looking into the possibility of Lex Luthor and the Joker pushing these steroids on America's favorite pastime in order to throw the games in their favor.)

If this were Wolverine or the Punisher being accused of taking strength enhancing drugs, there'd be lawsuits and protests and you name it. But in this multi-comic book society where almost anything goes, it's perfectly OK to put down the true Man of Steel.

Well folks, we have our limits and this outrage against everything that is True just plain simply calls for a DC Jihad*. The infidels must not be allowed to desecrate the Hero who has given so much of Himself that He even died defending us from Doomsday.

We're only going to say this once: Superman draws His powers from the Earth's yellow sun and has no need for some stupid shit like steroids.

So beware infidels, we're on to you.

*Disclaimer: DC Jihad is not actually meant to be interpreted as a war to be waged against other people. It's the war we wage within ourselves to battle our own inner super-villains and become more righteous in the eyes of the JLA.


Monday, January 7, 2008

Fatwa #8: On Joel Schumacher

Fatwa 8:

The Elders hereby demand the arrest and detention of movie producer, Joel Schumacher, based on the following crimes of blasphemy against this church and Batman, himself:

1) Using the movie Batman Forever to promote a false doctrine which claims that Harvey "Two-Face" Dent killed Robin's parents.

2) Producing the movie Batman and Robin- a crime in and of itself. But this work of blasphemy is also guilty of:

- allowing Arnold Schwarzenegger to be cast as Mr. Freeze.

- allowing Alicia Silverstone to play the role of Batgirl.

- committing heresy against Batgirl by not mentioning that Barbara Gordon is the daughter of police commissioner Gordon. Also her hair is red, not blond- that alone should have burned the eyeballs out of the heads of mere mortals watching this "movie".

3) Lastly, for showing an overall blatant display of disrespect for the Holy DC Scriptures by daring to speak untruths about Our Heroes.

For these crimes, Schumacher must be brought before this church for trial and sentence. His Legion of Doom sympathizer allies in Hollywood can't protect him forever.

(Note to Tim Burton, the only reason you're escaping these same charges is because of Jack Nicholson's stellar performance as the Joker. And well, Mars Attacks was pretty cool.)


The Elders have adjourned and the decision has been rendered to add two new charges to Schumacher's crimes against the only true religion:

- Batgirl was cast with a little mask rather than the full cowl with bat ears that scriptures prove she wore.

- he neglected to recast Billy Dee Williams in the role of Harvey Dent. Even though the first Batman was filled with heresy and blasphemy- two blasphemies don't make a truth.

The First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets would like to thank Ananke and Chris James for helping to add a few more eternities on Joel Schumacher's imposed sentence of lockdown within the walls of Arkham Asylum.


Why Our Faith is Better Than Yours Pt. 1

People probably think we hate Christianity, Islam, Judaism, etc.. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. Just because the names of these people are on Arkham Asylum's waiting list, doesn't mean that we should discriminate against them or treat these folks any differently than we would the truly righteous people who understand the wonders of Batman and honor the sacrifices Captain James T. Kirk made for Sector 001, daily.

In fact, the stories from that comic book people call the Bible are pretty entertaining. Worth worshiping, though? Nah, you're better off following the Incredible Hulk- which isn't saying a lot. In fact, the only problem we do have with the Holy Bible is that it doesn't contain any pictures. I mean how is a person supposed to comprehend the strength of King David if they can't look at drawings of him kicking Philistine ass- frame by frame. It makes no sense.

Sure, they've made comic books to go with the big comic book- but the big book, itself, is filled with nothing more than "thou"s, "shalts", "not"s and "beget"s. There's no pictures of Jesus smashing Satan in the jaw; no pictures of God throwing rocks at people for following the orders of Baal or whatever. And how are we supposed to know if John wore a mask when he became The Baptist? Did these "heroes" wear capes? These are important facts that no religious text should omit.

But I guess that's life in the Alpha Quadrant.

The same goes for the Quran, the Torah, the Tao Te Ching, the Upanisads. No pictures, just text. All the pictures I seen of Mohammad show his face whited out. Does this mean he had face disguising spray paint like the Question? Followers really need to know this shit.

Now, up in Moundsville, the Hare Krishnas from that temple sell comic books with pictures. But we all know that Power Girl would have kicked the shit clean out of Krishna, so that pretty much cancels that one out. The guy didn't even wear a utility belt- I mean come on.

So we are going to launch a new series designed to show all the unworthy; the heathens and the infidels, why they should give up their religion and subscribe to ours. Without the Martian Manhunter, there can be no peace and we're willing to bash people in the head to prove our commitment to non-violence. But it won't come that. Once you've seen the Truth, we're certain that you'll convert without the need for us to put you to the sword or tie you to a stake and light a fire beneath your feet.

The Truth which comes from DC Comics and Star Trek are there for all to see. You only have to open your eyes and see it.


Friday, January 4, 2008

The War Has Ended

While the media is busy covering the battle of the Iowa caucus, we thought we'd let you know that the Green Lantern Corps has won the battle over the Sinestro Corps. Balance had been restored to the universe, but you'd never know it if you were to turn on CNN.

I suppose if Spiderman or the Fanatastic Four were on the scene the media would be all over this breaking news. Where these Marvel heroes were during this fight to save the galaxy is anyone's guess- probably in out in Iowa holding up signs for Hillary.

Yes, friends, Sinestro and minions have been defeated.

And they did it all without the help of Mike Huckabee, Barrack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Mitt Romney, NBC News, or that so-called superhero called the Messiah, aka Jesus Christ.

For John Stewart saith unto Guy Garner, I guess the good guys won. And Hal Jordon proclaimed unto the masses, One more thing, Sinestro, you're under arrest.

Green Lantern 25: 175-177

So shall glory reign upon the cosmos and let us all bow our heads in honor of Sector 2814's Green Lanterns. We shall give praise to their almighty names.


The Best Diplomat

Your Star Trekiology quote of the week:

While discussing the art of diplomacy in dealing with hostile aliens, our Holy Engineer, Lieutenant Commander Montgomery Scott tells Dr. McCoy,

"Well, the best diplomat I know is a fully charged phaser bank."

-Star Trek 1:23


Thursday, January 3, 2008

The Eternal Souls

We here at the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of United Federation of Planets spend a lot of time telling you who is going to go to Arkham Asylum when they die and who will be joining the Borg Collective for an afterlife party full of pain, torment, and zombie-like obedience. Afterall, these numbers include about 99.9% of our government and an even higher percentage of Hollywood actors. In fact, it's safe to say that 9 out of every 10 people reading this will not reach the Hall of Justice in the next life or become commissioned officers in Starfleet.

But we would like to start the New Year off by telling you about some of the people who may, in fact, have the Justice League of America smiling down upon them from the Almighty Watchtower. We must remember that even Batman is a merciful hero who will take pity on us; unless we happen take up sides with the Penguin.

Bloggers from West Virginia deserve a special note. Ever since the Black Manta sailed his submarine into the Kanawha River and convinced Governor Joe Manchin to hang "Open for Business" signs all over the state, we've had our hands full battling the evil minions of darkness. The First Church learned early on that "Open for Business" was nothing more than a secret code for Legion of Doom arch-villains to take up temporary residence in our mountains where they can plan sinister operations, each one more devious than the last. (And it's also common knowledge that our state legislature is filled with Borg drones and shape-shifters. They have to consume large amounts of booze while they're in session so that no one discovers they aren't entirely human.)

So here's the role call of some bloggers whom you should visit often, from West Virginia, Appalachia, the United States, and Beyond:

The Film Geek- granted he did violate an issued Fatwa commanding him not to watch that Marvelite blasphemy, Ghost Rider. But the Elders have decided to grant him reprieve and have included him amongst the honored and blessed souls of this dimension and others.

Buzzard Billy is one of the faithful whose soul cannot falter. She has recently declared her desire to live a life worthy of the Bat which means that the Holy Trinity: Batman, Batgirl, and Robin will be smiling upon her. We suggest you do the same unless being smacked with a baterang upside the head is something you enjoy.

Chris James from A Sour Apple Tree is someone you need to hear. His bodyguards helped foil a plot by the Borg and Bizzaro Legion of Doom sympathizors from taking over Huntington.

Saved by the Torso is run by Jackie, a Marvelite heretic, who has also been granted amnesty by the Elders and this church. While Jackie still insists that Prince Namor has a claim to the world that we all know belongs to Aquaman, we still dig him and appreciate his efforts to help Little Jackie understand the wondrous and True ways of the Bat.

Scarlet Tanager is another wonderful blogger with a heart so big that she might be convinced to create tissue boxes for all you lost souls that will need a whole lot of those tissues for your crying eyes once you realize that eternity for you lies within the walls of Arkham Asylum.

Hoyt from Donut Buzz deserves your undivided attention as does Primalscreamx from Don't Print This. Both bloggers will one day walk with Starfleet and if you wish to do the same, we suggest that you visit their blogs and hear what they have to say.

We also recommend that you drop by Jennyville for it is as a sacred a place to visit as Smallville, Gotham City, or Metropolis itself. Where else can you learn to make Tiramisu, one the foods that reportedly caught the attention of the Kryptonians- which in turn convinced them to send their only begotten son, Superman, to save us from our sinisters.

JDB from Infinity Ranch understands that a God who can't even shoot laser beams from his eyeballs or defend himself from a Klingon disruptor has no business being placed in our schools. And Alabama's own Jennifer from The Infinite Sphere has graciously offered to use her rope and grapple to place the True commandments that truly belong in schools and courthouses- those from the Justice League of America. Her soul will be forever be blessed by Batgirl and all the bountiful blessings She offers.

Ananke from Confused and Amused is keeping Starfleet Command alive down in Kentucky- she hasn't violated a single one of their commandments and will one day serve with Captain Picard. As will Aphra from The Answers 42 who heeds the call of Lieutenant Uhura's hails from her abode in the isles of Great Britain.

We have Anne, once Marvelite infidel- turned Milk and Cheese Slave Graphic adherent from the The Gods Are Bored and Rosie from Smokey Mountain Breakdown, an anime'ithiest. Both follow strange and mystical beliefs that only the doctors in Arkham can truly understand, but the Martian Manhunter has chosen to bless to them and we do not question J'onn J'onzz, the Martian Manhunter.

And we should not forget Rebecca from Carpe You Some Diem who shall one day carpe diem with Captain Jean Luc Picard aboard the Enterprise E, The Blonde Goddess who has secured the blessings of Catwoman's good side (or maybe her bad side- we ain't sure), Juanuhcis' Way, The Glamorous Life of a Hausfrau, Wabi-sabi, Muzings, This is Not My Blog, and Jelly Filled- all bloggers who will witness the glory that is the Hall of Justice and sit at the Green Lantern's side. Even Muze, who I've disagreed with on some issues in the past, will one day get to stand with Hawkgirl and behold the Thanagarian might.

There's also a site you might try with pictures of a beautiful family and some geeky communist guy named Chad- who is such a loser, I'll bet he owns all three X-Men movies on DVD and even a few Spiderman movies on VHS. Poor Lisa.

Thank you all for making this dark heathen world full of infidels, sinisters, hostile aliens and arch-supervillains a little brighter for the members of this fundamentalist and intolerant church of self-righteous beings.