Sunday, October 21, 2007

On 2008 and All Future Elections

Fatwa #5:

You MAY NOT vote for ANY candidate for any office who meets the following disqualifications:

1) Has refused to endorse one of the four Green Lanterns as the general protector of Sector 2814.

2) Reads Marvel Comics and/or watches Anime or Stargate Atlantis.

3) Refuses to recognize the threat posed by Darkseid, the Legion of Doom, the Borg, and the Dominion.

4) Betrays Federation values in their words and voting patterns, which we know to be the only true values in the galaxy.

The punishment for casting your vote for any candidate who is guilty of the above charges is an eternal life of torment within the walls Arkham Asylum. So vote wisely because Batman is watching you. Five minutes of your life could end up costing you an eternal afterlife full of agony.

All Praise Be to Wonder Woman for helping us decide what's best for you, so that you don't have to make any of those decisions yourself.


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5 comments:

Chris James said...

My wife plans on voting for Obama, a noted fan of Howard the Duck-era Silver Surfer comics. Is the correct punishment stoning or banishment?

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Chris,

It will be up to the Justice League and Starfleet Command to decide the fate of the infidels who would choose to disobey the law.

It's not too late to convince her that the Silver Surfer is a false a hero. Perhaps you could show her some pictures of what the inside of a Borg cube looks like then ask, "Is this this how you really want yo spend the afterlife?"

jedijawa said...

Hey ... I watch "Stargate Atlantis". What else am I supposed to watch in absence of Trek? At least it's better than that "Hercules in Space" crap that they used to call "Andromeda" (and she came to "Stargate" later anyway). I admit that Atlantis was weak in the beginning but with Amanda Tapping and Jewel Staite in the cast now ... wowza!

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Stargate Atlantis might be entertaining (very entertaining) but we must be careful not to indulge ourselves in too much blasphemy. The only aliens with gateways like those were the Iconians and we know they have been extinct for thousands of years. Star Trek teaches us this.

Plus, Starfleet Command is a jealous command and they will tolerate no command before them. Denying them their authority will separate us from the United Federation of Planets and without the United Federation of Planets we are not whole.

jedijawa said...

Well spoken your eminence.