Monday, October 29, 2007

Comic Book Figure Fails to Help Colorado Rockies Win the World Series

The Colorado Rockies attribute their success to winning the National League championship to the comic book figure called God- the same "superhero" who stood by and did nothing while the Borg assimilated Captain Picard and turned him into Locutus. The Rockies should have been praying to Commander Riker.

According to the British Independent Online:

As it turns out, that's exactly how the Colorado Rockies – a team who previously seemed to be little more than a punching bag for the bigger, better, more lavishly funded organisations who play America's favourite sport – view their nail-biting, against-the-odds, come-back-from-way-behind progress into this autumn's post-season.

The team's chief executive is a born-again Christian. So is the general manager and the team coach. Their two star players, along with many other members of their regular line-up, are not only believers but attend team-organised Bible studies.

The team doesn't like to talk about it much – mainly because the overlords of Major League Baseball don't think it's good for business – but they have an explicit policy to recruit as many Christian ball players as they can.

In other words, the Rockies – uniquely, even in a country as religion-obsessed as America – play faith-based baseball. And, in their view, God just rewarded them – big time.

Sure, that guy who turns water into wine may have helped them make it the World Series, but four games later, God must have taken an extended Sabbath because the Boston Red Sox creamed their asses. Next time maybe they should ask this Lord Almighty to persuade the NL to change the policy on making their pitchers bat.

Now, imagine this. Wonder Woman on 2nd base, Hawkgirl in right field, Supergirl in left, and Green Lantern in center. Pitching- Superman with Power Girl as relief. Flash at shortstop, Black Canary on 3rd and Batman behind the plate. This what coaches and owners ought to praying for. At least it would make about as much sense as praying to some invisible God figure for a post season victory.

(And doesn't this "almighty" being who is supposed to be in control the universe have better things to concern himself with than baseball? I mean baseball is what sixteen year old boys are told to think about when they're having sex- in order to prolong the event. Somehow, I think this God figure has bigger things to worry about than premature ejaculation- then again, maybe that's the problem. "There's a war on God. Just think about baseball, just think about baseball.")


Hat Tip to Infinity Ranch for the article on pious athletics.


Sunday, October 28, 2007


It has brought to the attention of the Elders, that some folks have been trying to leave comments- only to have some bogus entity tell them that they have been blocked.

For the record, I, Elvis Drinkmo, the High Priest of the DC Comictician, hereby declare that I have never banned anyone form this site. The First Church welcomes people from all comic book mythologies. It is our task to convince that Bruce Wayne is the true Batman and that Iron Man is a drunk and a fraud. We like Jesus, but we feel it will take more than walking on water to defeat the Black Manta. It is our mission to bring Captain Jean Luc Picard into every home so that each and every mortal will get the chance to join Starfleet and be beamed aboard the Enterprise when they die.

One of two things could explain what has happened.

1) Lex Luthor has devised a way to sabotage this site from the Legion of Doom's headquarters to prevent people from hearing the Word of Superman.

2) The entire staff of Google and Blogger has been bought off by the Joker or perhaps been assimilated by the Borg- where the Borg high mind is working to prevent people from becoming one with Starfleet from joining this church in order to steal more souls for their collective.

Either way, the Elders and I apologize to anyone who thinks they have been banned or cast out from the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets. That is not what we do here. Everyone has the potential to live up to Justice League standards and it is our mission to tap into that potential.

We will chant and pray to Batgirl for the remainder of this day and hope that she will foil their plot by tomorrow.

All Glory Shall be in Her name.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Happy Halloween

We here at the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets would like to wish everyone an exciting and joyous Halloween.

Enjoy your holiday while you're out there in search of candy (children) and perhaps a couple rounds of free flowing beer (big children).

Let us remember to keep the Justice League in our hearts as we celebrate. Here are few words from the Batman:

He has played so many horror roles in pictures that they had taken possession of his mind and soul! He made up as Clayface, one of his old roles, and then followed the plot of "Dread Castle" and killed off each one as they died in the picture.

Batman Chronicles II- 40: Frame 78

So watch out for Clayface tonight and have a good time! (Now if I can just find a costume to wear to the party tonight...........)

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Hymn 3- Let Us All Give Praise!

Let us Rejoice and Sing our praises to the real Heroes of this quadrant!

I'm wondering if JDB from Infinity Ranch would still like to be our church's organ player for these hymns of praise and celebration.


Wednesday, October 24, 2007

The One True Faith

The Elders were surfing the web in search of more Legion of Doom sympathizers, when they stumbled across a piece written by Pat Robertson's TV channel called the Christian Broadcasting Network.

It's nothing but more fighting between two sets of comic book fans. One reads about a guy who drank lots of wine and walked on water; another listens to stories about a man who had seven wives and liberated Saudi Arabia. Neither comic book has a single hero whom could battle Wonder Woman or the Green Lantern for more than three minutes (Spiderman has a better chance and that ain't sayin' much).

From the article:

"Saieg agrees with Saleem, that Islam preaches violence.

"When I see Sura 9:5, it talks about ''kill the Christians and Jews -- the People of the Book -- wherever you find them." There are over 140 verses in the Koran that talk about killing,' Saieg says.

Saleem says don't buy everything you hear about Islam these days.

"Muslims will say 'We're a people of peace -- we worship the same God,'" He said.


"There's a lot of anti-Islamic propaganda, especially by Pat Robertson and CBN and places like that," Ahmed said. "And I'm really shocked to see how evangelicals love to promote this idea -- that it's not a religion of peace."

Ahmed seems a natural for this debate. He runs his own Web site defending Islam, Examine the

"There's clear teaching to promote peace with non-Muslims. And those verses are not mentioned by these propagandists. And that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to mention those verses," he said.

But it didn't seem very peaceful when Muslims eavesdropped on CBN News' interview with Saieg then ripped into him for saying Islam was not a religion of peace.

There's an easy solution to all of this, put down those comic books and open your eyes to the real Truth handed down to us by Starfleet and the Justice League of America. Seriously, how can two groups of people fight over these so-called superheroes; superheroes without the slightest clue on how to command a galaxy-class starship or fire phasers or even launch photon torpedoes?!

Is Jesus Christ going to take down the Joker or the Borg by offering them forgiveness? Is Mohammad going to lead an assault on the Dominion with swords and some book he found in a cave? The answers here are simple. The sad thing is- when all of these folks end up having to spend eternity in Arkham Asylum, they're going to have to find a way to get along. (Or they may end up on a Borg Cube attached to one high mind- which would eliminate this seemingly inherent competition. It's not up to us to decide.)

So please, people, come on over to the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of United Federation. When we're not out beating down our foes and dragging them by their hair to the Hall of Justice, we're truly a religion committed to peace and non-violence. One thing is for certain, all this bickering over whose comic books are coolest is going to serve no one except hostile aliens and those supervillains who have made their homes inside the Legion of Doom's headquarters.


The 2nd Hymn

Here's the next song for our hymn book. The words are a little more complicated than the first one.


Tuesday, October 23, 2007

A Mormon in the White House

The controversy over Mitt Romney's being a Mormon continues to boil.

E.J. Dionne writes about it in the San Fransisco Chronicle:

In one respect, Romney's situation actually is similar to Kennedy's, but not in a helpful way.

Just as there was mistrust of Catholicism in 1960 on both the left and the right, so do Mormons face mistrust from liberals and conservatives. In Kennedy's time, there were those on the left who saw the Catholic Church as an anti-democratic, authoritarian institution while some evangelical Protestants saw it as the anti-Christ.

Mormons now face criticism as a non-Christian "cult" from some wings of Protestantism. The hostility is aggravated by an intense competition between Mormonism and evangelicalism for converts. Some on the left see Mormons as hopelessly conservative, hostile to feminism and, in general, just not the sort of folks who would ally with progressive causes.

How about a little reality check here, folks. How is the Book of Mormon any more full of shit than the King James Version of the Holy Bible? Seriously, how many Mormons are driving around Rome with a little faith and bulletproof Plexiglas telling U.S. politicians that they damn well better vote against abortion or else. Hopelessly conservative? Hell, let's just throw a Baptist in there.

You see, we here at the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets have a unique perspective on this issue. We think that all these people have completely lost their marbles. It's not Mormons versus Catholics versus Protestants. It's people who understand science and logic versus people who leave those things up to God.

That's why our religion is better than yours. When it comes to fighting evil would you rather have Batman pursuing your assailants in the Batmobile or the Pope trying to run them down in his Popemobile? When it comes to defending the earth with you rather have a Galaxy-class starship under the command of Captain Jean Luc Picard or a floating nimbus cloud under the command of some ex-Doobie Brother? I mean if were going to make mythological figures a major part of these debates why not include a few of the cool ones.

All in all, I swear if I hear the name Jesus Christ mentioned one more time in these goddamn primaries, I may just have to pack up my shit and move to Denmark. It would make much more sense for these candidates to be debating over the Klingon/Federation alliance or what to do with the Bajoran wormhole should hostilities erupt with the Dominion in the Gamma Quadrant. I think even non-Star Trekiologists could agree that that would be a lot more entertaining and informative than all this bickering over which pious jackass belongs to what damn church.

Crossposted at Appalachian Greens


Monday, October 22, 2007

Bob Schieffer at CBS- Legion of Doom Sympathizer

Add another name to the list of people who needs to be dragged before a public tribunal and forced to answer some grilling questions before a inquiry panel. Yes, Bob Schieffer from CBS News' Face the Nation has made some startling comments regarding the upcoming election:

When former Senator Bill Bradley of New Jersey sought the Democratic presidential nomination in 2000, he said he believed in God and would say no more about it than that. He said the rest was his business.

That's a good answer as far as I am concerned. That's why - when I interviewed former Governor Romney - I asked how much of his faith he felt obligated to share with voters.

I brought it up because polls show many Americans say they just won't vote for a Mormon. For a Mormon politician, that's not a religious problem, it's a political problem.

So when Romney said he was happy to be asked, I asked.

I found his answers interesting. He outlined how he saw the relationship of his religion to the duties of the presidency in much the way that John Kennedy explained his faith in that 1960 speech after people questioned his Catholicism.

Romney didn't go as far as Kennedy but I came away feeling I knew more about wh
o he was and that helps to make a political, not a religious judgment.

Had he said his religion was none of my business, I would have taken that as a legitimate answer. In America, what we choose to tell others about our faith is nobody's business but our own.

So Bob Schieffer feels that it isn't important to know what comic books to which these candidates are subscribing. False doctrines from the Bible, the Book of Mormon, and Marvel Comics or the real values and morals which can only come from DC Comics and Star Trek.

First of all, Bob, this is America and with the exception of Pete Stark all candidates must kneel before the idols of some higher entity before they can be accepted into a nation where separation of church and state is actually written into the law of land.

Second, I think we do have the right to know what kind of heroes we're going to call upon if the Joker decides to drop deadly Smilex laughing gas on the populace: one who turns water into wine or one who will fly a Batplane directly into the heart of evil to smite it from existence.

Third, anyone who tries to distract us from the real danger of a Legion of Doom assault on humanity is more than likely on Lex Luthor's payroll. They hate us because of our freedoms and because we elect our representives. No amount of bunk editorials or news reporting is going to change that fact.

Yes, folks, the elders have decided that the Cheetah, Gorilla Grodd and the Black Manta have taken over CBS news. When they aren't advancing the Legion's sinister agenda, they're more than likely reading Marvel Comic books between sets and thinking that Spiderman, Elektra, Jean Gray, and the Daredevil are real heroes who can stop their media inspired treachery if it happens to backfire on them.

So don't be too surprised when Bob Schieffer or someone else from CBS comes out in favor of Captain Cold for president. He won't adhere to any religion, but you best believe he'll have an agenda- an agenda that won't benefit anyone except those who have devoted their lives to crime and have taken up residence at the Legion of Doom's headquarters.


Sunday, October 21, 2007

On 2008 and All Future Elections

Fatwa #5:

You MAY NOT vote for ANY candidate for any office who meets the following disqualifications:

1) Has refused to endorse one of the four Green Lanterns as the general protector of Sector 2814.

2) Reads Marvel Comics and/or watches Anime or Stargate Atlantis.

3) Refuses to recognize the threat posed by Darkseid, the Legion of Doom, the Borg, and the Dominion.

4) Betrays Federation values in their words and voting patterns, which we know to be the only true values in the galaxy.

The punishment for casting your vote for any candidate who is guilty of the above charges is an eternal life of torment within the walls Arkham Asylum. So vote wisely because Batman is watching you. Five minutes of your life could end up costing you an eternal afterlife full of agony.

All Praise Be to Wonder Woman for helping us decide what's best for you, so that you don't have to make any of those decisions yourself.


Saturday, October 20, 2007

Rudy Giuliani, Klingons, and Values Voters

Rudy Giuliani has just lost any chance of winning the vote of a true DC Comictician and disciple of Star Trekiology. In fact, the Elders have decided to open a file on him to see if there are any connections between Giuliani and the Legion of Doom.

Apparently, a child asked the former NYC mayor if we were prepared to defend ourselves against hostile space aliens to which he replied, "yes".

Has Giuliani lost his fuckin' mind? Has he been snorting crystal meth, smoking crack or what? There is no way that we would be able to defend ourselves against Borg, the Dominion, or a host of other powers encountered by Captain Kathryn Janeway and the USS Voyager in the Delta Quadrant. At this point, I doubt we'd even be able to fend off the Romulans. And the Klingons? Hell, our public schools can't even bother to teach our children speak their language or how to effectively wield a bat'leth.

Then there's the "values voters" who solely concern themselves with some superhero named God- a superhero who hasn't so much as lifted a figure to help Batman solve one the the Riddler's complicated puzzles or investigate the evil mind beams being directed at us from Gorilla Grodd. This election is going to be disaster for those of us who have discovered the Truth and accepted the fact that only through our Holy Starfleet Captains and our Heroes in the JLA can we find redemption.

The only way we're going to fight off aliens, Mr. Mayor, is to start by accepting Captain Jean Luc Picard into our hearts and placing our faith in the almighty wisdom of Starfleet Command. The sooner Giuliani and all those so-called "value voters" understand this, the sooner we can answer that young child's valid question by saying, "Yes! we are ready for a hostile alien invasion".

A Priestly Hat Tip to my good friends over at Tennessee Guerilla Women


So Who Supports the Troops from Green Lantern Corps?

History, I believe, furnishes no example of a priest-ridden people maintaining a free civil government. This marks the lowest grade of ignorance of which their civil as well as religious leaders will always avail themselves for their own purposes.

-Thomas Jefferson (Letter to von Humboldt, 1813)

And as the Democratic candidates fight over which one is the most pious, the Republican Party continues to make this God superhero a major part of their party platform.

Or so says Factbox from Reuters:

"The leading Republican candidates in the White House race will try to woo religious social conservatives on Friday and Saturday at a "Values Voter Summit" organized by the Family Research Council, a right-wing lobby group with strong evangelical ties.

"Religion will play a major role in the 2008 presidential election in the United States, where church attendance rates and other indicators of faith are much higher than elsewhere in the developed world."

So here's the tally for the GOP:

Rudy Giuliani- Roman Catholic
Mitt Romney- Mormon
Fred Thompson- Church of Christ
John McCain- Southern Baptist
Mike Huckabee- Southern Baptist
(Ron Paul appears to missing from the tally)

Notice that not a single one of them has declared their support for a single one of earth's Green Lanterns, let alone all of them in their fight for justice against the evil Sinestro Corps.

Why is this? Why is it that our candidates can openly discuss their relationship with a superhero from the Bible who has yet to apply for affiliation with the Justice League of America or at least attempted to get into Starfleet Academy while ignoring the daily threats we face from the Legion of Doom and the dastardly villains rallying around Sinestro? These are real questions that we need to be asking all of the presidential hopefuls.

A future president must become aware of the mind beams being directed into our brains that make us all do bad things. They must endorse and join the battle against all things evil. Even a nod towards Superman or the Island of Themyscira would be helpful. But no, our fate appears to be in the hands of Lex Luthor, Darkseid, Gorilla Grodd, and Sinestro. May Batman have mercy upon us for such indiscretions.

I've made up my mind right now. I'm not supporting a single candidate who hasn't declared which of the earth's Green Lanterns is best suited to defend Sector 2814 from all sorts of evil, meteors of fire, and hostile aliens. You make up your own mind, but be careful- there's always one more cell in Arkham Asylum waiting for an occupant. One of them may have your name written on it.


Friday, October 19, 2007

A Prayer for Healing: Dr. Beverly Crusher

Good evening, friends, let us bow our heads in prayer.

O Mighty Doctor and Commander Crusher,

We thank you for all you've done to heal so many humanoids in the Alpha Quadrant. And just as you have healed so many, so do we need to get to work healing our own souls so that we may embrace Starfleet Command and someday serve aboard the Enterprise E with you and Captain Picard.

Dear Dr. Beverly Crusher, thank you for your work in helping to fight the Borg. Thank you for bringing Jean Luc Picard back from his ordeal with the Borg as Locutus. Please be with us as we too fight against an eternal fate in the hands of the Borg.

Please help bring our leaders and our school boards to their senses, so that we may begin to heal our nation by teaching of the blessed bounties from the United Federation of Planets. We know that without the Federation, we are empty shells without meaning, without purpose. With you in our eternal medical bay and in our hearts, we cannot fail.

In acting Ensign Wesley Crusher's name we pray to you,



Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Upon Which This Nation Was Founded

JDB from Infinity Ranch stumbled upon a really good article. In it, the author proclaims:

Fully 55% of the country, according to a recent survey by the First Amendment Center, believes that the U.S. Constitution establishes us as a 'Christian nation.' Worse still, while nearly all Americans say freedom of religion is important, only 56% think it should apply to all religious groups. The truth is that the Constitution says nothing about God. Not one word. And, you can bet that some of the local clergy back in the 1780s howled about it. Newspapers, pamphlets and sermons decried the drafters' failure to acknowledge God.


America's so-called Godless Constitution, with its provisions separating church and state, has given us the strongest political and religious institutions on earth. Among developed nations, no one else believes and worships as much as we Americans. One can only marvel when today's pious pulpiteers clamor for federal dollars for their 'faith-based initiatives' or complain that God has been kicked out of the public schools. Perhaps they were praying in school when they should have been studying their history.

There's a simple explanation for why the founders of this nation didn't include God's name in the U.S. Constitution. They didn't want to include some being who has no heat-ray vision or Baterangs when they were writing the Law of the Land. Seriously, this isn't rocket science. Why include superheroes whose only superpowers are walking on water, healing lepers, and turning water into wine in a nation's constitution? It makes no sense.

And if your wondering why the framers didn't include Superman or Batgirl in the original drafts, it's because they didn't want to expose their secret identities to the public. They knew better. Imagine trying to flee the Batman's wrath when all you got is a fuckin' horse and buggy.

This is all so simple, I don't know why people are having so much trouble figuring it out. Guess that's what happens to those who choose to ignore the almighty powers of the Justice League.


Monday, October 15, 2007

A Call to the Infidels

Know that the Batman is all powerful, all seeing, and all knowing. How can anyone deny the Truth when the DC scriptures make it so plain? Batman cannot and will not be denied. With Him there is no fear.

It is not too late to step into the light. Please, we want you to join us in the Hall of Justice. Accept the Justice League into your heart and your problems will disappear. If we can just believe and bring our country back to the truth and justice handed down to us through DC Comics; the truth and justice upon which this nation was founded, we will return to what we once were.


Editor's Note:

We here at the First Church of the DC Comictician and the Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets think there aren't enough violent, backward and intolerant religious sects in this world so we just thought we'd add our name to list.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Bring On World War III

A revelation had been bestowed upon our Elders. We now believe that we should strive to get our people elected to the U.S. government where we can launch a destructive and devastating third world war.

We know what you are thinking: what kind of crazy ass religious fruit cakes would want to bring about a nuclear war which could possibly bring about the end of the world? Well, the answer is just plain common sense.

Star Trek teaches us that the Vulcans will arrive at military base in Montana in 2063. They will come after we discover warp drive which will happen after World War III. So if we start the war early, we'll invent the warp drive early which will bring the coming of the Vulcans early.

This is a simple math equation, folks. And speaking of equations, the scriptures tell us that only 3/4 of the human population will be destroyed. Those are damn good odds compared to other religions' numbers. Our problems will all be solved for us by a higher power at the low cost of only 75% of the earth's population. The answers are right there in the show and those who choose to open their eyes and discover the Truth will see our logic. Those who choose not to step into the light will find their home in a dark Borg cube. As our beloved Captain Jean Luc Picard reminds us, being assimilated by the Borg is a fate worse than death. Hear the word.

So let's get to work figuring out ways we can get elected to office. The sooner we can bring the Vulcans to Earth, the sooner we can launch the United Federation of Planets, and the sooner we can start preparing to defend ourselves against a Dominion invasion.

All Praise Be To Captain Kathryn Janeway for this new revelation which will put us back on the path to righteousness.


Saturday, October 13, 2007

A Word from the Scriptures

Friends, let us take a moment to share in the scriptures.

Batman Confidential offers us some valuable insights on how we should live our lives and impose our beliefs on others. For the Bat tells us:

It's funny. The difference between silence and quiet.

Silence has a hum behind it. A nervousness. The fear of making a sound.

Quiet is absence. It is rest.

Silence is breath held. Quiet is soft breathing.

Tonight Gotham is quiet. For the first time since I've known her. It is working.

-Batman Confidential, 9/7: Frame 1

So what can learn from Batman's words?

Quiet is morally better than than silence. It is the quiet society we desire; it is the quiet society we seek to impose on others, whether they have accepted the Truth or not. We must strive to quiet, not silence, our public schools and institutions so that we may hear the sound of evil approaching. The Bat makes this clear.

In the same Book of Batman, we learn in Frames 15-17:

They know to fear me.

Yes... it is working.

Crime has learned my name. And it has recoiled.

From this, we know that Batman will not tolerate crime (secular institutions) for very much longer. I think His words speak very plainly: people must abandon their disbelief and stop looking to false heroes like Spiderman and Wolverine for their salvation. We are all criminals at heart and only through the Batman and the JLA can we find redemption.

So please, step into the light. Accept Bruce Wayne as the one true Bat and Robin as His partner. Embrace the Truth and the blessings bestowed upon us by Batgirl. You will quickly find that our problems are much easier to solve than we may think. We must learn to be quiet, but we shall never be silent.


Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Once Again, Why Do People Worry?

How much exposure should those of us who have discovered the Truth have to endure from these nihilists of the environmentalist movement? They worry about global warming and greenhouse emissions when the Star Trek scriptures clearly teach us that the Vulcans are going to arrive in 2063 and set things straight. Now they're wasting their time worrying about certain kinds of animals going extinct.


"Taiwanese and mainland Chinese conservationists are joining hands to save an endangered sea bird from extinction by urging fishermen to stop collecting and eating the birds' eggs.

"The Chinese crested tern — white with a black-and-white crest — migrates to eastern Chinese coasts between May and September, Taiwanese conservationists say. It's thought the birds fly there to escape the heat in South Asia, although they have not been seen outside of China or Taiwan."

I'm sure these birds are nice and all, but how is any of this going to protect us from early Borg or Dominion invasion? Believe me, once the Gem'Hadar break through our defensive grid, the Chinese crested tern won't be the only ones going extinct. And besides, the Star Trek scriptures teach us that time travel will become possible so we can just go back and retrieve all these animals just as soon as we have defeated all our enemies.

Just like Captain James T. Kirk and his first officer Mr. Spock will bring back the humpback whale (Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home), so can we bring back the spotted owl, timberwolves, and the Dodo bird. It's right there in the shows- how much clearer do the prophesies need to be? Apparently, faith just isn't good enough for some people these days.

So please, people, stop worrying. Write down all the animals and plants you want to retrieve from the past; we'll go back and get them just as soon as possible. Right now, we need to be investing our time and energy building a shield around our planet and getting ready to protect ourselves against the hostile aliens foretold in the scriptures. Without humans, there will be no Federation and life without the Federation is a fate worse than death. We need to protect ourselves now and worry about the birds later.

If we can just place our faith in Starfleet Command and start believing in Jean Luc Picard, all of our problems and fears will evaporate just as quickly as the ice is melting in Antarctica.


Islam vs. Christianity

Monday, October 8, 2007


I went downtown this morning to make a deposit at the bank and mail a few bills. As it turns out, both the bank and the post office were closed. I couldn't figure what was going on.

Then it dawned on me. Today must be the the day that Black Canary and Green Arrow are getting married. That's got to be it- because I can't think of any other significant event that took place on October 8th in history worth celebrating. Perhaps our nation isn't rolling in secular filth and Marvel blasphemy afterall.

So Happy Joining of the Green Arrow and Black Canary Day!

Let us all honor these two great Heroes who have given their lives to keep us safe from evil.


The Powerpuff Girls- Fighting For Humanity

While all the presidential candidates are out fighting over who is the most "Christian", the Powerpuff Girls are joining in the battle to save humanity from the Legion of Doom.

All praise be to the Martian Manhunter for this wonderful news that we're proud to share with you.

More Legion of Doom Sympathizers Exposed

Our Elders have made an another startling discovery in the search for leaders, politicians, and entertainers who are suspected of aiding or giving comfort to Gorilla Grodd, Lex Luthor, and the Legion of Doom.

Republican presidential candidate, John McCain, has just made the list.

In an article from the Associated Press, here's McCain:

"'I just have to say in all candor that since this nation was founded primarily on Christian principles ... personally, I prefer someone who I know who has a solid grounding in my faith,' McCain said. 'But that doesn't mean that I'm sure that someone who is Muslim would not make a good president.'"

"Later, McCain said, 'I would vote for a Muslim if he or she was the candidate best able to lead the country and defend our political values.' He added that 'the Constitution established the United States of America as a Christian nation.'"

What's missing from McCain's response? He makes no reference to Superman, Wonder Woman, or Batman. Nothing about the Justice League or the Justice Society. You would think that someone concerned about faith and political values would at least give a nod to Hal Jordon, John Stewart, Guy Gardner (Kyle Rainer is out of the running thanks to Parallax), and the rest of the Green Lantern Corps for working so hard to protect us from all the Sinestro Corps.

This, in itself, is not proof that McCain is an agent/sympathizer of the Legion of Doom. We understand that there are many people in this country who haven't discovered the Truth and therefore cling to superheroes with no powers of heat ray vision, no magic golden lassos, and no crime-stopping toys invented in the Batcave.

What our elders find disturbing is his jumping around from comic book to comic book. He says we were founded by Bible comic fans, then he jumps around to Quran comic books fans and fans of the comic book called the Torah too. Clearly, this is an indication that he has some connection to Lex Luthor and his organized band of criminals. Confusion and chaos are the ways of the Legion and it looks like McCain is doing their bidding. That's all the proof required for us to demand a tribunal.

In short, Mr. Senator, we want someone "grounded in our faith" too. There is too much at stake to allow someone who does not recognize the Man of Steel from Krypton, the Amazon Princess from Themyscira, and the Dark Knight from Gotham City as our true saviors against all things sinister to lead our nation.

All Praise Be to the Martian Manhunter for allowing us this wisdom.


Sunday, October 7, 2007

From Vulcan? Hell No

There ain't no fuckin' way this guy could be a Vulcan. And it doesn't take a high priest from a church which celebrates Star Trekiology to explain why.

Hat Tip to Tennessee Guerilla Women for sharing this hilarious picture.


Saturday, October 6, 2007

Real History

Why isn't this film being played in world history classes?

While our secular schools are busy teaching useless subjects like math, reading, and science, the Borg are on their way to assimilate the entire Alpha Quadrant. And unless this country starts embracing our Federation heritage and practicing the values of our Holy Starfleet Captains upon which this nation was founded, we will most certainly fall before the collective.

May Captain Benjamin Sisko have mercy upon our souls.


How We Live Our Lives


Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Iowa and The Great Adam and Eve Myth

My friend Egalia recently blogged about a professor at Southwestern Community College who got fired for referring to a section of that big comic book called the Holy Bible as a myth. The comic book frames in question are the ones that talk about a man, a woman, a snake, and a garden called Eden.

In Egalia's words:

"If you want to teach in an Iowa Community College, you should probably be prepared to teach that snakes have a tradition of talking, eating the wrong apple can bring on the downfall of mankind (sic), and the manly ribcage was the precursor to the womanly womb.

"In other words, Iowa is preparing students for jobs in the Bush Administration.

"Southwestern Community College instructor Steve Bitterman says he was fired for teaching that the Adam and Eve creation myth IS a myth."

Indeed. And those of us who understand Star Trekiology and have accepted Starfleet Command into our hearts know that the Adam and Eve story is nothing more than a story because we have been enlightened by Q through Captain Jean Luc Picard as to how life started on this planet and it wasn't started by two people dancing around naked in some magical garden.

Mr. Spock has confirmed this in the scriptures of Star Trek 6: The Undiscovered Country; where it is revealed to us that he keeps a painting in his quarters of the Adam and Eve myth as a reminder that all things must end. And we do not ever question the word of Spock.

The Star Trek scriptures also teach us about a group of renegade dissidents who hijacked the Enterprise under Captain James T. Kirk's command and took the ship into Romulan space to a planet that they believed was the location of this place called the Garden of Eden. (Star Trek Season 3: Chapter 16)

Of course, the planet ended up being full of deadly plants and poisonous fruit; not entirely unlike the kind they seem to serving at Iowa's Southwestern Community College.

So what is it that the administrators hope to accomplish by firing Steve Bitterman? Do their sensitive Christian students also plan on violating our Neutral Zone Treaty with the Romulans by hurling themselves into their space in an attempt to prove that their great myth isn't really a myth. Judging by the rationale that seems to prevail over Southwestern Community College, it wouldn't really surprise me.


Monday, October 1, 2007

Flintstone for President '08

The First Church of the DC Comictician and the Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets proudly announces it's support for Fred Flintstone for President of the United States.

Fred supports family values and success through hard work.

Fred believes in conservative morals and decency.

Fred is a shining example of the very things we hope for in this country. Fred is a family man and proud husband of Wilma Flintstone. Together, they're raising a beautiful young daughter named Pebbles.

Best of all, Fred's prehistoric morals and outlook on life will go hand in hand with the religious revival that has gripped this nation and helped push so many people out their doors to get out and vote against gay marriage and abortion.

And since we have spent the past thirty years turning this country into Bedrock, Fred is ideal candidate to lead us back into the past.

So in 2008:

Vote Right, Vote Stone Age, Vote Fred Flintstone for President.


Update: Fred has announced his running partner for the 2008 election:

Homer Simpson

His qualifications:

1) He has worked harder to get where he is today than Dick Cheney, and

2) He's smarter than George W. Bush.

Plus he will generate support from all those white male voters who are sick and tired of all those people who know something about government, seeking to run the government.

Flintstone/Simpson '08- America: The Way It Was Meant to Be!