Sunday, September 23, 2007

On Watching Summer Movies

Fatwa #3: You are hereby forbidden by the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets to watch Ghost Rider or Fantastic Four- Rise of the Silver Surfer now that they are coming out on DVD. We also order our followers to throw tomatoes or other rotten vegetables at the producers of these two movies and block the doors to all video stores that would seek to spread these unholy ideas to the public through rentals.

This blasphemy must not be allowed to stand. These movies are an affront to everything we know to be decent and they are being used as cannons to launch impure ideas into the minds of our children.

First, Ghost Rider is far too close to resembling the dangerous supervillian, Atomic Skull, to be taken as anything other than unholiness in it's purest form. Taking the Atomic Skull lightly is a one-way ticket to the Legion of Doom's swamp.

Second, we know from the scriptures that there are only two heroes who can stretch, twist, and bend their bodies: the redoubtable Elongated Man and Plastic Man. This idea that Reed Richards, Mr. Fantastic, flew a spaceship into some cosmic rays which transformed him and his colleagues is so far-fetched, I can't see how anyone can buy it. If he had completed a little bit of training at Starfleet Academy, his navigational skills wouldn't have been so sloppy- which means his values are far closer to that of Lex Luthor than those handed down to us by the Justice League of America.

It has been so decided by the elders. We offer praise to the Martian Manhunter for giving us the strength to stand up for what is right and to be rigidly intolerant of those who are different from us. All glory shall be in His name.

It is said.



Anne Johnson said...

Banning movies and books is the first refuge of a desperate religion. Are you feeling a little scared, DC? 'Cuz the younger generation is rockin with Reed, and you're in the archives.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

The Justice League and Starfleet Command make the our decisions for us through the Elders. It is our duty to just believe and accept the wisdom laid out for us.

Fear is not something true believers should ever experience.

Like Captain Jean Luc Picard said:

"Borg vessel, you have committed acts of aggression against the United Federation of Planets. We have developed new defensive capabilities since our last encounter and we will be forced to use them if you do not withdraw from Federation space."

I think His words are pretty clear. Don't partake any form of entertainment that offends the Truth.