Sunday, February 24, 2008

Fatwa# 11 On Diets

Good news, friends. The Elders have handed down two very stringent rules in one fatwa that you must follow to the letter unless you want to have your eternal soul hauled off to Arkham Asylum.

Fatwa #11:

First, you are hereby ordered not to eat bat meat. Bats are unfit for human consumption and you must remember that your body is not your own. It is a temple to the Justice League of America. Consuming the meat of bats violates that temple and it will not stand in the eyes of our Eternal Heroes. Plus, eating bats shows a blatant disregard for Batgirl, whose life hath been devoted to protecting you. So take all that bat meat you bought on special at the grocery store this weekend and throw it in the garbage and don't bother asking yourself any questions.

Second, this church demands that you eat at least one serving of possum every Friday. The only reason for this is that it has been ordered by the High Priest and the Intergalactic Board of Elders. That's all the reason you need and we're not currently accepting any questions on the matter. You are just a person while the Elders and I speak directly and everyday to the Martian Manhunter. That's all you need to know at this point.

All Praise Be to Wonder Woman for making our lives simpler by creating so many little rules for us all to follow in order to avoid eternal damnation in Arkham.


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5 comments:

Malach the Merciless said...

Don't eat bat, but I have PLENTY of Opossums in the yard, should be able to do the second! I am slowly coverting! Sorry Dr. Strange!

Rosie said...

Oh, well, that's okay then. I was afraid you were going to issue something silly like no raw fish.

You may find THIS to be of interest. I was surprised to find Batman had come to our shores. There is even a rumor that Superman was here too. I'm not sure I believe it. If they start talking about translating stuff in a hat, I'm outta there.

jennyville said...

I think you should take this a step further and encourage our schools to serve possum on Fridays. ;)

Jennifer said...

Hey! Don't pick on the possums! They're cute!

But I agree, no bats. They're cute too. Plus they eat mosquitoes.

If anything, we should eat bugs:
http://tinyurl.com/2n5c3q
It will save the planet and make sure our ecology is intact when the Borg arrive.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Jenny,

We'd try getting schools to follow our divine laws of sacred Truth, but between all the Legion of Doom infested school boards and these damn liberal activist judges who refuse to allow Batgirl's teachings into the classroom- I doubt we'd be very successful.

Jennifer,

Perhaps, we should start eating bugs. They are a delicacy on several Alpha Quadrant worlds- so they can't be all bad.