Monday, February 11, 2008

What Have You Done Lately (for the Justice League)

Question of the day:

Are you doing enough to make sure that the JLA wins the upcoming battle against the Legion of Doom?

The answer:

No, you aren't.

Sure, people wear their Superman shirts and sport their Batman ball caps, but that isn't enough, people. Some will tell me that they spend their entire day studying and reading the word of the Justice League, but they haven't even bothered to take the Word into the streets. They're barely doing their part.

Others say they they go door to door and ask people if they've heard of Aquaman. Yet, they don't spend enough enough time at home and spend the time that is required to learn what Hawkgirl has tried to teach us.

People will come up with all kinds of excuses about why they aren't devoting their every waking moment to the DC scriptures. They say, "but, but I have a job" or "I need to put food on table". These are really lame excuses and they will offer very little comfort (let alone amnesty) when the Legion of Doom has firmly planted their flag on the White House lawn.

Rest assured that when this happens, it will be your fault because you didn't do enough to stop it. You were out there reading Spawn comic books and wondering if he might join in the fight when you should have been out showing your support Wonder Woman and the Green Lantern.

That's right. When Lex Luthor starts packing the Supreme Court with his own people, just remember that you could have stopped it if you would have just worked a little harder.

11 comments:

AngryMan said...

Mmmm, Wonder Woman . . .

Pope Benedict XVI said...

You are going to straight to Hell child, making new religions and promoting men in tights, yes, yes.

Anne Johnson said...

Hey Elvis, are these "superdelegates" who will be picking the next Democratic presidential candidate part of your religious group? The "super" part makes me wonder. If so, do they support Batman or Wonder Woman?

Elvis Drinkmo said...

No, those are blasphemers who use the word "super" when they're out voting for candidates who don't support the troops of the Green Lantern Corps.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Your holiness,

Thanks for dropping by.

Hopefully the Truth that emanates from this blog will cause you to change your ways. Following some God who doesn't have superpowers, a cave, or a utility belt is the true definition of insanity. Fortunately, Arkham Asylum has a very comprehensive program for dealing with mental health issues.

Seriously, Pope, if Jesus comes back how the hell is he going to defend Sector 001 from the Borg when he can't even take the helm of a Galaxy-class starship in a crunch.

Malach the Merciless said...

I think too many of us are confused and all the history revisions and "Crisis". HELP ME!

Buzzardbilly said...

Beleive me, Elvis, I'm pretty sure Joey Ratz (aka, da Pope) is here to look at the men in tights. I'd bet dollars to doughnuts on that one.

Buzzardbilly said...

Beleive me, Elvis, I'm pretty sure Joey Ratz (aka, da Pope) is here to look at the men in tights. I'd bet dollars to doughnuts on that one.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Malach,

There's no need for confusion. All we have to do is believe. There are some things that are beyond mere human comprehension; therefore we must put our faith in the Crisis and stop asking questions.

The next time you feel puzzled by something that may seem like revisionism: close your eyes, place your hand on a copy of the Batman Chronicles and fill your heart with the warmth that can only come from Superman's heat ray vision. With the Martian Manhunter in our minds and the word of Hawkgirl upon our lips, we can overcome all confusion and become one with the Justice League of America. Everything else is irrelevant.

We must beware the Legion of Doom. For they are always amongst us, always waiting for faith to become shaken and our hearts to falter. They know we we're all born with the original sinister and they know that we all possess the desire to rob banks and steal precious museum artifacts. It is only through Batgirl that can face these desires and say to ourselves, "No! I will not give into my primal nature and do the bidding of Gorilla Grodd or the Joker. Steadfast, Elongated Man, I hold onto thee. And so I say 'Begone Lex Luthor! Be gone Legion of Doom!'"

The Riddler loves questions.

The greatest Crisis we face is that which lies within our own souls. Like the American presidential election we have only two choices. Two choices. The choice is between the Hall of Justice and Arkham Asylum. It is only through our actions that we may obtain the bliss which comes from being with the Justice League. We must strive to remain pure so that Superdog will let us inside those golden gates.

I hope that answers any doubts you may be feeling.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Billy,

You may be right. That may be why the Bat chose Robin to be his partner- to draw priests away from false teachings and invite them to come over to the one faith we know to be True. Only the Justice League in their eternal wisdom knows for sure.

All we do know is that we are in the business of saving souls. Whatever it takes to draw people away from the horrors of Arkham, whatever it takes.

Luke Cage said...

There is strength in numbers.

If you only agree with 60% of what I have to say, wouldn't the possibility of getting some of that accomplished be better than getting 100% of nothing accomplished?

Luke Cage For President '08