Saturday, February 9, 2008

My Dearest

This letter came to the church's mailbox as of yesterday:

From Sister Yvonne Williamson
BP 20, Abidjan, B.P. V 74
avenue Nogues, Le Plateau
Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire
West Africa.

Dearest In Christ,

My greetings to you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.I am Mrs.Yvonne Williamson from South Africa. I am married to Archdeacon. Arlene Williamson whom until his death served as an archdeacon in the St.Micheal's archdeaconry in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2003. We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.

Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $4.5.Million with one of the famous bank here in Abidjan capital of Cote d'Ivoire for safe keeping.

Presently, my Doctor confirmed to me that I have serious sickness which is cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness.Haven known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein.

I want a church that will use this fund for orphanages, helping the widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavour that the house of God is maintained.

The Bible made us to understand that Blessed is the hand that grive. I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don’t want my husband’s efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don’t want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way.

This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that» the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace”. I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband’s relatives around me always. I don’t want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible.

As soon as I receive your reply I will give you the contact of the bank here in Abidjan. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another church or individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply. Due to present condition of my health, I was warned by my doctor to avoid receiving or making any call.

Remain blessed in the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs Yvonne Williamson.

And this was our reply:

Dearest Yvonne,

Apparently, you've reached the inbox of the wrong church. Here we don't worship gods who can't shoot laser beams from their eyeballs, wield green power rings, or lead a fleet of starships into battle against the Borg Collective.

You'll need to find another church to receive your generous $4.5 million donation for we live by the word of the Justice League and Starfleet alone.

However, to show that we are merciful church we are going to honor your second request by praying to the Batman and ask that He come to your house in the middle of the night and give you everything that you really deserve.

One piece of advice, madame, when you get to Arkham Asylum be sure to keep your mouth shut when the Joker is nearby. You never know what kind of scams or pranks he's likely to pull on the weak minded and the helpless.

Yours truly in Batgirl's Grace,

The High Priest and Reverend Elvis D.

from the First Church of the DC Comictician
and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets


Malach the Merciless said...

Wow, they moved on to Born Again Christians, huh?

AngryMan said...

You should have at least taken the money!

Betsy aka 'the goat yoda' said...

Hey Elvis, I didn't know you had linked to me- anyway, she should get sent to the yearly Nigerian Email scam Convention they have every year- sounds like great fun.

Being a Browncoat of little note, the Trekker in me at least got to see Nichelle Nichols at D*Con last fall and Walter Koenig at AdventureCon in K'Ville, TN in June.

Have you seen the fan-fic DVD's out with the original S*T set work? Some of them- the ones I have seen- are excellent.

Don't beam me up- I'm more like Reg that way......

Anne Johnson said...

I'm starting to be moved by this site. During most of my life I've always thought Batman was a myth, and Star Trek was just a cheaply-produced television show. Now I'm starting to see the error of my ways.

Anyhow, is there a bank account that I can send money to in order to support your worthy mission, Elder Elvis?

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Why yes, Anne. Leave your donation on the table and we'll have Scotty beam it to our church treasury.

(Make sure the beam is yellow, if it's blue it could be identity theft being perpetrated by the Ferangi.)

Buzzardbilly said...

Wow. A person who scams Christians trying to resort to scamming the Bat Faithful.

Between now and when Batman delivers her just(ice) deserts, where does one forward such things so at least that addy it was sent from is killed? Or do they?

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Not sure Billy.

But the scriptures teach us that Alfred will most certainly be running an analysis in the batcave. With the batcave all things are possible.

jennyville said...

Gotta love the Nigerian email scams.

My favorite one ever comes courtesy of the Fonejacker.

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