Saturday, February 16, 2008

The Response

The following response to the last open letter was also received on subspace:

Dear Racist Supporters of Captain Janeway,

Do you all know any other words from the dictionary besides "misogyny"?

It is our understanding that you are trying to manipulate the superdelegates to the Intergalactic Board of Elders to choose Captain Janeway's words over Captain Sisko's wisdom.

Just so the leaders of this church are clear, we will not stand for it. We will throw all of our Star Trek DVDs in the trash and start watching Stargate Atlantis before we allow such an injustice to be done to the majority of the people who make up this church body.

Yes, Captain Benjamin Sisko had to have an ambassador killed to pull the Romulan Star Empire into the Dominion War. The Federation just lost the Betazed homeworld to the Dominion. What was He supposed to do? Furthermore, where was Captain Janeway when the Jem'Hadar were killing off Federation citizens left and right? Oh, that's right, she was lost in the Delta Quadrant forming alliances with hostile enemies like the Borg Collective in order to get her crew out of the mess she got them into in the first place.

Again this will not stand. While we harbor no ill feelings toward the proud women who wear the Starfleet uniform, the majority of us clearly believe that Captain Benjamin Sisko is the right Captain to lead us back into the light.


Apostates for Captain Sisko's Majority

Our reply:

Dear Apostates,

Again, we must implore you to stop all these artificial divisions. We must remember to stop and ask ourselves, "What Would Captain Kirk Do?"

Well, we know what He wouldn't do. He wouldn't have Federation citizens squabbling and fighting amongst themselves while our most lethal enemies wait just beyond the horizon to strike at the very foundation of what the United Federation of Planets holds dear.

It is not for us to judge the actions of Captain Kathryn Janeway while the Starship Voyager was navigating its way through the Delta Quadrant. For Her decision remains supreme over that of the mere noncommissioned officer. We do not question. Once we begin questioning the orders of our Holy Starfleet Captains, we might as well hand ourselves right over to the Borg for assimilation.

If She had been in the Alpha Quadrant during the Dominion invasion, I'm sure that Her and the crew of Voyager would have blowing Jem'Hadar soldiers back into the stone ages while their changeling masters stood haplessly by with their liquid state jaws hanging open.

For the record, the Elders and I have no intention of declaring our support for one Starfleet Captain over another. It will take prayers to all of our Starfleet Captains to bring us from this shape-shifter infested public realm back to the Federation values upon which this nation was founded.

We seriously hope this will end any divisions that have formed within the body of our glorious church.



Malach the Merciless said...

Wow it is a Clinton Obama space opera!

AngryMan said...

Captain Janeway is the devil.

Buzzardbilly said...

So long as a Starfleet Commander makes it in the end, I'll be happy. We must pull together or risk the possibility of those nefarious ne'er-do-wells in Arkham Asylum align themselves with the shapeshifters.

Right now, only the tenacity of BibleMan (who was only played by Willie Ames on TV) is keeping the Asylum joining forces with the Jem'Hadar. We must prepare for the day when this is not so.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Thank you, Billy. Finally someone is talking some sense.

Between the Legion of Doom, the Borg, the Dominion and whole dimensions full of hostile alien entities, we have our hands full without having to turn on each other.

See, this is what asking too many questions leads to. It starts with why then it leads to a Borg alcove full of wires and electric headboards and what not.

If we could just close our eyes and our minds we could all know the divinity of hearing Captain Kirk say, "Beam me up, Scotty".

Buzzardbilly said...

Well thank you, Elvis!

I've got that closing my eyes thing down pat, but I'm having trouble with the closing my mind part. What is the cure for this?

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Humming the original Star Trek theme song aloud while holding out your arms and spinning in circles- for fifteen hours.

wilma said...

No Angryman, Sisko is the devil.

While Captain Janeway was continuing James Kirk's original mission of exploring strange new worlds and seeking out new civilizations, Sisko was stationary; starting wars and causing all kinds of trouble.

SpaceJock said...

Sure, Wilma. Tell that to the guy from the Delta Quadrant who lost his entire race to the Borg because Janeway thought Species 8472 posed more of a threat.

egalia said...

Seriously people, have you looked at Sisko's resume? It's going to take a lot more than charm and sweet words to get us out of this mess. Lives and the future of the planet earth are at stake.

Nice work, Elvis. It looks and feels just as crazy from every standpoint I've tried. The system sucks, but it's the only one we have and, in my view, the debate, maddening as it is, is worth the effort.

Again, nice work. :-)

Elvis Drinkmo said...

You're always welcome here at the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets, Egalia.

egalia said...

Thanks, elvis.