Thursday, February 21, 2008

The Rise and Fall of Empires

Check this nonsense out:

History reveals that all governments, empires and kingdoms of men, no matter how grand, no matter how powerful, ultimately fall. It happened to ancient Egypt, Assyria and Babylon. Even Rome was not exempt; though it dominated much of Europe, Northern Africa, the Middle East and parts of the Near East, and lasted for 500 years, the Roman Empire ultimately fell.

There is an old and popular saying: “Rome was not built in a day.” Likewise, the Roman Empire did not fall in one night; its decline was gradual. Not long after it rose to world dominance, several factors were already at work contributing to the empire’s ultimate demise.

Similarly, these factors are at work among the societies of the American and British peoples—and serve as warning signs of a civilization destined to fall.

Then, this writer goes on to list seven reasons why America and Great Britain are about fall. Here's a few of them:

Children are growing up pampered and catered to, never learning to accept and recover from setbacks—never being taught to “rise up before the hoary head, and honor the face of the old man” (Lev. 19:32), which is connected to fearing God—never instructed to think of others before themselves."


"The Romans were pagan idol worshipers who took the gods of the Greeks and gave them Roman names. Accompanying the assortment of false gods was lascivious religious rituals and customs. Temple prostitution, drunkenness and other vices that appealed to the flesh were common across the empire. Similar to the Greeks, the Romans worshipped mythological figures who freely gave in to carnal desires—deceiving, stealing, getting drunk and committing fornication, adultery, even rape!

Today, millions of Americans, Britons and others claim to worship only one deity, the God of the Bible—yet their actions scream something quite different!

Now, let's correct a few things here, shall we?

While we agree with the writer's general premise that America, Britain, and others are lost, everyone knows that the universe can't be run some being who doesn't even know how to fire phasers or launch photon torpedoes. For Captain Kirk saith unto the masses, Two to beam up, Scotty. Note that he doesn't saith, "Two to beam up, Lord". I really don't think the Truth could be any more obvious.

Love cannot conquer the Borg, but ass kicking starship maneuvers can. The Star Trek scriptures have made this clear to all those who would listen. I mean let's use our heads here, people. If the Borg had assimilated God instead of Captain Jean Luc Picard or turned Jesus into Locutus, we would very likely be plugging into our alcoves tonight instead of resting our heads comfortably on soft pillows.

We also agree that children should raised on strict and brutal discipline. All children are born with the original sinister. They begin to dream of robbing jewelry stores just as soon as that umbilical cord is cut. Therefore, in order make them good American citizens, they must learn the true meaning of the word "fear". But how are kids going to fear some guy who can't even flood the planet right? Seriously, the guy stands by and watches his enemies do all kinds of wicked shit and doesn't lift a damn finger to blast them with some super speed or bash them across the head with a Baterang.

What children really need these days is a healthy dose of Batman every morning. They need to be shown what happens to cowardly criminals when He sets His sites on them. They need to understand what a terrible place Arkham Asylum is and how they will be forced to spend an eternity there if they don't heed the word of the Justice League. Every time your kids do something wrong, point to the window and say you just saw a dark human-like figure spread His wings in the shadows. Then watch them shape the fuck up.

You see, America doesn't have to be on the decline. If we could just bring this nation back to its DC Comics and Federation roots, all our problems would vanish just like the Iconians and Gorilla City.



Malach the Merciless said...

You would be proud, me and the 6 year old watch Batman and Superman every night on Jetix. I am hoping they do Justice League soon . . .

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Good for you, Malach. If more children were being reared in the Batman's grace, all of our problems would be solved.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Oh, and for the record- The Justice League Unlimited can be seen on Boomerang at 11:30PM.

All Praise Be to Batgirl!

AngryMan said...

What role would Sisko have in this?

Elvis Drinkmo said...

We believe that the word of Captain Sisko can help guide us through perilous times. He told the Dominion he would no longer tolerate a military buildup in the Alpha Quadrant and mined the entrance to the wormhole so that no more Jem'Hader ships could cross over into the Gamma Quadrant.

Parents could learn from this and mine the entrances to rooms in their houses they don't want their kids to go into. I guarantee that that would put an end to this particular form of disobedience.