Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The Struggle for The Soul

Brothers and sisters, we have become aware that in 2008 many Star Trekiologists have begun fighting amongst themselves over who was a better Starfleet Captain: Kathryn Janeway or Benjamin Sisko. Both Captains are successful and their popularity ratings amongst the faithful are almost neck in neck.

The Elders and I love all the children of the flock, so we've tried listening to both sides, but the level of irrationality and flaring tempers has become so great that we have been forced into the Vulcan wing of Starfleet Headquarters to burn incense and sit crosslegged before the alter of James T. Kirk and meditate upon a solution.

This is what we see:

The Captain Janeway supporters are calling the Captain Sisko supporters misogynists. They claim that she has been slighted by the church membership because she is a woman. The Captain Sisko supporters are firing their phasers back at the Captain Janeway supporters because they feel that there is some underlying racism in this argument.

The Sisko supporters are quick to point out that Captain Janeway has been employing some questionable tactics in order to win. They feel she betrayed the United Federation of Planets and the Alpha Quadrant by forming a temporary alliance with the Borg in an effort to defend our galaxy from Species 8472. They say Her tactics are dirty and underhanded and that She often relies on Captain Jean Luc Picard for support. The answer from the Janeway camp is the same: the Sisko supporters are stupid misogynists who don't know what is in their best interest.

The Janeway supporters constantly site Captain Sisko's relative inexperience because during the first three seasons of Deep Space Nine, he was a Commander and not a Captain. They say that His desire to form alliances with various lifeforms and entities such as the Bajoran wormhole aliens and the Ferangi Alliance are suspect. He is continuously referred to as a sell-out and His supporters are often labeled as closet Romulans by those partial to Captain Janeway.

Captain Sisko's supporters believe that the only way we can bring lasting peace to the Alpha Quadrant is to form alliances with other alien races and bring all walks of life into the fold- Captain Janeway's supporters respond to this by saying that Captain Sisko is too inexperienced and that His people are closet Ferangi. They casually dismiss Her own alliance with the Borg and overlook her continual reliance upon the experience of Captain Picard for success.

Friends, we must stop this petty bickering. We are all citizens of the United Federation of Planets. People who are partial to Captain Janeway need to stop bashing the people who favor Captain Sisko and vice versa. Even the people who support a third choice of other commissioned officers like Commodore Decker need to give all this infighting a rest. All of us who claim Federation citizenship share many of the same goals and believe in the principles laid out for us in the Federation Charter.

We're told this will all be over in November. All the Elders and I can say is that seriously we hope so. If these battles rage on, we risk the chance of opening a rift in the multiverse and letting in people from the Mirror Universe to come to Sector 001 and rule our lives.



Blonde Goddess said...

I just had to tell you how much I LOVED this post. Most times I don't want to sully the perfection with a comment so I don't leave one, but you have got to be commended for your absolute talent...

You're a genius and I LOVE reading your blog!!!

Ananke said...

I feel like there's a hidden message here..... Hm, what could it be? Hee hee.

Loved this post. :-D

Buzzardbilly said...

Again the truth flows from you like bilgewater down a sluiceway. Excellent, as always.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Thank you all. Lieutenant Uhura has hailed this church and informed us that Captain James T. Kirk will gladly sponsor your entries into Starfleet Academy in the next life.

Blonde Goddess- please, always feel free to comment. We must share our love for Starfleet Command so that we may bring both Captain Benjamin Sisko and Captain Kathryn Janeway's message into every home in the Alpha Quadrant.

Jennifer said...

Damn you, Elvis, how dare you even suggest that one captain is better than the other? You should obviously know who is better and just toe the line! How dare you bring up differing points of view? You are obviously a Borg.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Yes, I know Jennifer. But I'd like to take this opportunity to say (raises left hand and puts right on Star Trek TNG Season 4 DVD case)- that I am not nor have I ever been linked to the high mind of Borg Collective.

The church seems to feel that I must declare my support for either Captain Janeway or Captain Sisko- when in reality I think Commodore Decker deserves special praise for saving us all from that Doomsday machine that was set on destroying everything.

We all understand that tensions are running high this year because our nation has been infested with shape-shifters and people who seem to think dealing with Orion syndicate smugglers is good business.

But in these perilous times we must remember the words of Captain James T. Kirk:

"Warp One, Mr Sulu. Take us out."

Flying Junior said...

That's really great Elvis! But I think a lot of the charm of Star Trek is that all traces of bigotry, racial prejudice, mysogyny, etc. have long fallen by the wayside in a new era of equal rights and universal respect. Except for the occasional planet where a race of white-on-the-left and black-on-the-right looks down on their polar opposites!

Elvis Drinkmo said...

No doubt, Flying Junior, that's why I always like Star Trek. And thanks.

I believe the Riddler (Frank Gershin) played in that episode- which might explain the divisiveness.