Sunday, December 2, 2007

Fatwa #7: On Sudan

Fatwa #7:

You are hereby forbidden to visit the nation of Sudan, unless you're planning to briefly stop by and urinate on one of their governmental or religious institutions.

A British teacher in Sudan was found guilty of offending that "prophet" named Muhammad by having her students name a teddy bear after him. It's our guess that the truth is too harsh for these clerics since a person is better off running to a teddy bear for protection against an all out Legion of Doom assault then they are counting on some crazy man who thinks he found Truth in a cave.

Well friends, we know that there is only one cave that contains the Truth and it is called the Batcave and Muhammad ain't never been there, I assure you. Otherwise, he might have joined the Justice League of America instead of leading a band of shepherds to raid the capital of Saudi Arabia, only to start making women cover every part of their body in some sort of self-imposed shame.

This teacher was tried and sentenced. According to BBC News:

Gillian Gibbons, 54, from Liverpool, has been sentenced to 15 days in prison and will then be deported.

She escaped conviction for inciting hatred and showing contempt for religious beliefs, and will now appeal.

Fortunately for Ms. Gibbons, she escaped the forty lashes she was originally facing. The penalties for this were so harsh you'd almost think she was guilty of leading a genocide brigade against the nation's Darfur region- clearly a crime much much lighter than naming some fucking teddy bear after a man who couldn't even shoot laser beams out of his eyeballs.

We find this kind of blasphemy and heresy downright offensive. The DC Comictician encourages all children to play with toys named after Batman, the redoubtable Elongated Man, and all of our other protectors from the JLA and Justice Society. This is just one of many ways that kids can prepare for the coming day of the Legion of Doom. It makes perfect sense.

Plus, our Superheroes are real Superheroes and they do not concern themselves with all these whimsical little details like other religions do- possibly because they know that their prophets, gods, imams, and apostles would crumble like paper towels at the mere glance of someone like Brainiac.

It has been said. All Praise Be to Plastic Man. And we thank the JLA for their ongoing transmissions to the faithful through the Elders.

And a Hat Tip to JDB from Infinity Ranch for alerting the Elders to this outrage.



JDB said...

Must be working - the President of Sudan pardoned her today and sent her back to the UK. Another victory for the JLA!

Buzzardbilly said...

Though I fear I may be blaspheming, but I feel the Wonder Twins would be pleased.

Anne Johnson said...

This is one time I agree with you, o Winged Worshipping Wonder. Your gods don't care if kids play with toys bearing their likenesses. So, your religion is more tolerant. We need more of that.

Not that you'll ever see me bow to Batman or anything.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

JDB- All victories belong to the JLA. To them we give our thanks and praise.

Buzzard Billy- Blasphemy only comes from Marvel Comics. Steer clear of the Incredible Hulk and you will be saved from the Legion of Doom.

Anne- I will pray to Batgirl for your soul tonight in hopes that you may see the light and join us one day in the Hall of Justice.

Rosie said...

This was a complete mystery to me. I mean, they name babies "Mohammad", right?

Would you find it offensive if a teddy bear were named "Batman" or "Superman"? How about a Smurf doll? Or one of those little furry headed troll dolls? Is there a place you would draw a line in the sand?