Tuesday, December 4, 2007

'Tis the Season

It's that time of the year again.

You can feel it in the air. The leaves are gone from the trees, snow is falling from the sky, fireplaces are burning, and families gather round to share the warmth of the season. This December the 25th, the world will celebrate the day when Dick Grayson took his rightful place at Batman's side as his Partner.

But you'd never know it in this country full of infidels and nihilists. No rows upon rows of Batman and Robin toys. No cashiers wishing us all a Merry Robin Day. No songs praising the Bat in our department stores. TV stations are too busy showing Stargate Atlantis to give the Boy Wonder praise by running Batman reruns all day and on every channel. All those of us who are holy and understand the Truth get is a half an hour on Saturdays to know all the wondrous ways of the Dynamic Duo.

If all this isn't bad enough, Payless Shoes is advertising these slippers which ought to keep people's feet nice and warm while their basking in the glow of the fires inside the walls of Arkham Asylum. I mean how can anyone believe that some kid who got bit by spider is going to save humanity from the evil that is about to befall us. If DC Comics has tried to teach us anything, it's that the only way you can scale tall buildings is with a batrope and a batgrappler.

But this is what we here at the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets have come to expect from a media and a society that practically runs Iron Man's fan club.

If we continue to turn our backs on the morals of Batman and Robin, we will continue to decay like so many immoral empires before us. It's high time we take this country back for those of us who understand that it was founded upon DC Comic principles by DC Comic Book believers. Just touch a copy of the Batman Chronicles and you too will know divinity.



The Film Geek said...

Excellent commentary, Elvis. I wish more people would open their eyes and recognize the culture war that is going on!

Merry Robin Day, my friend.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

And a Merry Robin Day to you, Film Geek.