Friday, December 14, 2007

Living a Life Worthy of the Batman

Today, I hit the streets with a copy of the Batman Chronicles in my hand. I was shouting toward the passers-by trying to share the good word of the Bat only to get funny looks and expressions of intense anger. People thought I was crazy, but we all understand that those of us who follow the rules- laid out for us by the Justice League of America- are bound to endure some scorn in this Marvel-ridden land that does everything but outright sacrifice lambs at the Legion of Doom's alter.

Well, friends, I'm going to ask you the same question that I asked those gawking Incredible Hulk fans on the streets today:

If you were to die tonight where do you think you would be tomorrow? Would you join Batman, Batgirl, and Robin in the Hall of Justice? Or would you be getting sprayed in the face with one of the Joker's deadly and poisonous flower lapels behind the walls of Arkham Asylum? If Batman came crashing through the roof of your house tonight, would He protect you from Mr. Freeze? Or would He drag you off by your hair into the night to face your worst fears?

Folks, we have a choice. We have a choice between following the righteous ways of the JLA and the JSA or following those who seek to steal jewelry and precious museum artifacts and essentially destroy our way of life. People who choose not to believe in the Catwoman will fall prey to her claws. It's simple logic, people.

Will the Penguin have to shove one of his umbrellas up your ass before you can realize the dangers that exist right here in our world? Will Two-Face have to decide your fate by flipping a coin over your broken body before you understand that Daredevil and the X-Men aren't coming? I hope not.

Give up your sinister ways and become worthy of the Holy Trinity (Batman, Robin, and Batgirl) before it is too late.



Rosie said...

Isn't it a bit past the time you should be dressing up in your Robin outfit and blocking the entrance to the Walmart with your big bell...or siren...or whatever Robin carries around with him?

Buzzardbilly said...

In all seriousness, folks, you cannot imagine the sublime holy joy that dances in your soul each and every time you stick a dollar in a bell-ringer bucket and say, "I submit this dollar to your cause in the name of Batman and all he stands for."

Bonus: They never ask you again on the way back out.

Rebecca Burch said...


primalscreamx said...

I've always strongly identified with The Joker. I don't know. Maybe it's because of The Killing Joke, but there's just something righteous in being so wrong.

Ps. the new dark knight trailer rocks.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Thanks, Primal. Of course the Joker has his charm- that's what makes him and all other supervillians so dangerous. We are all born with the Original Sinister and therefore are susceptible to following those who would have us rob jewelry stores for them.

We must resist those urges and follow the plan that Batgirl has laid out for us.

(And this church is psyched to see the new Batman movie. We're very grateful that the blasphemer, Joel Schumacher is no longer producing movies in the Bat's Holy Name.)