Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Once Again, Why Do People Worry?

How much exposure should those of us who have discovered the Truth have to endure from these nihilists of the environmentalist movement? They worry about global warming and greenhouse emissions when the Star Trek scriptures clearly teach us that the Vulcans are going to arrive in 2063 and set things straight. Now they're wasting their time worrying about certain kinds of animals going extinct.

From MSNBC:

"Taiwanese and mainland Chinese conservationists are joining hands to save an endangered sea bird from extinction by urging fishermen to stop collecting and eating the birds' eggs.

"The Chinese crested tern — white with a black-and-white crest — migrates to eastern Chinese coasts between May and September, Taiwanese conservationists say. It's thought the birds fly there to escape the heat in South Asia, although they have not been seen outside of China or Taiwan."

I'm sure these birds are nice and all, but how is any of this going to protect us from early Borg or Dominion invasion? Believe me, once the Gem'Hadar break through our defensive grid, the Chinese crested tern won't be the only ones going extinct. And besides, the Star Trek scriptures teach us that time travel will become possible so we can just go back and retrieve all these animals just as soon as we have defeated all our enemies.

Just like Captain James T. Kirk and his first officer Mr. Spock will bring back the humpback whale (Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home), so can we bring back the spotted owl, timberwolves, and the Dodo bird. It's right there in the shows- how much clearer do the prophesies need to be? Apparently, faith just isn't good enough for some people these days.

So please, people, stop worrying. Write down all the animals and plants you want to retrieve from the past; we'll go back and get them just as soon as possible. Right now, we need to be investing our time and energy building a shield around our planet and getting ready to protect ourselves against the hostile aliens foretold in the scriptures. Without humans, there will be no Federation and life without the Federation is a fate worse than death. We need to protect ourselves now and worry about the birds later.

If we can just place our faith in Starfleet Command and start believing in Jean Luc Picard, all of our problems and fears will evaporate just as quickly as the ice is melting in Antarctica.


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9 comments:

cube said...

Trek is the answer to everything.

MountainLaurel said...

I want a dodo so I can see it run in a caucus race like in Alice in Wonderland.

Oh, wait, I did see the Republican debates. Same thing.

Scratch that dodo, then.

The Film Geek said...

Once again, you are the voice of reason, Elvis. You're right, of course. Things will all work out...it's already been foretold.

Flash said...

Forgive my ignorance if you've already mentioned this, but do Trekkies get raptured?

Elvis Drinkmo said...

That's a good question, Flash.

No, we don't get raptured. We get beamed aboard. But only if we follow the plan laid out for us by the Holy Starfleet Captains.

If we practice Federation morals and obey its charter, we will live long and prosper and one day serve with Captain Picard. The other alternative is an eternal life of torment as a drone in the Borg collective.

primalscreamx said...

What if we're already a drone in the collective? I'm not saying for sure that I am, but resistance feels pretty futile some days.

Muze Euterpe said...

It all changes in the 21st Century. So saith Torchwood.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Indeed. You know I was thinking the Vulcans will arrive after WWIII so perhaps if we start that war a little sooner the Vulcans will speed up their arrival.

Of course, 3/4 of the population will be destroyed as well as the planet's entire infrastructure. But that's a small price to pay for intergalactic peace. Wouldn't you say?

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Primalscreamx,

I know some days it feels like we're living in a Borg cube. It mostly is because we've turned our back on Federation values and given in to a life more suitable for the Ferangi.

But believe me, this is not the collective. In the hive, there is screaming, suffering, and people gnashing their teeth- everyday. It would be much better for everyone to devote their lives to Starfleet rules and values than it would to adopt a secular, "anything goes" attitude.

We have a choice to make: live right and become one with Starfleet or live wrong and become eternally linked the Borg high mind.