Sunday, October 14, 2007

Bring On World War III

A revelation had been bestowed upon our Elders. We now believe that we should strive to get our people elected to the U.S. government where we can launch a destructive and devastating third world war.

We know what you are thinking: what kind of crazy ass religious fruit cakes would want to bring about a nuclear war which could possibly bring about the end of the world? Well, the answer is just plain common sense.

Star Trek teaches us that the Vulcans will arrive at military base in Montana in 2063. They will come after we discover warp drive which will happen after World War III. So if we start the war early, we'll invent the warp drive early which will bring the coming of the Vulcans early.

This is a simple math equation, folks. And speaking of equations, the scriptures tell us that only 3/4 of the human population will be destroyed. Those are damn good odds compared to other religions' numbers. Our problems will all be solved for us by a higher power at the low cost of only 75% of the earth's population. The answers are right there in the show and those who choose to open their eyes and discover the Truth will see our logic. Those who choose not to step into the light will find their home in a dark Borg cube. As our beloved Captain Jean Luc Picard reminds us, being assimilated by the Borg is a fate worse than death. Hear the word.

So let's get to work figuring out ways we can get elected to office. The sooner we can bring the Vulcans to Earth, the sooner we can launch the United Federation of Planets, and the sooner we can start preparing to defend ourselves against a Dominion invasion.

All Praise Be To Captain Kathryn Janeway for this new revelation which will put us back on the path to righteousness.



JDB said...

Didn't the scriptures (Book of Kahn) also tell us of a Eugenics War(s) that would happen in the 1990s? What's up with that prophecy?

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Sometimes asking too many questions will lead one astray, JDB.

Yes, the Eugenics War was supposed to have taken place in the 1990's. But we must have faith that there is a reason for this discrepancy. Since we know everything from Star Trek is true- this must be true and false all at the same time, but for some reason it is beyond the comprehension of those who have yet to be accepted into Starfleet. The answer is there; we must pray until we find it.

We must remember: believe first and ask questions second. Like all religions, we strive to always put faith before fact.

JDB said...

As you wish, Rev. Elvis.

Rosie said...

Perhaps they did happen and we were all brainwashed. The 90's are sort of blurry to me.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Me too, Rosie. There is the distinct possibly that Gorilla Grodd was targeting us with a mind beam throughout the 90's to help steer us away from what we know to be the Truth.

(That might also explain how George W. Bush got so many votes in 2000.)