Tuesday, March 11, 2008

A New Caste System

The First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation Planets believes that we need a little more order in our society. Without order there can be be no justice, without justice there can be no Justice League and without the Justice League, there can be no peace.

Now, the one thing we can all agree upon is that the Elders and the High Priest of this church are closer to the Justice League and Justice Society than you. We speak to Aquaman and Zatanna everyday. We're going to the Hall of Justice when we die; it's the rest of you who need to be concerned. If we designate a place for you in society, it will make it easier for you to follow the path laid out by our Heroes in the Watchtower.

Since the Elders and the High Priest are holy and our morals are beyond reproach, we have decided to create a caste system based on who is important and who isn't. Even though, the Justice League loves everyone equally, we feel we need to separate those who should actually be walking with Batman from those who should be waxing the Batmobile. If you fulfill your roles in this life based upon you place in this religious caste, you can get off the Joker's spinning wheel of horror and join the the JLA in the Hall of Justice.

The highest class will be those who preach the word of Batgirl and the Flash. It will consist of leaders, politicians, scholars, and CEOs. These people are the ones whose hearts are filled with the Elongated Man and wallets are filled with hundred dollar bills. These are the people that don't need to do any real work and can therefore devote their time and energy to studying the DC scriptures and interpreting the Truth that Superman has tried to teach us. They will hereby be known as The Martian Manhunter's Bramans or MM&B's.

The next class on the ladder will be those who fight to keep the word of Plastic Man holy. These are the people who battle the Legion of Doom daily with superior fighting skills. The would fight along side Commissioner Gordon if they could and they deserve to someday wield green power rings. This warrior class of citizens will be known as the Green Lantern Corps' Second Infantry.

Next, are the people who are condemned to manual labor. They will accept their place in doing the jobs that the first two classes of people don't feel like doing for little pay and eternal gratitude. This worker class will be known as Alfred's Secondaries.

Last is the group of people who must plead, beg, and live in the streets to survive. They should be avoided at all costs and thrown crumbs when deemed necessary. These will be called the Unleagueable.

We're trying to figure out a way for people to move from class to class. Since we know reincarnation is heresy more suited to the godless heathens who watch Anime than to the serious DC Comictician, any transition will have to take place in this lifetime. Perhaps we can offer comfort to the Unleagueable by noting that their counterparts in Bizzaro World are most likely MM&Bs.

It hath been commanded. Accept these roles we've so graciously assigned to you and don't question our wisdom; lest we come up with a new caste system for you based upon the nine floors of torment within the walls of Arkham Asylum.


1 comment:

Malach the Merciless said...

What about Demi God, like Malach?