Thursday, June 19, 2008

Justice (League) Denied, Time for Plan B

We bring you some bad news today, folks. After being inspired by the movie Jesus Camp. We went out into the mid-west in search of a town or county where we could conduct a church camp for the Justice League of America. We found a place in Kansas that we thought would be suitable and even drew up some plans to request federal funding since the government seems to have eased up on their stand toward funding religious causes.

Well, we took our idea to the county commission and we couldn't believe their total reluctance to give us a plot of land so that we could teach young children the ways of the Bat. They stated that they didn't believe in green power rings, which is fine, by why deny the children the chance to learn about the Truth that has been taught to us by the Guardians of OA. Apparently, these commissioners don't support the troops from the Green Lantern Corps and we hope this is made public before the next election.

They raised objections to our planned use of baterangs and expressed serious concerns about our plans to teach these kids how to jump from twelve story buildings. We assured them that no child would be harmed, provided that they had enough faith in the Justice League, but our pleas fell on deaf ears. Apparently, there more concerned about inflicting a little pain than they are about these young souls being sent to Arkham for not being given a chance to learn the Word of Batgirl.

So now we're reevaluating our plans and have decided that a Starfleet camp might be more suitable for those who aren't prepared for the Martian Manhunter's wisdom.

At Starfleet Camp, kids can learn about how life really began on earth as well as on Vulcan, Andor, Tellar, and Q'onos. The can learn of Vulcan logic, how to mind meld, and how to employ the Vulcan deathgrip. There they can learn about the four quadrants of the galaxy and the various life forms that live in them. They can learn to speak Klingon and fight with bat'leths- casualties would be kept to a minimal.

Hopefully, when we present this new idea to the commission, they won't have us escorted out by police officers and armed guards. But if this plan fails, we will have no choice but to gather our followers and move to some remote place in South Carolina where we can establish a community based upon Federation values and Starfleet mores. We will have no choice but to separate ourselves from the people who refuse to acknowledge that James T. Kirk was Captain of the Eneterprise and Mr. Spock was His first officer.

We hope it doesn't come this, but the Vulcans are going to land Montana in less than fifty years and if we don't prepare ourselves we will never be delivered.


Malach the Merciless said...

They don't understand . . . when Darkseid arrives it will be too late for them

Goat Yoda said...

I forgot to tell you that I got a neat Green Lantern Secret Decoder Ring at Adventure Con!


Captain Janeway, Kate Mulgrew is scheduled to be at this year's Dragon Con in Atlanta on Labor Day weekend! See and for more info!

Jack Dorf said...

You are always welcome in Australia.

We let Aum Shinrikyo set up a training camp in the outback, why not you guys too?

Ananke (Goddess With An Identity Crisis) said...

I'm thinking of hanging a bat'leth on a wall in my office. We'll see how religiously tolerant my company is now! ;-)

Anne Johnson said...

I'll pass on leaving with the Vulcans.