Tuesday, May 13, 2008

West Virginia Chooses

Oh my, what a big day this has been.

All of the votes are in and West Virginia has nominated Captain Kathryn Janeway to lead us into battle against all our enemies. Captain Janeway of the Starship Voyager crushed all opposition with a 23 point lead over Captain Benjamin Sisko of Deep Space Nine.

We're really impressed with the turnout. 13 people voted- which is more than double the number we originally projected. People are starting to get actively involved with the daily affairs of Starfleet Command and this is yet another terrific sign that democracy and the principles of the United Federation of Planets are still holding strong in our state.

Analysts have speculated that Captain Janeway's "do or die" attitude as well as her bold and blunt style of command appeals to most West Virginians and that she alleviates many of the fears our people have on the upcoming Borg invasion.

The experts also believe that Captain Sisko's relative inexperience hurt him today because, as they are quick to point out, Sisko was a only a commander in the first three seasons of Deep Space Nine. The professional pundits also believe that Captain Janeway has an appeal with working class citizens. While Captain Sisko rarely ate meals outside of his quarters, Captain Janeway could often be found in the mess hall sharing replicated beverages with her crew. Truly, Kathryn Janeway is a Captain for the masses.

And it should be noted that no Starfleet officer has successfully waged a battle against any of our intergalactic foes with out West Virginia's support. That's how Bones got his commission as chief medical officer aboard the Enterprise. Actually, Dr. McCoy was from Georgia, but, well, it's close enough. Hell, the brass in San Fransisco don't know the difference.

Nevertheless, the exciting turn out today can be directly attributed to the exciting campaigns waged by both these excellent Starfleet Captains. They have both, once again, risen to challenge and gave the people a voice in a galaxy full of immorality and hostile aliens.

So we congratulate Captain Kathryn Janeway for her rise to victory and on becoming the official Starfleet Captain of West Virginia who will one day lead us across the galaxy. Now, if there is someway we could talk her into taking Governor Joe Manchin on her next warp flight to the Delta Quadrant...........



Donutbuzz said...

Well, done Captain Janeway.

If it weren't for the electronic ballot, I would have written her in for governor.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

You can do that, Hoyt, even on the electronic ballot. I'm not sure how, but it's not too late.

Mild Red (The Person Formerly Known As Ananke) said...

I still say Decker is our man even though he's, you know, DEAD. Wouldn't be the first time we've had a corpse in the White House. ;-)

Nathan said...

Dear God, you all cant see it.. Manchin is the first wave of the Borg invasion. A little known fact is that that his assimilation started a few years ago during a knee replacement surgery in Huntington, which also supports my theroy that Marshall University is actually the staging point for the next invasion.. Save us Janeway, save us all!

Chris James said...

Everyone who voted for Janeway over Sisco is obviously an uneducated racist bigot who shouldn't be allowed to vote anyway...

Oh, wait, that was meant for The Huffington Post, not here. ;)

primalscreamx said...

"At Sisco's Deep Space 9 headquarters, advisers said there was no reason to worry — West Virginia was demographically suited to Janeway and won't be part of their general election plans."

-Per Yahoo/Star Fleet politics

Elvis Drinkmo said...

That's right, Nathan, the Borg nanoprobes start in the knee after surgery and then spread through the whole body. That's why we're praying to Janeway that She takes Manchin home to the Delta Quadrant so he can rejoin the collective.

Mild Red,

Commodore Decker's body might be dead, but like all Starfleet officers He, Himself, is immortal. Even though He lost this round, I'm certain His spirit is behind Captain Janeway 100%.


We're not sure if race had anything to with this outcome. Now if there had been a blue-skinned Andorian or a pointy-eared Vulcan on the ballot, there might have been a problem.

We missed that newsflash, Bill, but we're certain that Deep Space Nine was prepared for Voyager's stunning victory in our home state and that they're not too worried about. They probably figured that the proportion of our illiterate shape-shifters outweighed the potential for officers aboard the Defiant.

Malach the Merciless said...

Ugh, time to kill myself, can I write Kara Thrace?

Juanuchis said...

Both the hub and I voted for The Sisko.

This was hub's first time to vote in a US election since becoming a naturalized US citizen.

He took it in stride. However, I was so proud that I nearly jettisoned my warp core.

Jennifer said...

YAY! Janeway for Pres!