Friday, May 9, 2008

The Color Yellow Pt. 4

Just the other day, my grandkids and I were coloring. Granted it was a Spiderman coloring book complete with pictures of Venom and all. But that's the price a High Priest of DC Comics pays when he strives to become more open-minded and more tolerant of strange ideas and beliefs.

But something else was wrong. I noticed my grandson was coloring away and the crayon he was using was the color yellow.

I was alarmed. Yellow. The only color from the spectrum that can defeat the Green Lantern.

How could Crayola be so careless as to expose young people to the very color of Sinestro's evil power ring? The same he uses against to strike terror in the hearts of beings from all over the galaxy.

So I found their phone number and demanded to know why they were supporting the Legion of Doom. I asked them why they refused to support the troops from the Green Lantern Corps by removing this wickedness from their crayon boxes. The woman I spoke with hung up the phone without answering any of my questions.

So this is what we've become here in America. A nation that not only allows the color yellow to exist, but promotes it on stop lights and state road workers' rain jackets. And people wonder why our economy is slumping and why we're prone to so many natural disasters. We've turned our backs on the Green Lantern and the Guardians of Oa and now we're paying the price.

So your fourth task toward keeping your home Legion of Doom-free and protecting your children from everything that is evil is to throw away anything you have that contains the color yellow. Get rid of any shirt, hats, piece of furniture with any yellow on it. Paints, crayons, pencils- they've got to go. Any paintings with yellow- throw them out. Bananas, get rid of them. And don't you ever, ever again buy an apple from the store that's yellow.

The next thing you need to do is paint all of your window seals green. This will ensure that Sinestro will not enter your home and steal your children while they're sleeping at night.

The Green Lantern Corps is out there in the galaxy keeping you free and protecting your way of life. The least you can do is show them a little support by ridding your lives and your house of the color yellow for good.



Malach the Merciless said...

Ut Oh, catch 22 here. What about Superman and his yellow sun?

Hoyt said...

This won't be a problem with my wardrobe. And I guess I'll have to eliminate mustard from my diet if it means keeping us safe.

Um. . . I'm assuming there's no exception for French's Mustard in the fridge, right?

Elvis Drinkmo said...

No French's mustard, Hoyt. Every time you pull that out of the refrigerator and put it on your hot dog- you're sending out signals to Sinestro that you want him to come into your life and help him destroy the Green Lantern.


You're asking too many questions. It might seem like we contradict ourselves sometimes, but really we do not. Just believe in Batgirl and embrace the teachings of the JLA and all your doubts will be erased.