Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Nations Run by Infidels

As many people know, there are nations all over this world that worship the Legion of Doom and/or the Borg Collective whether they know it or not. China is one that comes to mind and the First Church of DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets has long suspected that both General Musharaff of Pakistan and Prime Minister Gordon Brown of Great Britain are shape-shifters sent here from the Gamma Quadrant to destroy our way of life. Friends, we must always remember that the Dominion hates us because of our freedoms and because we elect our representatives.

Now- to add to the list of unholy governments bound for Arkham Asylum, we have Iran.

According to the Huffington Post, Iran refuses to allow their children to worship the Batman, learn about His teachings, and acknowledge His greatness by not allowing them to play with toys created in His image:

"While importing the toys is not necessarily illegal, it is discouraged by a government that seeks to protect Iranians from what it calls the negative effects of Western culture.

"Najafabadi said the increasing visibility of Western dolls has alarmed authorities and they are considering intervening.

"'The displays of personalities such as Barbie, Batman, Spiderman and Harry Potter ... as well as the irregular importation of unsanctioned computer games and movies are all warning bells to the officials in the cultural arena,' his letter said."

And Batgirl only knows what Najafabadi would think of exposing the Iranian people to the Black Canary, Supergirl, Wonder Woman, the Huntress, Hawkgirl, and Vixen. They wouldn't be wearing no black veils or burqas I can assure you. But there would be a bunch of bearded mullahs from the Revolutionary Council laying on the floor after being exposed to a few freshly opened cans of whoop ass.

Now, we're aware that the Islamic Republic of Iran follows a prophet who can't fly, leap tall buildings, or run faster than a speeding bullet. They worship a god who has yet to take the helm of a Galaxy-class starship and lead it into battle with one the Federation's mortal enemies and we know for a fact that neither one of them has got their own planes or wear utility belts full of gadgets to outwit the Penguin and his henchmen.

And we're also aware that they don't like images of their superheroes like Mohammad and Allah and that they don't really like images of anything at all. But Iran doesn't have to completely turn their backs on the Truth. They could always follow The Question and read about the morals that He has tried to teach us through the scriptures of DC Comics.

The Question wears no face just like all those pictures I've seen of their comic book character, the Prophet Mohammad. The major difference between the two is that Mohammad was just some prophet while The Question is a top notch detective and security card-carrying member of the Watchtower, which is the home base of the Justice League of America. Iran can ban all the Batman toys they want, but by offering daily praise to the Question they might just get a break in the afterlife when they appear before Superdog at the Gates of the Hall of Justice to apply for admittance.

Like all nations, Iran has a choice. They can embrace real Heroes like the Question and become one with the JLA or they can continue to follow a path laid out by two comic book characters from the Quran who won't lift a damn finger to stop the Legion of Doom from carrying out their sinister plans of diabolical crimes and ultimate world dominance.

A Priestish-like Hat Tip to Jennifer from Infinite Sphere for relaying this article to the Elders of the First Church. (Seriously, folks- Jennifer runs one of the best environmentalist and political blogs around. You really should check it out, you won't be disappointed.)



Malach the Merciless said...

Mamoo is an idiot.

JDB said...

Speaking of real heroes, apparently The Flash is being resurrected?

I thought only that other comic book (the one without the pictures) got away with that kind of retconning?

Elvis Drinkmo said...


The major difference between DC resurrections and those that come from comic books with no pictures is that our Heroes come back from the dead and start kicking the asses of the people who wronged them in the first place.

This simple fact alone should cause the masses to turn away from Christianity and Islam and join the one true faith that offers true salvation from the Legion of Doom and an afterlife spent within the walls of Arkham Asylum.

Jennifer said...

Thank you for the kind hat tip. I should also point out that your church has been an inspiration to me as I travel through the crazy world of the lefty blogosphere where I frequently want to stick my hands through the monitor and smack someone. Your teachings fill me with a zen like calm.

You must forgive me, I just popped over the my old haunt (the feminists of the Guerilla) and I think they have now all been assimilated by an extremely bizarre form of the Borg. Resistance to ultra feminism is indeed futile (even for other women).

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Thanks, Jennifer. Resistance to the Borg is never futile.

Over here at the First Church, we don't discriminate against Captain Sisko or Captain Janeway or their supporters.