Friday, April 18, 2008

The Truth is Out

5The First Church of DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets has been asked to confirm a rumor.

So we say it to be true: Barack Obama will not swear himself into office on a copy of the Batman Chronicles. Neither will Hillary Clinton or John McCain.

So what does this mean?

It means that all three candidates are likely to be sleepers. That's right, sleepers.

So what does this mean?

It means that they are undercover operatives for either the Borg or even more likely, the Legion of Doom. Clearly, this is the most serious threat at the most highest levels. This really should be no surprise considering that none of these candidates pledged their support to the troops from the Green Lantern Corps while they were defending this sector from Sinestro and his minions.

So what will happen in November?

One of these three Legion of Doom operatives will get elected to the office of the presidency. In January, he or she will be presented with a copy of the Batman Chronicles. Once they refuse to put their right hand on it and swear to the Justice League, Lex Luthor will push a button which will cause the newly elected sleeper to awaken and reek havoc upon this country and this planet.

And the inaugural ball will look something like this:

So our only choice at this point is to surrender ourselves to the JLA, swear allegiance as a populace and hope that it's not too late for our Heroes in the Watchtower to stop the Legion of Doom before they get a solid foothold inside the Oval Office where they will launch their sinister plans of chaos and destruction.



AngryMan said...

I'm sitting this election out.

Malach the Merciless said...

I would swear office on "The Watchmen"

Jennifer said...

I think I might prefer Batman to become president. Do you think we can do a write-in?

(love that picture of McCain, is he really a Borg?)

Elvis Drinkmo said...


We're not sure how deep McCain's roots are with the Borg Collective. But we do know that he is on the Legion of Doom's payroll and will most likely do the bidding of Scarecrow and the Riddler if elected to office. That is, of course, after Luthor pushes the big red button and awakens "the sleeper".