Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Captain Jean Luc Picard's Witnesses

The Elders have been investigating these people who keep coming to the door with mini comic books to promote their big comic book. They call themselves Jehovah's Witnesses. For those who haven't been following, Jehovah is the alter ego of the superhero they call God. Are these people naive or are they Legion of Doom sympathizers?

Either way, we'll stick with Bruce Wayne and Barbara Gordon, thanks.

After all, when the end comes, our Heroes will decide who is going to join them in the Hall of Justice and who is going to be eternally locked away in Arkham Asylum. Starfleet will decide who gets to beam aboard the Enterprise and who will be sent in a shuttle craft to the nearest Borg Cube for assimilation. When you worship this Jehovah alone, aka God, without offering daily praises to Starfleet Command and our Holy Starfleet Captains, you are most likely creating a Borg alcove with your name written all over it. Once you become one with the collective, it is too late for redemption unless you are Seven of Nine (and you're not).

So going back this blasphemy that dares to call itself the Watchtower; something which goes against everything that the Martian Manhunter has tried to teach us. We find this:

Faith in these promises is not a matter of credulity. "Faith follows the thing heard." By studying God's Word, its wisdom becomes apparent and faith grows.—Romans 10:17; Hebrews 11:1.

Biblical archaeology confirms much of the Bible's historical accuracy. True science harmonizes with the Bible. The following facts were in the Bible long before they were discovered by secular scholars: the order of stages through which the earth passed in its development, that the earth is round, that it hangs in space on nothing, and that birds migrate.—Genesis, chapter 1; Isaiah 40:22; Job 26:7; Jeremiah 8:7.

The inspiration of the Bible is shown by fulfilled prophecies. Daniel foretold in advance the rise and the fall of world powers, as well as the time when the Messiah would come and be put to death. (Daniel, chapters 2, 8; 9:24-27) Today, still other prophecies are being fulfilled, identifying these as "the last days." (2 Timothy 3:1-5; Matthew, chapter 24) Such foreknowledge is not within man's power. (Isaiah 41:23) For more confirmation, see the books The Bible—God's Word or Man's? and Is There a Creator Who Cares About You?, published by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society.

And here I thought the Bible made constant references to "the four corners of the earth." Last I heard round objects have no corners. This could be one of God's superpowers: creating corners on spheres because there is little in their comic book that convinces me and the Elders that he has any other ones. Aside from that turning people in to salt pillars thing, which could easily be undone by a few words from the almighty Zatanna.

Science from the Bible? You mean like the story of Adam and Eve, two little fawns living in some magical garden who populated the entire planet after Jehovah gave them the big boot for biting into some damn apple.

The Star Trek scriptures, on the other hand, tell us the real story of how life formed on this planet. First, our DNA was placed here by the Preservers and this DNA was programmed to evolve into creatures which would eventually resemble them. (ST Next Generation Season 6: Episode 146) Second, Captain Jean Luc Picard was whisked back into time by Q where we learn that life first formed with the electronic combustion of two single celled organisms swirling around in a pool of mud. (ST Next Generation Season 7: Episode 177-78) The scriptures couldn't be any clearer about this.

Now, we come this prophet named Daniel. He may have predicted the rise and fall of certain empires, but he failed to predict the discovery of the Bajoran wormhole to the Gamma Quadrant (ST DS9 Season 1: Chapter 1) and failed to predict the explosion of the Klingon moon Praxis; an event which would lead to peace between United Federation of Planets and the Klingon Empire after nearly a hundred years of unending hostility. (ST 6: Undiscovered County)

I mean what's more important, the Babylonians conquering a few tribes or the Dominion coming through a wormhole and damn near conquering the entire Alpha Quadrant. Priorities, people.

So here is our invitation. Come and kneel before the real Watchtower. Join us as Picard's Witnesses and embrace the Truth that can only come from DC Comics and all five of the Holy Star Trek spinoffs.

We are all offered a choice. Become one with the JLA and Starfleet or become one with the Borg and fall prey to the Legion of Doom's sinister plans. Choose wisely.



Rosie said...

Happy Birthday,your holiness!

I got you an add on B$ for your birthday.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Thank you, Rosie.

The Justice League and Starfleet have blessed me with 37 good years.

The Film Geek said...

Hope your birthday rocked!

The Film Geek said...

Seems Luthor is at it again. Every email I send you the last few days is returned to me, saying I'm blocked.

Unless I amblocked!

Elvis Drinkmo said...

FG- I'll get with you. I have never blocked anyone at any of my email accounts.

I sincerely apologize to anyone who has tried to email me and it bounced. I know what a pain in the ass that is.

Why is it that Yahoo, Hotmail, Gmail, My Way, etc. deem it necessary to block my friends, but have no problem whatsoever letting goddamn "penis enlargement" and illegal pharmacy spam mail through?

I need to submit this to Ananke at Confused and Amused for an FOAD suggestion.