Monday, March 2, 2009

Dealing With Legion of Doom Sympathizers

On Sunday, we had a wonderful service. People were alive with the Word of Batgirl and they went home carrying the good news of Captain Benjamin Sisko and His lessons from Deep Space Nine on their lips.

While the members we're filing out an elderly lady stopped me and asked, "Great Reverend of the Highest Truth and Wisdom, I suspect that my next door neighbors have been conspiring with the Legion of Doom to destroy our moral fabric and put an end to our way of life. I'm not sure what tipped me off exactly. They bought one of their children a stuffed animal for Christmas that looks like Gorilla Grodd, they have ivy growing all over one side of their house and they go to the beach every summer which makes me think they have been having secret meetings with the Black Manta and his evil hoard. Is there anything I can do?"

So I told her:

"The Batman teaches us to be relentless in our fight against crime. If you suspect that your neighbors are Legion of Doom sympathizors then there is a pretty good chance that they are. Unfortunately, the law prevents us from having monthly at-the-stake burnings, which is just one of the many signs that we are still the most oppressed faith in the world.

"The only thing you can do for now is keep a daily journal of everything they do from sunrise to sunset and even after- remember that Sinestro and the Cheetah have commit some of their greatest crimes at night. Take photos and be sure to note anything odd; such as allowing their children to wear Spiderman or Incredible Hulk costumes at Halloween. Listen closely to the gossip of other children to find out if these kids' parents let them watch Anime after school. Start some kind of idle conversation with the parents and see if you can get them to admit they watch Stargate Atlantis in place of one of the Five Pilars of Star Trek. Be sure to write this all down.

"Hopefully, we can start getting our people elected to office who will make these things retroactive crimes with lifetime prison sentences, but until then- we've got that damn U.S. Constitution standing in our way. But I would urge you remain strong and vigilante. You and I know that Legion of Doom sympathizors are everywhere but until the government starts listening to us and letting us start wiretapping everyone's homes, not a single one of us will be safe from their diabolical influences."

Together, we said three Hail Starfleet Commands and asked Captain Kirk for forgiveness. We went on about our way to go door to door; bringing the Justice League to the masses.

May Hawkgirl continue to bless this sweet little old lady. It's people like her that will get us all back on the path to righteousness.

(PS- I hope the picture in the left-hand corner answers your question, JDB.)


Malach the Merciless said...

How about The Doom Patrol?

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