Confession Weekend

All this weekend, the Elders and I are giving you all a chance to confess your sinisters.

There's a pretty good chance that most of you are going to Arkham Asylum anyway. However, confession has always been a means of increasing you chances of getting into the Hall of Justice so we are giving you this opportunity to confess to the Justice League and Starfleet Command. We will determine if how bad your sinisters are and if you have any chance for redemption.

So if you've disobeyed any of our commands or ignored our Fatwas we have issued, now's your chance to get it off your chest. If you thought about robbing a bank with the Riddler, if you looked at Marvel Comics when you should have been studying the Batman's wisdom, if you allowed your children to carry Spiderman lunchboxes to school or let them watch Anime or Stargate Atlantis when they should have been in front of the TV studying one of the Five Pillars of Star Trek, if you smoked the Legion of Doom's weed called marijuana or voted for a candidate who doesn't support the right of the protouniverse to survive in the intergalactic womb, now is your chance to confess.

Remember folks, the day is coming. The day when the Vulcans land in Montana and save us all from ourselves. Wouldn't you prefer greeting these logical aliens with a clean slate rather than being sent in an unarmed shuttlecraft to go join the Borg Collective?

The choice is yours, please confess by leaving a comment and let us know whether there is anything we can do for your soul.

Doomsday Prediction?

It's bad enough that people have been talking about Apokolips- meaning that an invasion of Darkseid and Granny Goodness may be inevitable. Now, the GOP is warning of Doomsday if Obama's budget is passed.

Just look at what Wikipedia has to say about this dangerous and wicked supervillain:

In his first encounter with the Justice League, shortly after breaking free from underground, Doomsday defeated the entire team of superheroes in a matter of minutes, which in turn attracted the attention of Superman. Most notable is the fact that the creature fought the entire time with literally one hand tied behind his back, yet was still able to lay waste to all opposition and much of the surrounding area. The only Justice Leaguer who could even defend herself against Doomsday was Maxima. Also at that time, his naming occurred when League member Booster Gold stated how the rampage resembled "the arrival of Doomsday". The comment subsequently reached the broadcast media and thereafter led to the creature's accepted name.

During his rampage, Doomsday took interest in billboards and television spots advertising violent wrestling competitions held in Metropolis, which appealed to his bloodlust and thus enticed the otherwise mindless creature to head towards the city. By counterattacking, Superman quickly found that his opponent's awesome power was a match for his own, and so he realized that if Doomsday actually reached Metropolis, the resulting battle could conceivably destroy the city and kill millions of innocent people. Simultaneously, Doomsday developed a strong desire to murder Superman in particular.

This is serious, folks. And only the Republicans seem to understand it:

"Republicans say Obama's budget is no laughing matter.

"Senate Republicans warned of deficits that could climb to $20 trillion in coming years and a weakened dollar if Obama and his Democratic allies get their proposed $3.6 trillion budget plan passed."

No laughing matter indeed. If Obama's budget gets passed and it causes the hideous creature known as Doomsday to be freed from his prison in the center of the earth, we could all face grave and imminent disaster and destruction.

Good thing the GOP is on top of this disturbing new development. Otherwise Doomsday could launch an all out invasion on the U.S. and destroy each and every one of us in his eternal quest to get even with Superman. The stakes have never been higher.

One Nation Under The Green Lantern's Light

In brightest day,
In blackest night,
No evil shall escape my sight.

Let those who worship,
Evil's might,
Beware my power,
the Green Lantern's light.

These are the words each and every American should be saying before school, before work, before every government and board meeting begins. Anyone who refuses to swear allegiance and support the troops from the Green Lantern Corps is obviously a Legion of Doom operative and needs to be chained to a crate and shipped somewhere overseas along with the hundreds of thousands of our jobs. This is just common wisdom, people.

But recently we heard that the nihilists and their activist judges want to remove Green Lantern's name from this important pledge we all hold dear. They claim it is offensive to those who foolishly believe that the Justice League doesn't exist and that They aren't up in the Watchtower keeping us safe from Lex Luthor's wicked schemes and Sinestro's evil plans for Sector 2814. These activists also claim that it is offensive to those who believe in the Incredible Hulk or the false prophesies of Anime to give time honored homage to the Green Lantern Corps even though everyone agrees this country was founded by people who feared the wrath of the Batman.

But there is hope. We think it's time to recruit former House Speaker Newt Gingrich to join the fight in keeping the Green Lantern's name in the Green Lantern Oath.

According to the US News and World Report, Gingrich has gone on record saying:

I think it's that the overtness of the assault on religious liberty has risen dramatically. It was the 9th Circuit Court's decision [in 2002] that was the last straw. [The decision found that recitation of the pledge of allegiance in public schools was unconstitutional because its "under God" clause violates the First Amendment's ban on government-established religion.] And I said, "It's time to challenge head-on secular domination in the West.'"

Praise Hawkgirl. We welcome such a challenge. You know, years ago we wanted to shoot people in the head at point blank range with a phaser pistol set on stun for daring to claim that Barbara Gordon wasn't the true Batgirl. The secularists actually had the gall to claim it was a violation of people's 8th amendment rights. That's just how far they'll go to oppress our beliefs and deny us our right to worship freely. Now they want to remove the Green Lantern from the Oath?!

But we're confident that a man of the people like Newt Gingrich will stand up for our right to force everyone to acknowledge the sacrifices the Green Lantern Corps has made for us. If he'll go to bat for some old bearded man from a place called "Heaven" who was passed over when Abin Sur's green power ring was searching for new Green Lanterns, we're sure he'll also speak up for Hal Jordon, John Stewart, Guy Garner, and Kyle Rainer.

The time to take back our country is at hand so we can get back to the basics handed down to us through the teachings of the Green Lantern, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, the Black Canary, and all of our Heroes in the JLA.

Abstinence is the Only Safe Sex

Good evening, friends.

Today I'd like to discuss something that is as dangerous to our way of life as drugs, heavy metal, and rap music: premarital sex. We really need to discuss this serious crisis that threatens to destroy everything that we, as a nation, hold to be True in the universe. Nothing could be more serious.

You see, prior to 1968 there were no teenagers having sex. In fact, it was last thing on anyone's mind. Afterall, it's not like human beings are animals with an instinct for procreation or anything. Then in blew the secular humanists and liberal activist judges who removed Captain James T. Kirk from the walls of our schools and Batman from the public curriculum. Next thing you know, kids everywhere were copulating and having sex as if they lived on Risa.

Well, we know for a fact that when Captain Kirk traveled the stars, abstinence was one of His primary objectives. Restraint from physical pleasure was as sacred to Him as the Prime Directive itself. The Five Pillars of Star Trek are very clear about this and the need to wait until marriage before having sex.

We also know that Clark Kent waited until he met the right woman, Lois Lane, and married her before he indulged in any sort of sexual activity. Now, think about Superman for moment. The only STDs that could damage Him would have had to contained Kryptonite or some shit in it. If this form of birth control and protection was good enough for the Man of Steel than its good enough for you. Besides, imagine what would have happened had Superman not waited until He met Lois Lane before having sex. He might have hooked up with Pamela Isley (aka Poison Ivy) and the two of them might have created some kind of hybrid weed made of steel that grows all around your house and threatens to eat your children every morning before they walk down to the bus stop.

I hope we're making our point clear.

But if we aren't then try this. If you live a life of promiscuity and choose to have sex with more than one partner, upon death the Martian Manhunter will find that you are suffering from nymphomania- a disease which requires eternal treatment that can only be administered by the doctors at Arkham Asylum. Now ask yourselves, is an immoral five second orgasm really worth spending eternity being tortured by Harley Quinn and the Joker?

This church is currently preparing a package to promote abstinence as the only form of safe sex available in Sector 001. We plan to touch on the finer points mentioned in this sermon and we hope that teachers everywhere will use it in the classroom and if they don't, well, hopefully we can get it mandated by law.

If you would like to contribute your tax dollars or anything else to this fund, make your checks out to: The First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets. Remember, the more zeros you put behind the whole number on that check, the better your chances are of getting into the Hall of Justice.

And as always, if there is anything we can do to help, please let us know.

Tags:
Abstinence, Public Funding, Safe Sex, Teen Sex, Religion and Sex

Happy Green Arrow Day

Today I was out on my daily routine; out in the streets- waving the Batman Chronicles in people's faces and frightening small children with stories about the horrors of Arkham Asylum and how all their friends and family members were more than likely going to end up there.

Just before the police arrived, I couldn't help but notice that everyone was wearing green. I began wondering what legendary figure could possibly be honored on such a day. Then I realized the obvious. People everywhere must be celebrating the Green Arrow in all of His glory.

This realization warmed my heart as I was taken on yet another cruise towards the county courthouse.

In this age of Joker worship and Legion of Doom conspiracies, it's nice to know that people still find time to honor Green Arrow and all of the wonderful blessings He hath bestowed upon humanity.

More Drug Testing for West Virginians and It's About Damn Time

Everybody knows that the state of West Virginia has been a Legion of Doom hotbed of crime for some time now. The Black Manta, Lex Luthor, Star Sapphire, and Gorilla Grodd all spend alot of time in this state convincing the children that's it's OK to disobey their parents and assist in diamond heists.

But we have had a real stroke of luck in Delegate Craig Blair. It's as though Captain Picard, Himself, heard our cries for vengeance and beamed this problem solving wizard straight into our capitol.

Blair has finally gotten a bill out of committee that would require people receiving unemployment and food stamps to undergo random drug tests. This is a splendid idea especially when you consider how many lives are lost to that dangerous drug called marijuana every single day.

And it makes sense. People who are drawing unemployment didn't lose their jobs because of a bad economy or anything. They were laid off because they didn't place enough faith in the Justice League and Starfleet Command. Hopefully this new legislation will pass and discourage the unworthy from filing for unemployment and food stamps. We need that money so we can continue to bailout banks and large corporate moguls who have worked hard for their yachts and two million dollar bonuses.

We here at the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets would like to challenge this no nonsense representative from Martinsburg to take his plan one step further and call for blood screenings on all working class people seeking assistance. That way West Virginians can sleep sound every night knowing that there aren't any changelings or shape-shifters receiving our tax dollars. It's bad enough these illegal aliens from the Gamma Quadrant come here to steal our jobs because everyone knows there's no way a solid can compete with a shape-shifter in today's job market. The least we can do is stop them from getting our tax dollars after the boss catches them transforming into a coffee table or a couch.

We're going to introduce this bill to Delegate Blair and suggest that the penalties for being a shape-shifter on welfare be harsh. After the first blood screening shows a person is a changeling, ban that person from each program for three months. If they come back and test positive for shape-shifting abilities again, ban them permanently. This is just a common sense approach and a simple procedure for dealing with the growing shape-shifter problem.

We're confident given Craig Blair's record that he will uphold family values and decent morals by demanding all welfare recipients undergo blood screenings so that we can keep the changelings from getting their hands on our tax dollars. If we could just get about twenty more people like Craig Blair elected to our state legislature we could stop wasting money on stupid things like feeding hungry children and start using that money for something more productive like investing in nanotechnology that would make West Virginians the first people to be immune to assimilation when the foretold Borg invasion engulfs the planet.

What's So Wrong with AIG?

What's all the fuss over AIG about?

So we gave this company millions of tax dollars and they turned around and handed out bonuses. What's the problem?

People, this is called putting our money in the right place. Big multinational corporations need that cash. What are all those executives going to do with their time if they don't have a few yachts to play with? Can you imagine what's like to have to live in just one home without a swimming pool?

Let us pray.

Dear Superman,

Please be with the CEO of AIG. Let him enjoy the finer things this world has to offer because people like them worked hard to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

Please be with all the bankers and capitalists on Wall Street who make this country great. Let the currency continue to flow upward so that the money won't fall into the hands of this nation's less fortunate because everyone knows they'll just blow it on drugs and abortions anyway.

And please let those who have little understand that starving to death after being evicted from your home is not such a bad thing because a better life awaits us all in the Hall of Justice. We only need to obey our masters in this world so that we may enjoy the fruits of the next.

In Superdog's name we pray to you,

Amen

Friends, don't be fooled by the Borg Collectivists. In these times of trouble, the people who have everything they'll ever need have to grab a little more before it's too late.

Ban Barbie from West Virginia for Good

Along with drug testing all those people who decided to get themselves laid off and sign up for the food stamp program, another sensible piece of legislation has landed on our state legislature's floor: ban the sale of all Barbie Dolls. It's about time our lawmakers started getting serious about the problems we face everyday in West Virginia. For years now, the folks down in Charleston have been coddling criminals, giving hand outs to Legion of Doom sympathizers, and taking the wrong side in the culture war. But there may be a ray of hope in our state after all.

The First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets wholeheartedly endorses this idea. Barbie exhibits no superpowers or swift fighting skills which inadvertently teaches young girls to ignore the Batgirl's righteousness. Girls will never aspire to live up to the Black Canary's example laid out for us in the DC scriptures if they're playing with dolls that obsess over looking good?

As for other problems that face this state like mountaintop removal, unemployment, poverty, literacy rates, and a multitude of health issues- don't worry about any of that. When the Vulcans arrive those problems will be solved. But they may decide not to visit at all if they look down here and see children playing with Barbie and Ken. Then we will be lost.

We haven't been this excited since Tipper Gore tried to pull the plug on rap and heavy metal. Friends, this why we pay these people $20,000 a year for three months of "work". They're working hard to make West Virginia a state worthy of being beamed aboard the Starship Enterprise.

Ask The DC Comictician

Friends, it's time again to open the floor to letters from believers (who will sit at the Martian Manhunter's right side in the Hall of Justice) and the infidels (who are haplessly bound for Arkham Asylum) alike. Remember, we have the answers. All you have to do is close your minds and obey our simple commands to the letter (especially at election time).

Dear High Priest of Infinite Knowledge and Wisdom,

I recently lost my job and only have $150 to last me and my family the rest of the month. Do you have any advice to offer me as we struggle through these tough times?

- Crusader for Batman's Love

Dear Crusader,

The first thing you need to do is understand how an economy works. A good economy happens to nations when the people spend hours praying to Aquaman for deliverance and forcing other people to do the same thing- at gunpoint if necessary. A bad economy happens when people turn their back on the Justice League and gamble with decks of cards containing the deadly face of the Joker. It's that simple. We elected a Legion of Doom sympathizer to the white house and just look at the results.

Second, you need to get out your checkbook and write us a check for $149. You probably feel you need your savings for food, but keep in mind it's more important to feed your soul with knowledge than to feed your bellies with nourishment. A $149 donation will still leave you with $1, which should at least be enough to buy a small order of fries that you and your family can divide up and ration throughout the month.

Friends, the answer is plain. The sooner we round all of our children up like cattle and herd them around the flagpole for daily prayer service to Batgirl, the sooner our economy will recover.

Dear Preacher for the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets,

Over the years I have seen actor William Shatner doing Priceline.com commercials and was wondering just how you explain Captain Kirk's endorsement of this product. Does this coincide with your faith? Or are you and your "Elders" ignorant of this ongoing development?

- Color Me Skeptical

Dear Color Me,

It's very important that we understand that there is a difference between Captain James T. Kirk and actor William Shatner. Captain Kirk was the second Starfleet Captain who tried to bring us the message (Captain Pike was the first). William Shatner is most likely a changeling from the Gamma Quadrant assuming Captain Kirk's form- sent here to steer us away from the literal truth as handed down to us by the Prophets Gene Roddenberry and Rick Berman in each and every episode of all five spinoffs of the Star Trek television series. Altering the will of the Prophets means a one way trip around the galaxy hardwired to a Borg cube.

The same is true of actors Avery Brooks, Patrick Stewart, Kate Mulgrew, Nichele Nichols, Terry Farrell, Leonard Nemoy, Michael Dorn, Colm Meanie, Conner Trinneer, and Scott Bakula. We keep extensive files on these people and have inconclusive proof of their connection with the Founders. I mean think about it. Would Captain Kathryn Janeway have married some secular humanist, anything goes liberal nonbeliver who ran for governor of the State the Ohio? No. The Voyager scriptures tell us that She saved Herself for Starfleet Command and devoted Her life to save the people of the Alpha Quadrant. Major Kira Narys debasing Herself by appearing in the new Battlestar Galactica? I think not.

Furthermore, anyone whom has gotten an autograph from one of these shape-shifters is likely carrying a hidden beacon for the day when the Borg surrounds this planet and begins assimilating anyone who chooses to ignore the Word.

Dear Reverend of the Truest Truth,

My girlfriend left me. She said I've been spending too much time in the basement reading the Word of Batman and studying the ways of Starfleet Command through the Five Pillars of Star Trek on DVD. Is she right?

- Broken in Heart, Strong in Spirit

Dear Broken,

It's a good thing you didn't get married. For marrying someone who doesn't understand that Captain Kirk gave his only begotten son to the Klingons to save us from our sinisters is a fate as bad as being shot at point blank range with a phaser pistol on stun. When the Vulcans land in Montana do you really want to be holding hands with a Borg sympathizer.

Let us turn to the scriptures. Star Trek the Next Generation 3:26-

For Captain Jean Luc Picard so loved the quadrant that he said: "Borg vessel, you have committed acts of aggression against the United Federation of Planets. We have developed new defensive capabilities since our last encounter and we will be forced to use them if you do not withdraw from Federation space."

I think it's plain to see what Captain Picard was trying to tell us. Avoid all nonbelievers whenever possible and don't marry them. If an eye offendeth Starfleet, it is better just to pluck it out than to hand it over to the Borg Collective.

Dear Reverend D.,

Every time I turn on the news I get more and more depressed. Is there anything I can do to alleviate this feeling of dread.

-Captian Pike's Witness



Dear Witness,

We know things are grim these days. With Barrack Hussein Luthor Obama and his Legion of Doom friends pushing their left-wing Borg Collectivist ideals on the nation, it's no wonder people are turning to Marvel Comics, Anime, and Stargate Atlantis for answers. They won't find any.

The only thing we can really do at this point is to keep lobbying congress to launch an all out nuclear war against another country. It doesn't matter which country just so long as there's enough radiation in the air to kill off 3/4 of the planet. Then the Vulcans will arrive and save us from ourselves.

Before that can happen though, we need to get our people elected to office so that we can set up a Federation-worthy society with brute force; a shining nation that is completely intolerant of anyone who disagrees with us. Only then will we be ready to embrace the unquestionable logic of the Vulcans.

We hope we've adequately answered your questions and put some of your minds at ease. Thanks for your questions and your relentless obedience. As always, if there is anything we can do to help, please let us know.

Trapped on a Desert Island

A good friend and loyal member of the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets, Buzzard Billy, has invited me and the Elders to a meme.

Normally, we here at the church are far too serious by the daily threats being advanced by the Legion of Doom and a new administration of Borg Collectivism to accept these challenges. But since its common knowledge that Billy carries the Batgirl in her heart the word of Starfleet upon her lips, the Elders decided that we should graciously accept.

It goes like this:

"Your ship has sunk. You have, of course, been stranded on a deserted island. You have salvaged a copy of the King James Version of the Bible and a copy of the complete works of Shakespeare. Nothing else. “The very next day you find one of those Arabian Lamps in the sand. Of course, you rub it and, of course, a rather grumpy Genie appears. “‘Let’s get this straight - there is a recession going on. There are restrictions on the three wishes now. I don’t do water or air transport now so no boats, planes or magic carpets. As for electronics, forget it. There isn’t the infrastructure on this island. “‘I can let you have one book and I mean one VOLUME, one essential item and one luxury item. Now hurry up and make your choices, I have to get to those five other islands you are going nominate."

This is easy.

First of all, the book would be The Batman Chronicles Volume 1. Because it is written that with the wisdom of Batman your belly will never be empty. Even stranded on a desert island, we must maintain eternal vigilance against the Joker and his bag of deadly toys.

We don't do luxury items for we live on the knowledge of the Justice League and Starfleet alone. But we will take a phaser rifle (which don't require no electronics) and a Klingon bat'leth; both for hunting purposes.

And you all know that we wouldn't be on this island long because no genie, no matter how grumpy, is as a powerful as a Galaxy-class starship or the infinite strength of Hawkgirl- who talks to us daily.

So there it is. Believing in the Five Pillars of Star Trek and the Word of DC Comics can do more than save your soul, it can save you from being stranded on a desert island. Need we say more on why you should deplete your bank accounts to make a donation to the church today.

(The Justice League strictly prevents us from tagging others, so if you want this meme- it's yours.)

Drug Testing Doesn't Go Far Enough

For the past twenty years, employers everywhere have been drug testing their employees. We think this is a great idea, especially tests aimed at making sure people aren't smoking dope on their free time. Surely, we know by now that marijuana is a deadly drug which kills millions of people everyday. If people aren't overdosing on weed, they're laying around listening to Bob Marley when they should be studying the Batman Chronicles. Truly, marijuana is the weed with the roots that lead straight to the swamp that's home to the Legion of Doom's headquarters.

But drug testing doesn't go nearly far enough to keep us safe while we're on the job. We also need to start doing blood screenings on the nation's workforce.

How do you know that the guy on the forklift next to you isn't a shape-shifter from the Gamma Quadrant sent here to undermine Federation values?

The answer is, you don't. Not unless you grab him by the hand and slice open his palm to be sure that the blood hitting the floor is really blood and not the gelatinous goo that the Star Trek scriptures tells us make up a changeling. Of course, there are more humane ways to draw blood and we don't start blood screenings now, people will be slicing each other up as soon as they find out how dangerous the Dominion threat is to the Alpha Quadrant.

We need blood screenings, not just once a month, but everyday. Administer them at the time clock before the whistle blows. Remember, that guy in the hard hat you call "Burl" might be a shape shifter posing as Burl the very next morning. You just never know. We need to set up road blocks every Friday and Saturday night and screen the blood of the people on our highways to ensure that there are no Dominion operatives out there on the road. Do surprise blood screenings every hour to make sure that no shape-shifters are driving our buses or flying our airplanes. I don't think any of this would be too extreme.

I mean if truck drivers snortin' coke out on the road scare you, imagine shape-shifters barreling down our highways with big loads of ketracel white to feed the Jem'Hadar, the most feared soldiers in the Dominion. Construction sites full of people on meth? How about construction sites used to launch a sneak invasion from the Gamma Quadrant. And let's not forget our school teachers. It isn't enough to discourage them from smoking dope on the weekends, we need to make sure that they're actually who they say they are. Teachers should set a good example for our children by not doing drugs and they should also be able to prove every morning before class that they're not dangerous changeling operatives sent here to poison our kids with Dominion propaganda.

Once again, this is just plain common sense. Check every worker's piss for drugs then be sure to check their veins for blood. "Drop your pants and stick out your arm" should be the mantra of every business in the country. It should be on the cover of every employee handbook. We can never take too many precautions in this day and age when it comes to keeping our people safe.

Dealing With Legion of Doom Sympathizers

On Sunday, we had a wonderful service. People were alive with the Word of Batgirl and they went home carrying the good news of Captain Benjamin Sisko and His lessons from Deep Space Nine on their lips.

While the members we're filing out an elderly lady stopped me and asked, "Great Reverend of the Highest Truth and Wisdom, I suspect that my next door neighbors have been conspiring with the Legion of Doom to destroy our moral fabric and put an end to our way of life. I'm not sure what tipped me off exactly. They bought one of their children a stuffed animal for Christmas that looks like Gorilla Grodd, they have ivy growing all over one side of their house and they go to the beach every summer which makes me think they have been having secret meetings with the Black Manta and his evil hoard. Is there anything I can do?"

So I told her:

"The Batman teaches us to be relentless in our fight against crime. If you suspect that your neighbors are Legion of Doom sympathizors then there is a pretty good chance that they are. Unfortunately, the law prevents us from having monthly at-the-stake burnings, which is just one of the many signs that we are still the most oppressed faith in the world.

"The only thing you can do for now is keep a daily journal of everything they do from sunrise to sunset and even after- remember that Sinestro and the Cheetah have commit some of their greatest crimes at night. Take photos and be sure to note anything odd; such as allowing their children to wear Spiderman or Incredible Hulk costumes at Halloween. Listen closely to the gossip of other children to find out if these kids' parents let them watch Anime after school. Start some kind of idle conversation with the parents and see if you can get them to admit they watch Stargate Atlantis in place of one of the Five Pilars of Star Trek. Be sure to write this all down.

"Hopefully, we can start getting our people elected to office who will make these things retroactive crimes with lifetime prison sentences, but until then- we've got that damn U.S. Constitution standing in our way. But I would urge you remain strong and vigilante. You and I know that Legion of Doom sympathizors are everywhere but until the government starts listening to us and letting us start wiretapping everyone's homes, not a single one of us will be safe from their diabolical influences."

Together, we said three Hail Starfleet Commands and asked Captain Kirk for forgiveness. We went on about our way to go door to door; bringing the Justice League to the masses.

May Hawkgirl continue to bless this sweet little old lady. It's people like her that will get us all back on the path to righteousness.

(PS- I hope the picture in the left-hand corner answers your question, JDB.)