Saturday, February 21, 2009

The Faces of Evil

You might notice that the DC scriptures have taken a turn with new prophesies called "Faces of Evil". We urge you all to read these scriptures while keeping in mind that every single word in every single issue is the literal truth. (As always, you need to read without thinking too much because as soon as you start asking questions, the doctors in Arkham Asylum are preparing a bed for your eternal soul.)

Friends, what the Prophets are trying to teach you is that we cannot turn our backs on the evil which lurks under every bed, inside every closet, and under every rock. You are seconds away from imminent destruction, disaster and doom every single day and if you aren't scared from the time you wake up until the time you go to bed then you are putting your soul at grave risk.

The underlying message to "Faces of Evil" is simple.

The Cheetah is not just a dangerous supervillian who is committed to the destruction of Wonder Woman, she's that woman on your local school board who refuses to allow a moment of silence in our public schools every morning so that our children may quietly pray to Hawkgirl for deliverance.

Lex Luthor isn't just the arch-criminal with a diabolical and insane genius, he's that politician who works hard everyday to undermine our nation's moral fabric by preventing those of us who have accepted Batman into our hearts from putting the Batsignal over every single courthouse and public building. He's that mayor and councilperson who feels hanging Superman's picture in our courtrooms and leading a prayer to the Justice League before every trial is a violation of the First Amendment. I challenge these so called liberals to show me where just exactly where in the Constitution it says we can't worship (or force other people to worship) Plastic Man in public. We all know that the Founding Fathers were avid readers and believers in the Word of DC Comics, yet all these activist judges would have us believe otherwise. They are the Faces of Evil.

But there is good news! The Justice League of America is real and they're out there fighting to preserve our way of life. No arch-villain, liberal activist judge, secular humanist, or Marvel Comics reader can stop them. The question is: when the Day of the Legion of Doom arrives which side will you be on? Will you side with the Faces of Evil or will you accept the love that the Justice League has to offer you and sit with the Martian Manhunter for all eternity in the Hall of Justice where streets are paved with gold and all suffering is nonexistent?

Friends please, listen to the message and embrace Batgirl. Your salvation is entirely up to you. Remember, if there is anything we can do to help, please let us know.


Malach the Merciless said...

But Cheetah is so sexy . . . I cannot escape her feminine wiles!

Elvis Drinkmo said...


Recant, my son. For finding any redeeming qualities in the Cheetah or her agents on our local school boards is the first step on a path that will lead you to Arkham Asylum.

You must ask the Justice League for forgiveness so that Superdog will find your name on his list when you reach the holy gates of the Hall of Justice. We want you to join us in the Hall of Justice for eternity in Arkham means eternal separation for from the JLA's love.