Sunday, February 22, 2009

Today's Sermon: The Legion of Doom Wants Your Children

Good morning,

Most of us go to work everyday thinking about the Batman and all of the wonderful things He has done for our lives. But how many us are truly devoted His righteousness and take the teachings of the JLA as seriously as we should?

My friends, we are all were all born with the Original Sinister, therefore we all are all sinisters by nature. That is why we all need to cleanse ourselves with daily prayers to our Heroes in the Watchtower and daily readings from the DC scriptures.

But it saddens me that youngsters these days have no respect for the things that the Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman do for us every day. It's not an accident. No. The Legion of Doom is well versed in the vulnerability of a child's morals. Their agents use fancy words, colorful pictures, and Gorilla Grodd's mind beams to lead our children into a life of depravity. We as adults aren't doing them any favors when we allow them to carry Incredible Hulk lunchboxes to school and watch Anime when they come home. We can't tell our children that Marvel Comics and Anime teach false prophesies which conflict with the literal Truth found only in DC Comics and allow them to indulge in this blasphemy against Krypton. We can't teach our children that Bruce Wayne is the Only Batman and Robin is His Partner then turn the other cheek while they watch Spiderman cartoons on TV.

So we've resurrected this eternal message from the 70's which we hope will help you teach your children that DC Comics aren't just pictures and words in speech balloons, they're a handbook on how to live your life right in the eyes of the Martian Manhunter and the Justice League of America:

All Praise Be to Aquaman this important message that we should all be carrying in our hearts.


Malach the Merciless said...

I heard Bruce Wayne is gonna die, is that true?

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Bruce Wayne is the Only Batman and Robin is His Partner.

Does that answer your question, Malach?