Monday, February 16, 2009

The Missing Days of the Reverend

People from all over the world have been wondering why I was absent for most of December and all of January. Well, as the only True spokesperson for the Martian Manhunter's plan of salvation, I feel it's only right to explain why I haven't been spreading Batgirl's good news and checking everyone's blogs for points of heresy and impure thoughts.

After the Legion of Doom got their man elected to the white house against the dire warnings of this church and the Truth we hold within our shrines, I needed some time to reflect on just why people would choose to ignore the wisdom of Batman and refuse to write-in the popular vice-president, Dick Cheney, a true man of the people who has proven time and time again that he's a real leader.

With the blessing of the Elders, I felt it was time to travel to Oa in an attempt to join the Green Lantern Corps. I have always supported the troops against Sinstro, his evil minions, and the color yellow. It was time to put my beliefs into action.

Unfortunately, after rigorous tests and training I was passed over by the floating Green Ring and another was chosen. Someone without a beer gut, who didn't smoke and could run a few yards without being totally out of breath (and since smoking inside those green bubbles when floating through space is prohibited, the Ring probably made the right decision).

The Guradians of Oa instructed me to return to Sector 2814 and continue to spread the gospel of the Green Lantern. They wanted me to let you know that the day is drawing near when all Terrans must choose between an eternity of bliss and one of pure damnation.

So I'm back to remind you all of your daily sinsiters and how the need to repent and confess your love for the Justice League is more pressing then ever. Heed the warning.


The Film Geek said...

The ring always chooses wisely. :)

Malach the Merciless said...

So is Dick Cheney's Weakness the color yellow? I hope so, I just emailed him a picture of Big Bird.

Jack Dorf said...

Warning headed Rev.

I'll take the eternity of bliss and a side order of fries.

primalscreamx said...

The Lanterns didn't let you in. I know how you feel. I'm waiting on a callback from The Doom Patrol. They're always looking.

All Click said...

I'm repenting, i'm repenting! How could I have strayed from the path?