In our ongoing battle to stop the forces of the Legion of Doom and the Rogues Gallery from dominating our schools and public institutions, I've decided to seek out some strategies from other sources.
We've seen the shameless attempts of Nike and Degree Ultra Dry to try and make our children believe that Captain Boomerang isn't the very real threat to our way of life that he is. We'd like to see all mirrors removed from our schools and public buildings because these are the tools another Rogues Gallery founder, the Mirror Master, uses to reek havoc and destruction upon the Flash and his followers. Ice machines are another possibility for our crusade against evil influences because they represent not just Legion of Doom member, Captain Cold, but Mr. Freeze and Killer Frost as well. Scarecrows at harvest time have got to go too.
So after some not so extensive research, I've found the one of greatest sources for combating evil from the comic book makers at Chick Publications.
The people at Chick.com have a whole bunch of things they want banned: from Dungeons and Dragons to Catholicism to Islam to Mormons. And Halloween is one of their major sources of anguish. Here's what they have to say about it:
"If you are a Christian parent, God has given you a precious responsibility in your children. Remember, their ability to resist spiritual wickedness is much less than yours. If you allow your children to participate in Halloween (Trick or Treating, costume parties, etc.) you are allowing them to play on 'the devil’s turf,' and Satan will definitely press his home court advantage. You are opening up doorways into their young lives for evil by bringing them into a kind of 'fellowship' with these ancient 'gods.'"
I don't know about all that shit. First of all, Satan is a pretty lame supervillian- even less frightening than the ones from the Marvel Universe. I mean he's got no kryptonite or deadly toys to hurl at us and he sure the hell ain't from Bizarro World. Secondly, I doubt this "Devil" character even exists and if he did, no doubt Lex Luthor or the Joker have already disposed of him because he probably would have slowed them down. Third, if you are dressing up your kids to honor the eternal Heroes of DC Comictology or Star Trekiology then you doing them a real service which will not go unnoticed by the Martian Manhunter and Wonder Woman.
But perhaps we can take some of Chick.com's ideas and apply them to our battle for the real Truth. Here's how Chick battles Halloween:
"Many soul winners have tried to keep their children out of the trick-or-treat scene by refusing to be involved in Halloween. Churches have held 'Harvest Festivals' on October 31 to provide an alternative for Christian families.
"However, some bold Christians have turned the night into a major neighborhood outreach by including gospel tracts with the candy they give out. Chick Publications has received reports of many highly creative ways that customers have turned the night around to God's glory.
"Some simply give out tracts along with the candy. Others have set up tables with an assortment of tracts that kids can choose from.
"One family dressed in white robes and set up a table on their porch with a large book labeled 'The Book of Life'. They wrote in their names and when children would come for candy, they would be told that this was the great white throne of judgment and asked if their names were in the book."
So maybe we could employ some techniques like this.
We could carry soap and water with us everywhere so we can scrub Captain Boomerang's deodorant off people's armpits. Or we could stand around ice machines everywhere handing out Batman comic books; warning people about the dangerous influence that Mr. Freeze and Killer Frost could have over our children. We could talk farmers into replacing their Scarecrows with life-sized statues of Nightwing. And maybe, just maybe we could stand outside every retail store that sells playing cards and hand out decks that don't include the dangerous image of the Joker.
Of course, we could always have an old fashioned book burning where we would burn every book with question marks in them- since the "question mark" is the symbol of the Riddler.
These are just a few suggestions and I'm open to any others. I mean if people can get all worked up about Halloween and devil logos, surely they'll see the common sense logic of ridding this nation of symbols that represent the real enemies like those from the Legion of Doom and the Rogues Gallery.
Halloween, Chick Publications, Satan, Degree, Nikes, Rogues Gallery, The Mirror Master, Ban Halloween, Book Burnings
Evil Everywhere Pt. 2