Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Evil Everywhere Pt. 2

Some people still don't believe me when I tell them that America is lost. We, as a nation, have gone downhill since we began turning our backs on the Justice League. Ever since we've removed Superman from our public schools, "anything goes" is apparently this nation's motto.

Here's more proof. When I was pushing my buggy down the cosmetics aisle in the store yesterday, I couldn't help but notice something strange in the deodorant section. Ultra Dry Degree is using the symbol of Captain Boomerang to sell their product!

Along with Captain Cold and the Mirror Master, Captain Boomerang is one of the founding members of the Rogues Gallery, which is dedicated to destroying the Flash, our Scarlett Speedster. His boomerangs reek havoc everywhere, often exploding on impact. But despite all this, retail stores around the nation seem to have no moral qualms with spreading his image everywhere.

So I went directly to the store manager and demanded that these evil symbols of destruction and doom be pulled off their shelves immediately. Well, I was thrown out of the store and asked never to come back- if you can believe that.

And, folks, this about sums up where we are today. The heinous crimes of Captain Boomerang and his symbolism take precedence over the teachings and sacrifices of the Flash. Yet, people still wonder why we, as a nation, face so many problems in our daily lives.

I hope you realize just what it is you are doing when you apply this evil deodorant to your under arms after a shower. This is more than just some agent to keep your armpits dry; it's an agent of Gorilla Grodd, the Rogues Gallery, and the Legion of Doom.


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9 comments:

The Film Geek said...

I just threw out my Nike's, too. Thanks for opening my eyes even more, Elvis.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

You're welcome, Film Geek. It is the job of a good DC Comictician to spot all Legion of Doom influences wherever they may hide.

I'm looking into some further ideas. Keep your eyes peeled for the folow-up.

Anonymous said...

Just for the record, this check mark icon was in use globally prior to the launch of the 2001 Justice League on the Cartoon Network. Furthermore, since the Degree Tick is asymmetrical, it would not make an efficient boomerang. The DC Comic version of Captain Boomerang used a rounded icon more clearly symbolic of the destructive tool he used to spread evil.

Anne Johnson said...

You're wrong about what's destroying America. It's you DC fundies trying to clean up our Marvel-ous world. Every day when I get out of bed I thank the X-Men for keeping us safe from saintly Superman and that creepy Bat guy.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Sure, Anonymous. I suppose your also going to tell us that there aren't any dinosaurs living in the Delta Quadrant who call themselves the Voth.

I just can't believe what's happened to America. Non-believers will say anything to distract people from the Truth.

And Anne,

Haven't they found a cure for the X-Mens' diseases, yet? At least Batman knows his insanity is there for our protection and therefore would never seek out some magical cure.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

The DC Comic version of Captain Boomerang used a rounded icon more clearly symbolic of the destructive tool he used to spread evil.

This statement also ignores the implication that Degree is knowingly supporting the Rouges Gallery and that they are trying to cover it up by using the JLA Unlimited version which might go unrecognized by the sheep who have been lead astray.

Something really stinks here and it ain't body odor.

Degree is apparently preying upon those who fail to recognize the threat Captain Boomerang presents to us all. Like Anne, for example, who thinks that Iron Man can put down the bottle for five seconds and solve one of the Riddler's puzzles.

Rosie said...

Vile pit stains and odor are the great equalizing factor. Evil and fastidiousness aren't mutually exclusive. Do you have any idea about the evil that lurks in the pits of men? Particularly lyrcra/spandex clad men?

And I gotta tell you...having laundered a suit or two of this type...the girls ain't much better.

Perhaps this is Captain Boomerang's attempt at redemption of some sort. Perhaps he's launching a war against vile, evil pittage.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

That is a possibility, Rosie. Captain Boomerang did team up with the Flash and the redoubtable Elongated Man for a brief moment to help stop some alien invaders from taking us over.

The Flash did indeed tell us:

"I had to turn Captain Boomerang loose to help the Elongated Man and me deal with this alien invasion of earth! But once it's over, he's going to jail!"

-Flash 124:1

But later we learned how this supervillain cannot be trusted.

Let us turn now please to Flash 124:77-

"Seems that everyone in town has recovered from that alien invasion! In fact, the only one who's going to wind up a loser at the end of today is-- Captain Boomerang!"

And Elongated Man tells us in Chapter 124, Frame 78: "Good! Society's better off with him behind bars--even if he was temporarily on our side, Flash!"

So the answer is simple- we must remove all Degree from all shelves before it is too late.

For we must always remember what we learned in Frame 4 of Chapter 124:

"Boomerang may have been a model prisoner while in jail, but he was a daring criminal before that. And a sensational coup on his first week out of jail would be just his style."

The answers couldn't be any clearer than this.

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