Friday, October 31, 2008

Ten Reasons on Just Why This Election Should Frighten You

1) Barrack Obama is very likely a Legion of Doom sleeper who will have the Black Manta advising him on foreign and domestic policy once he's seated in the Oval Office. In fact, this church has secret documents which prove that Senator Obama got his political start with the help of criminal friends like Toyman, Cheetah, Star Sapphire, Captain Cold, Killer Croc, Poison Ivy, and the Mad Hatter. Nothing could more dangerous to this country and the cause of freedom than to have the Legion-inspired terror mongering hoards running the show behind the scenes.

2) With Democrats back in the White House, we are more than likely going to see twice as many Marvel comic book based movies; hence our nation's moral fabric will seriously undermined. In this age of multi-comic bookism in the classroom and in our public buildings, people forget that this nation was founded by people who feared the wrath of the Batman.

3) If we don't pursue Ronald Reagan's dream of a defensive net around the planet, we're
never going to be able to stop the Borg from traveling back in time and assimilating earth before the United Federation of Planets can be founded. Friends, we must practice eternal vigilance if we a are to smite our foes; our foes who seek to kill every single person who believes that Captain Kirk was in command of the Starship Enterprise.

4) The wall which separates church and state is still standing. We've heard stories about children trying to pray to the Green Lantern in school, only to hauled off to the principle's office, locked in closets and exposed to the color yellow- the color of Sinestro and everything that is evil. We need a president who will declare martial law, expel all Legion of Doom sympathizers from our country, and force people to kneel down at the alter of Superman.

5) All of the candidates running for office are surrounded by umbrellas when they're giving speeches in the rain. This tells us not only that these politicians are out of touch with the teachings of the Batman, but that they also demonstrate there ignorance of the Penguin and how much influence he has over our youth in these modern times.

6) If we give up on national defense, Gorilla Grodd could lead an all out Legion of Doom assault on our very homeland. And since we, as a nation, have turned our backs on the Word of the Justice League; they may just be inclined not to rescue us from these evil agents of destruction and mayhem.

7) The borders of the Alpha Quadrant are still open to aliens like the Romulans, the Gorn, and the Vidiians- as if we don't have enough trouble managing incursions by the Breen and Cardassians. Friends, if this is allowed to continue, we will have to learn Klingon just to shop at our local convenience stores. Are people going to wait until the Star-Spangled Banner is sung in Tholian before they realize what a threat these illegal aliens pose to our way of life? We all should be demanding an Alpha Quadrant for Alpha Quandrians. What's the harm in that?

8) All this talk of wealth redistribution and regulating the markets is the first step toward creating a Borg Collective here in Sector 001. Mark my words, the next step after raising taxes on the super mega-wealthiest will be to have everyone's eyeballs pulled out and replaced with the latest Borg technology. Soviet-style detention centers will spring up over night and we will all be marched into the camps, but instead of bullets- we'll be treated to nanoprobes and mechanical devices for arms.

9) The people of this nation have forgotten that this nation was founded on DC morals by people in search of Batgirl's promise of justice and freedom. This fact has been wiped clean from our history books by the multi-comic bookists. Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, and George Washington were all believers in the Batman who felt that our schools and public institutions should be run by the JLA and those who adhere to their word. If they didn't mention any of our Heroes by name in the constitution, it's because the Founding Fathers didn't want to reveal their secret identities.

10) No matter who wins this election, DC Comicbookists and Star Trekiologists will continue to be the most oppressed people in the world. The fact that they canceled Enterprise half-way through the show proves that it is us against the infidels who run this world. Cartoon Network was once a vassal spreading the Justice League's Truth. Now you turn it on and all you get is Iron Man.

Truly, no group of people has ever had to endure the level of hatred, oppression and humiliation that we endure each and every day. And that is why everyone should be pissing their pants, violently trembling and hiding under their beds when they think about this upcoming election.


The Film Geek said...

Inspired post, Reverend. One of your best ever.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Thank you, Film Geek. I don't Americans truly appreciate the serious peril that exists around every corner, under every bed, and in every closet. We must deregulate the wealth to keep our economy booming while we place stringent restrictions on every individual so that they may enjoy at least a small bit of protection from the inevitable danger that hangs over their heads every minute in this life.

If people are unsatisfied with this then they need to focus on how wonderful their lives will be inside the Hall of Justice after they've starved to death or done been gunned down by a police officer for some relatively minor offense.

It's the only way. We must get back to our DC roots before we all end up in Arkham Asylum.

Malach the Merciless said...

I'm not worried, I am moving to Apokolips