Saturday, August 25, 2007

Spreading the Legion of Doom's Word

A week ago, The First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets decided to open our files to the public and expose celebrities and politicians who are suspected of sympathizing with the Legion of Doom and/or working undercover for one of the evil supervillains that are the root cause of everything that goes wrong in this dimension and others. The elders and I decided after a praying to Jonn Jones, the Martian Manhunter, that we should cover each of these sinister operatives one by one as we did with Lindsay L.O.D. , better known as Lindsay L.O.H.A.N..

Today, we'll begin with Legion operative, Pat Robertson. As most of you know, Robertson reads and preaches from a comic book called the "Holy Bible". There are various supervillians and heroes in this book; none of which are very impressive. Most notably from this comic book is a hero called Jesus Christ. His special power is granting forgiveness. How he could use this weapon to defeat evil minions like the Mirror Master is anyone's guess. But we don't believe that bringing down Sam Scudder is part of the 700 Club's mission.

Robertson has been spotted several times meeting with the Mirror Master, a founding member of the Rouges Gallery, an organization dedicated to destroying the Flash. He has also had extensive contact with Giganta, Solomon Grundy, and the Riddler.

Consider this from the 700 Club's "Bring It On" (the very name alone has Lex Luthor's signature on it).

"Some years ago, my income was so low that I was living very close to the financial edge. Nevertheless, I believed..that I should give a significant amount to the Lord's work, so I did. Several weeks later as I was driving my car, God spoke to me, and said, 'ask Me for something.'

"I said, 'Lord, I think I have everything I need right now.' He said again, 'ask Me for something.'

"'Okay, Lord. Please provide me with one thousand dollars.' I wasn't sure why I mentioned that figure, but it popped into my mind, so I spoke it in my prayer.

"Within days, I had received an extra thousand dollars out of the blue."

Yeah, sure. Some God who can't even telepathically communicate with whales and dolphins or deflect bullets off his chest is just going to hand someone $1000 out of the blue? And why would any comic book worshipper even be asked by one of their heroes to ask for money in the first place?

It's more likely that the Riddler heisted a jewelry store and gave Robertson a thousand dollars to keep spreading disinformation on his Christian Broadcasting Network about some fake supervillain named the Anti-Christ while the Legion of Doom plots their final assault against humankind.

Keep your eye on this Pat Robertson fellow and don't be too surprised when special guests like Captain Boomerang, Brainiac, and the Toyman show up on the 700 Club talking about how they have reformed their evil ways.


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