Saturday, April 11, 2009

Lost: America's Moral Compass

If it isn't bad enough that our nation has succumb to Borg Collectivism, now the leaders of this church believe the opposition has also been co-opted by the Legion of Doom.

But let's not get ahead ourselves.

We start with some recent events that have spelled disaster for this great nation. First, the country elects Barrack Hussein Luthor Obama. Nevermind all those ridiculous distractions like the economy and a crumbling infrastructure. President Obama reads from cue cards. Can you believe that?! Then after that startling information comes to light, we found out that he bowed before some Saudi Arabian leader in the Middle East. This is devastating. America has never seen such imminent danger.

But we tried to warn you all. People get so worked up about a living wage, they fail to realize that they need to be worrying about a dying wage, in other words what will happen to their souls when they die. The scriptures teach us it is easier for a space station to travel through a collapsing wormhole then it is for a rich man to get into the Hall of Justice (well, unless you're Bruce Wayne or Ollie Queen- and in case you're wondering, you're not). It is better to starve to death and give all your money to millionaire bankers knowing that you have a friend in Plastic Man than it is to demand enough money so you can feed your family and pay for luxuries like heat and a roof over your head only be sent to Arkham Asylum for your insatiable greed.

It used to be that men of the people like Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Newt Gingrich and Dick Cheney were the lone voices out there trying to stop Borg values from overtaking our society. Now come to find out that these people are now saluting the Mad Hatter, one of Batman's most lethal foes, by throwing tea parties.

I mean we respect the premise of protests about raising taxes on rich people because everybody knows that what's good for the 1% who have everything is good for the other 99% who live paycheck to paycheck. Foolish people judge an economy based on how well the majority of the population is doing, but the wise understand that a good economy is all about some big rich white guy having talcum powder sprinkled over his wide ass next to a swimming pool located on the ranch of his third home. But are these patriots not aware of the threat that the Mad Hatter poses to our children?

What America needs is a Senator like Joe McCarthy. Senator McCarthy knew long before anyone else the Borg were sending operatives to this quadrant to try and quell the power of free market capitalism, which we know is the only system that truly works as made obvious by the booming economy the U.S. is experiencing today. Two days before McCarthy was going to expose all these Borg sympathizors in the highest levels of our society, he was brought down by the Collective's allies in the American Communist Party. The price we paid was dear.

Listen friends, we got to get back to the basics. We need to ban all imagery of supervillains immediately and we need to stop Borg Collectivism before something horrible happens, like credit card companies being unable to charge a reasonable 28% interest on loans. If this madness continues Walmart might actually have to recognize their employees' right to join a labor union. Then they might actually have to compete with other companies and that would be a devastating blow to the natural order- which means socialism for the wealthy and capitalism for everyone else. How fair is that?


1 comment:

Malach the Merciless said...

I want to have sex with Plastic Man, does make me a bad person?