Thursday, April 16, 2009

Hundreds March on Charleston to Show Support for the Mad Hatter and the Legion of Doom

It's no wonder Lex Luthor chose the Kanawha River to set up a new base for the Legion of Doom. Just look at all these people gathered around the capitol with their tea bags showing support for one of the Batman's most dangerous supervillains, The Mad Hatter.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's wonderful that people are standing up to the Borg Collectivist ideal that we need to stimulate our economy by raising taxes on people who have all they'll ever need and try to create a better country for people who can barely afford to buy gas to get to work. The latter should be bearing the brunt of taxation because if they had worked harder and put more faith in the Justice League they wouldn't be where they are.

We also think the semi-automatic weapon protest sign sends a very positive message about the state of West Virginia. It's a very subtle way of letting everyone know what steps a guy who goes to work every morning wondering if he'll have a job by the end of the week will take if you start messing with the salary of some other guy who makes over $500,000 grand a year laying people off. It's our second amendment right, you know.

There didn't seem to be many black faces in the crowd with means the gathering was free from the sinister influences of Barrack Hussein Luthor Obama, the Black Manta, and their spiritual leader, the Justice League of America-hating Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

Lastly, we're glad this mass protest dealt with something of actual importance like the shame of making millionaires pay their fair share to live in this country instead of protesting something of complete irrelevance like mountaintop removal or building coal silos next to elementary schools. Just so we're clear- we here at the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets love mountains too. But we're smart enough to realize that the Vulcans will someday land in Montana and solve all of our environmental problems. At the very least, we will have holographic mountains so that we can once again appreciate the history behind Blair Mountain after Massey gets done dynamiting and bulldozing it to the ground.

All this being said, however, this church has no choice but to condemn this protest not because of its purpose, but because of the evil symbolism they're using which represents none other than the Mad Hatter. If Glenn Beck and Newt Gingrich want our fine religious establishment to get behind their fight against Borg Collectivism, we suggest they send their people out masked and wearing tights with capes or at least donning official Starfleet uniforms instead. We feel this would further define the seriousness of their crusade against the heinous and diabolical act of taxing wealthy people; the same people most will never even get the chance to caddy for on the golf course.



Malach the Merciless said...

I bought a Kukri the other day, I am like superhero now!

JDB said...

LOL. Legion of Dumb, more like it.

Chris James said...

The worst blasphemers were those who sported the Earl Grey (hot) of our beloved Picard.

BTW, I've recanted my earlier protests, as Metropolis is worth a mass.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Welcome back, Chris. The Elders assured me that the Marquis influence would wear off once the realization of the Dominion threat to our way of life sunk in. I don;t think anybody supports the idea of Gamma Quadrant shape-shifters stealing our jobs and receiving unemployment checks when they get laid off.

JDB, we'll have to look into this. The Legion of Dumb may be the newest threat that we have to face. We've always thought that mild mannered people like Bill O'Reiley and Glenn Beck were defenders of the faith, but it may turn out that when they aren't on TV, they're donning gaudy customs and creating problems for the Justice League with their new Legion of Dumb henchmen. Rest assured, we're on this new development.


Recant. You aren't a superhero until you've either applied for membership with the Justice League or the Justice Society or at least completed five years of Starfleet Academy training. That's the reason we can't take anybody from the Biblical Comic Books seriously. (Well, except for King David because we know that without hesitation he could very easily take command of a Galaxy-class starship and defeat the Borg).