Thursday, June 28, 2007

What Would Hawkgirl Do?

Now, he broke the chains that bound me,
and now I’m free
Today I’m right where Mama
Prayed I’d be
I’m down on my knees
Now I believe
What Mama knew for sure
He’s King of kings
Lord of lords
I found Jesus on the jailhouse floor

-George Straight, "I Found Jesus on the Jailhouse Floor"

One of the biggest bullshit media obsessions has brought hotel chain heiress Paris Hilton to her knees in prayer. I mean that's all fine and good, but what it's really going to do for her at this point?

Another alternative could have been to seek out the advice of Shayera "Hawkgirl" Hol. Hawkgirl learned the true meaning of actions and consequences the hard way after she sided with the Thanagarians when they decided to invade earth and place the entire human race under martial law.

Hawkgirl wasn't aware that her people were planning to destroy the earth, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy style, in order to create a hyperspace bypass so they could launch an attack against the Gordanians. Nevertheless, she failed to get any sympathy from her former Justice League friends or anyone else from the human race when she tried to plea for her innocence.

So perhaps, Ms. Hilton should put that Bible back on the shelf and start checking out Justice League Unlimited DVDs instead. That way she can find some spiritual guidance through Shayera Hol and study the ways in which the Hawkgirl slowly worked her way back into the hearts of the Justice League of America and the people of earth.

I mean, hell, what's a few DUIs compared to aiding and abetting an alien race who's plans were to destroy the entire planet?



ariadne said...

Great blog, Elvis!

primalscreamx said...

Damn straight. Besides that, I've always sort of suspected that Paris Hilton was sent among us by Darksaid. That would sort of explain a lot, wouldn't it?

Elvis Drinkmo said...

It's a good possibility, Primalscreamx.

Maybe Paris Hilton's the offspring of Granny Goodness herself.

The Film Geek said...

I dunno...Big Barda's shoulders are a lot bigger than Paris'...

the laughing gypsy said...

Alright Paris, put your money where your mouth is! Let's see some action!