Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Make That 36- McCain/Palin '08

The First Church of DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets proudly joins with 35 other tax-exempt churches' pastors to endorse McCain/Palin for the White House. The IRS can kiss our Justice League-loving asses because we are not going to pay taxes, but we are going to help throw this election and see to it that this damn wall protected by secular humanist liberals which separates church and state falls even harder than the one the commies built to divide the city of Berlin, Germany.

If we can't have Dick Cheney, a real man of the people, we'll settle for Sarah Palin. It's time for us to bury the hatchet (at least until this election election is over) with all those pictureless comic book fans who tell lies and spread falsehoods about prophets, saviors, and a God who can't even pilot a starship. We need to focus on the one thing we have in common: creating a theocracy and bringing about the end of the world as we know it. Maybe we can even cut a deal: they can hang their witches and devil worshipers if we can burn Dominion sympathizors to the stake and round up all the suspected changlings and place them in front of a few firing squads.

Now, you're probably wondering why would support a guy whose more than likely linked directly to the Borg Queen herself and a woman who takes her marching orders directly from Gorilla Grodd and Poison Ivy and other notorious card-carrying members of the Legion of Doom.

Well, here's our reasons:

1) With fundamentalist Christians at the helm we have have a better change of unleashing our nuclear arsenal on the rest of the world. And like us, they would destroy all those useless cities and incinerate all those people in the name of peace and love. The only difference is that they believe Jesus Christ will come down on a cloud to set things right; whereas we know the Truth as taught to us by the Prophet Gene Roddenberry. The Vulcans will be the ones coming, not Jesus. I mean, you ever heard of a warp-powered cloud? I hardly think so. When the Vulcans arrive even the Christians will be forced to embrace their logic.

2) Governor Palin's overwhelming and superior knowledge of foreign policy. Let's the face the facts: from 1922 to 1991, the Soviet Union practically acted as a beacon sending messages to the Borg Collective's home world over in the Delta Quadrant feeding them information on how best to conquer the Alpha Quadrant. That threat is still with us today and Palin has single-handedly kept the Soviet Premier Vladamir Putin from invading and taking over the state of Alaska where they would undoubtedly hand it over to the Borg for assimilation.

3) The daily threats we face from the Borg, the Dominion, Lex Luthor, the Rouges Gallery, the Romulans, and the Joker cannot be handled by a bunch of wimpy ass, liberal, lefty socialists who foolishly believe that you can bring about peace, love and equality by promoting peace, love and equality. We join hands with the pictureless comic books fans in acknowledging that the only way to create a better world is to bomb the living shit out of every living thing on the planet. It's the only way to show them how much we love them and how we want them to join us and how we want their quality of life to be just as good as our own.

4) The most important reason we are supporting McCain/Palin in contrast to some of the sermons we have been preaching is because we are the leaders of you church and you don't question our decisions. We believe in democracy and the American way; therefore we give your orders and you follow them. We tell you how to think and you obey. This, friends, is true freedom and if you haven't learned this simple fact by now, say "Hi" to the Riddler when you're locked up in Arkham Asylum for all eternity.

There you have it. Now, get your weekly church contributions in immediately so we can help install an administration that will bring us another eight years of peace and prosperity.



Malach the Merciless said...

Wow, I am scared, that all makes too much sense

Goat Yoda said...

I'm still voting strictly the Elder Party- the stars are right!

Besides- He will swallow your soul!