Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Faith in Politics

We have been paying close attention to religious aspects of this presidential election. It is very important to us that the next president fully understand the ways of the Captain James T. Kirk and that they express their solemn faith in the Justice League of America.

We've been pretty disappointed thus far. Neither candidate adequately displays proper knowledge of the Federation charter nor do they show any recognition of the threat presented by the Borg Collective's ongoing attempt to assimilate our public schools. Instead, they pander to some God who can't even be bothered to take the helm of a Galaxy-class starship and keep the Romulans from crossing into the neutral zone.

Then we stumble upon this from an editorial in the Washington Post:

"Painting Obama as a shameless shape-shifter is a way for his opponents to dull the enthusiasm (and inhibit the campaign contributions) of the war's staunchest foes. And if this image stuck, it could also hurt Obama among independents. They might vote for a hawk or a dove, but not a chameleon."

If Barack Obama is a changeling from the Gamma Quadrant- the American people have a right to know. He might end up calling on the Jem'Hadar to occupy this planet and in case you didn't know, the Jem'Hadar are deeply prejudiced against humans. The war against the Dominion is nothing to take lightly and those don't understand this have neglected to study the words of Captain Benjamin Sisko from the Deep Space Nine scriptures.

We have heard Obama referred to as a sleeper, but we had no idea how serious this really was. If one of the Dominion Founders, a shape-shifter, is allowed to sit in the Oval Office it will mean impending doom not just for Sector 001, but the entire Alpha Quadrant.

I don't think it's too much to ask that our religious views be respected and that all candidates running for public office undergo blood screenings to endure that they are, in fact, "solids". We also demand that routine phaser sweeps be conducted in all public buildings so that any changelings disguised as couches or coffee tables are detected.

Remember, the First Amendment doesn't call for the separation of church and state, it merely prevents the government from establishing a national one. In America, we are free to demand that our government be shapeshifter free.

Will McCain and Obama heed our call to respect our religious views and our faith based initiatives by submitting a vial of blood every morning for screening? That is the million dollar question.


Malach the Merciless said...

Dude, I bought Batman: Gotham Knight today, just watched it . . . . WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!

It was good.

Ananke (Goddess With An Identity Crisis) said...

Damn, he's a changeling! I knew it was too good to be true.

Anne Johnson said...

You could tap the entire U.S. government and not find a single vial of human blood. And that explains everything.

Rosie said...

They might vote for a hawk or a dove, but not a chameleon.

Well, I certainly hope he read that so he knows it's okay to turn into a hawk or a dove on the campaign trail. Obama can fly! But not a chameleon, cause lizards look like they might be slimy. Too close to snakes. Though that gekko lizard hasn't done too badly.

Weren't those Dominion guys like gods or something living in a sea of slime?