Saturday, July 5, 2008

Endorsement for President

Since we are a 501c3 tax-exempt religious institution, it's only fair that we endorse someone for president, actively campaign for that candidate and threaten everyone who doesn't support that candidate with Arkham Asylum and/or Borg assimilation.

Since this America and we have such a wide variety of candidates to choose from; we aren't certain yet whom we should support. So we have decided that we will endorse whichever candidate is the biggest proponent of dropping nuclear bombs on Iran. It's something that always gets brought up at press conferences with the potential candidates and we think bombing Iran or some other country with nukes is a sound policy for promoting world peace and general prosperity.

Why? Because the sooner we launch World War III and kill off 3/4 of the world's population, the sooner the Vulcans will land in Montana and solve all our problems for us. The sooner we launch this devastating war, the sooner we'll have replicators, phaser rifles, warp capable space ships, and entertaining holosuites. What's 75% of the human race compared to the stability, greatness, and importance of forming the United Federation of Planets?

This is just simple logic, folks. So we'll keep our eyes on the candidates and throw our support behind the one who will drag us all into a war that most of us won't survive, but we can always take comfort in the fact those of us who have discovered Starfleet and the Justice League of America will be raptured up into the Hall of Justice or commissioned aboard the Enterprise E with Captain Jean Luc Picard. Those who have chosen not to embrace the wisdom of this church and its leaders will face the alternative and enjoy an eternity that they have created for themselves by making bad choices.

We'll keep you posted since the salvation of your soul is our business and our primary concern.

5 comments:

Malach the Merciless said...

I vote Captain k'nuckles in 2008

John McCain 4 Life said...

On behalf of the McCain Election Committee, we thank you for your support..

Elvis Drinkmo said...

If you think John McCain can help turn most of this planet into a radioactive, barren rock with very little life left on it; in order to bring the Vulcans down from the sky a little sooner- then he has our support.

Jennifer said...

You should try to persuade Bush to run for a third term. Or even better, draft Cheney!

johnieb said...

Woooo: hot Vulcans!