Friday, August 1, 2008

A Strange Dimension


I have some rather troubling news. I was giving a sermon on the wickedness that has befallen our country and how our nation has become a like one big dark city full of Legion of Doom operatives and Sinestro Corps sympathizors. I was preaching the Gospel of the Batman Chronicles and waving my finger in other peoples faces; explaining about how they were doomed to serve the Joker in his realm at Arkham Asylum when suddenly I was pulled away and dropped somewhere strange.

The Elders must have needed my spiritual guidance elsewhere and tried to beam me to another location for soul saving when an accident must have occurred that brought me here.

Those of you who have accepted Batgirl into your hearts and understand the wisdom of the Black Canary know that every word from the DC scriptures are true. Therefore, you know that the only explanation which could exist is that I have been inadvertently been beamed into Bizzaro World.

Proof? I'll show you:

At this point, you're probably thinking, "so what? A Marvelite shrine."

But no. There was a name plaque on the desk that said: "The Reverend Drinkus Elmo". There were signs on the wall that said "May Jean Gray Bless You Always" and "Iron Man Has a Plan and a Path For YOU to follow" and "The Incredible Hulk Is Your Only Chance for Salvation". I met my Bizzaro World counterpart and I might add that this High Priest strikingly resembled the same beautiful face that I greet in the mirror every morning:

For now, these Marveliteish fanatics from this parallel world have decided to let me live even though they tell me that my "DC heresy" is an affront to their fundamentalist beliefs in some Holy Land promised to them by the Captain America, the Avengers, and the Fantastic Four. Can you imagine such intolerance? Drinkus Elmo also answers to a parallel Intergalatic Board of Elders and they ordered him not to burn me at the stake even though they felt I was beyond redemption with my undying loyalty to the Batman.

Apparently, their plans are to study me and find some way to send evangelists from this Bizzaro World to force Spiderman's word upon Sector 2814. I managed to sneak into Reverend Elmo's office after he entered the Shrine of Daredevil so I could get this message out to you. I ask that you all pray to Aquaman and ask Him to help me escape from this crazy world where people believe that Prince Namor rules Atlantis.

Until then, wish me luck folks.


Hoyt said...

Reverend Elvis, this is a perfect example of why we've got to be ever vigilant and continue to spread the word of the DC scriptures. Just because The Dark Knight continues to dominate the multi-plexes doesn't mean that our job is over. Far from it.

Keep up the good work!

Malach the Merciless said...

Pope Cerberus the Aardvark is coming soon

Jackie said...

Damn! You get better-lookin' everytime I see ya! those ended up with you is a terrible, terrible mistake. I should be the one sitting around half-neekid drinking beer from a cooler and making it rain Namors. This is just a tragedy :(

Jennifer said...

I watched Spiderman II last night. And I haven't yet gone to see the Dark Knight. I hope the blasphemy of people like me hasn't contributed to you getting sucked into bizarro world.

Anne Johnson said...

In the next alternate dimension you'll be praying to Dumbledore and trying to keep everyone out of Azkaban. And after that you're sent to Dune. And then to Middle Earth. And then ... ack ... to The Wardrobe. Zounds! A fate worse than Arkham!