It with great joy that I report to you that I have been rescued from Bizzaro World. The Elders have managed to beam me away for that world of insanity, but I have been instructed to tell you that they couldn't have done it without your prayers to Plastic Man and the Martian Manhunter. So we thank you for your devotion. There is a good chance that most of you will still be going to Arkham Asylum, but nevertheless we appreciate your support in this time of need.
I would like to inform you that before I left I did manage to turn a few people away from the blasphemy of Jean Gray's teachings and convinced them that Batgirl wasn't just some librarian who donned a cowl and at night, but a true Hero that has a plan for us all to follow if we wish to experience the eternal bliss that is offered to us through the Hall of Justice.
Upon my return there have been some startling developments. We have doubled our drive to get Dick Cheney drafted into the white house. When I left we had only one signature, now we have two. The drive to Cheney elected so that may realize our dream of starting World War 3 is well under way.
We have learned that two known Legion of Doom sympathizors have made news. John Edwards got caught in a love affair which would not be a deadly sinister had he done it while vacationing on Riza, but he chose to have this fling while inhabiting Sector 001. So he will be joining the Joker, Riddler, and Two-Face within the walls of Arkham. There's no point in him asking Captain James T. Kirk for forgiveness at this point. Those who have studied the the Original Star Trek scriptures know that Captain Kirk always avoided problems of the flesh when he was out exploring strange new worlds and seeking out new life and civilizations. Calling upon Him for understanding is a total waste of time.
Paris Hilton has also made the news in her recent announcement to seek the Oval Office. This church has documents proving that she has been conspiring with Gorilla Grodd and we have pictures of her sunbathing topless on the beaches of Bizzaro World with Star Sapphire and the Cheetah. Her heart is truly devoted to Lex Luthor and his sinister plans to take over this dimension so she has also secured a spot amongst the damned in Arkham.
So now that I'm back, I will have to get caught up on all the new lists of Borg collaborators, Legion of Doom sympathizors, and Rouges Gallery supporters. There is a very good chance that you are one them.
Until then we again proclaim with almighty conviction that Bruce Wayne is the only Batman and Robin is His Partner. And May Hawkgirl Bless You Always.